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10/01/2010 10:42 AM

gambling(page 2)

sallyo
sallyoPosts: 3682
Senior Member

That's a tough one, langaan. Unless she's willing to get the help she obviously needs, she's going to continue down this path. Make sure that you, at least, don't enable her, and focus on you and your children's well-being. I wish you much luck.
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10/01/2010 04:37 PM
hopefulcb
hopefulcb  
Posts: 3932
VIP Member

Hi Langaan, alot of their statements are hard to swallow, they get so cold, and uncaring, it is frightening, because you know thats not who they are.

It is really hard when you have other enablers. Hopefully they will see the light and join forces with you. It is pretty sad that your children automatically assume she will go to the city. I know when my husband left us, and was so detached from us all, my boys got to the point where they didn't even mention him. There was just nothing to miss at the time. How is her relationship with your children when she is not in the "city"? It sounds like she just wants her cake and eat it too. What would happen if you were unavailable to watch the kids while she went to the "city"? Thats her cake and eating it too! You are being the responsible one carrying all the baggage at home in the real world.

My husband loved going to his AA meetings, and going out with friends too. He loved anything that didn't have to deal with REAL responsibility. He escaped on electronics and such, just like your wife is escaping to the casino. Without meds, I think it has to eventually catch up to her. It took over a year with my husband, unfortunately, but it did all catch up to him to where he wanted a change.

Be strong! And don't enable her anymore... JMHO

Cori


10/04/2010 07:52 AM
langaan1
Posts: 17
New Member

i did it again. she used sex on me this time though, and im starting to think that is always part of the reason i give in.

her relationship with our children is not good. she pretty much can't tolerate our middle child (daughter-9), and seems detached with her gambling/friends/busy busy

she has almost no tolerance for them, and she only really involves them with her if her friends are involving their kids.

its like she just doesn't feel any enjoyment out of them.

she expresses her thoguhts on facebook to her friends instead of to the children.

so yesterday, we went shopping in the city for our sons/daughters hockey equip. $500 later, and after listening to her talk about buying a new truck, a jacket, and our neighbors house that just went up for sale (wtf??), we got home at supper time....

just in time for her to rush the boy out the door, throw the girls in a bath, and quickly rush me in the bedroom to "convince" me to give her some money to go "shopping" in the city.

sex is definately my downfall. i know she uses it, but i fall for it every time.

i felt disgusted about it, i even felt disgusted for her as she put out her hand afterwards and said "so, $40 bucks? ... wait, you got some this morning too,,, hahaha"

i guess this would explain why i feel like I "owe" her after sex.

i was even thinking about this forum "during" sex last night and thinking to myself "ok, i am falling for it again right now, but why?"

all i could think of is the obvious, sex, and also the consequences of not letting her go... misery and/or detatchment

for the record, i made it clear several times that i didnt have moeny to blow. but she knows i have credit.

man, i cant beleive i may have to cancel my own credit just because i dont have the balls to say "no".

another FYI, her mother and father are in the same boat, they enable because they do not want to make her upset with them.


10/04/2010 09:10 AM
hopefulcb
hopefulcb  
Posts: 3932
VIP Member

Don't keep kicking yourself over it. We all want to feel connected with our SO and sex is usually a good way to do it.

The thing you should try to remember is your ultimate goal, which is, she needs to hit bottom so she will hopefully want to get help and change her life around.

It breaks my heart when I have seen my husband so detached from our boys, my eldest really wants that father son relationship and isn't getting what he needs and deserves.

Just thinking about my two boys, makes me a little more strong than if I didn't have them in the equation. You need to be the strong one, since you are all you have, since your in-laws won't stop giving in to her. Maybe if you set an example, they will follow, if they see it is working.

Be strong, and keep your eye on the prizeWink

Cori

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