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10/07/2010 01:36 PM

not that bad?(page 3)

Posts: 1981
Senior Member

It is good to get on here and vent and get feedback even if it's advice you might not take. We all might throw out ideas here and there, but ultimately it's up to you.

I stay in it because I love my husband and family, too. So, I know how that feels. And I understand how the destructive behavior can be hard to swallow.

Maybe more folks will log in later this afternoon and be able to brainstorm some ideas for you.


10/07/2010 01:40 PM
Posts: 17
New Member

honest answer is I do not know.

10/07/2010 01:52 PM
Posts: 17
New Member

when she is not gambling, or not with her friends, its like she is just too bored.

like our kids and I are not enough to keep her even remotely happy. its as if spending time alone with us watching tv is miserable to her.

10/07/2010 04:37 PM
damselndistressPosts: 16953
VIP Member

Oh that sounds exactly like my husband.

He usually does 2 or 3 things at once like reads a magazine and watches tv etc etc.

He has to do a lot of running too just due to restlessness and wanting to socialize.

I think I've kind of gotten used to it over the years.

In the beginning it was tough because I wanted companionship so it both hurt my feelings and made me lonely.

Now I'm usually the party pooper and too tired to do anything.

Life changes.


10/19/2010 02:11 PM
Posts: 17
New Member

Well we finally had a talk again. Came up this time because she realized I wasn't kean on the idea of co-signing for her buying a truck.

long story short, she is now aware (again) that I know when she gambles. She knows her tricks (using different bank machines) to hide it doesn't work.

I told her about all the lies she has given me, and how it ruins my day, almost every day. financial issues gambling etc... talked about most of it.

she broke down and asked me if I know why she is like this lately (lately meaning the last few years), and I said I think i know. i siad i think she is manic always, and to my suprise she agreed.

during that night she broke into tears a few times about how she hates being out of control.

she said things like just wanting to get in the car and keep driving, to get away from the kids, from me from whatever.

she sayd she understands that is terrible, but cant control it, and literally couldnt hold back the tears exlaining ithiss to me.

at any rate, i tried very hard to explain to her nicel and calmly that because of the gambling problem I need and will be cutting/splitting the finances to protect us.

after we had talked about her being manic (shes been off meds for over 1.5 yrs) she said she'd go see the doc

I also expressed to her that I would like to be involved in this with her as this disease effects all of us.

she ahs apt today with family dctr who I assume will refer her to a phsychiatrist.

just a note to add, soemthign that did come up is confirmation that her mother is aware of the gambling and enabling.

she will lend her money when she goes broke at the casino to buy the food she was suppsed to buy, and tell her "make sure he cant find out"

10/19/2010 02:13 PM
Posts: 17
New Member

also talekd about the kids life and how she is soooo quickly angry at them all the time

she realizes all of it.

but has also said that if it came to the point where she had to choose between me and fixing the problem, she'd let me leave. she sayd this smiling, as she thinks its humorous that her stubborness ruining our marriage is a joke.

she said "even if I knew i was wrong, id still let you leave, its just the way i am"

10/19/2010 02:46 PM
Posts: 3930
VIP Member

Well that definitely sounds like a manic person talking, IMO. My husband used the same smug, snide attitude about anything we would talk about when he was manic. I hated it, it was very hurtful.

The good news is she is willing to go to the dr. and hopefully he will refer her to a pdoc quickly.

I am glad that you were able to stand your ground and let it be known that you will and must protect you and your kids. I would stay on course with that as much as you can and not enable her gambling. You can't control your MIL unfortunately, but you can control what you do regarding enabling.

I wish strength and power to get her the treatment needed and the willingness for her to accept it.


10/26/2010 08:45 AM
Posts: 17
New Member

she is on seroquel now for the last week.

gambling continues, infact it is getting worse.

10/26/2010 10:34 AM
Posts: 3930
VIP Member

When my husband tried seroquel he could hardly move. He felt like a truck hit him he said. Everyone is different, are you sure she is really taking it?

10/26/2010 11:35 AM
blonde0337Posts: 600

Hopeful, mine too. He would take it at night and then 20 minutes after taking it he was knocked out and would sleep for almost 24 hours..and when he would wake up he would be SOOOO angry.

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