Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

This has to do with my ex, and the effect is that I currently want nothing to do with Jack.

I don't want anything to do with either of them...or any man who can't see beyond his penis...which is 99.9% of them, I think. While I can still be friends with men, I cannot be friends with my ex.

I cannot even be friends with him. This from the woman that could be killed by someone, come back to haunt them, then pull a Mike Wazowski and tell them a joke instead. I swear...

I cannot even be friends with my ex...*shakes head*

Does Jack deserve this judgment? I think he's earned it, right at the moment, actually, yes.

I think it's called latent anger. I'm extremely pissed off with Jack for reminding me of my ex, right now. That ignoring BS really has me torqued. But really, I need to feel angry toward my ex, and let it motivate me.

I'm so angry with him, right now. He doesn't regret anything he's done. I laughed in his face...well, over the phone. Then, I said, "Well good for you...if only everyone could say that." Maybe then, I wouldn't regret half the things I've wanted to do, or maybe I wouldn't even feel guilty for those extremely nasty prayers I've prayed that he doesn't even know about. If God had answered them in the affirmative, though, I think I would probably have offed myself, though, so I'm really glad He didn't.

I wish my anger motivated me. It rarely does, though. I get depressed instead, usually.

I think emotion can be a very good thing Stolen.

I think it can serve a purpose to really face reality to accept that somethings just suck and I think by doing that we bring it out in the open and deal with it so that when we are ready we can move on.

I think you're on the right track here.

Damsel

I've always been treated like I'm not supposed to be angry. My ex could call me a bitch, tussle with me, even punch me and pull a knife on me, but when I say enough, when I fight back, OMG, I should burn in hell. And it's not just the ex that seems to think that, but anyone he has ever spoken to about it. WTH? He even had my dad convinced, until my dad realized he was just playing him.

I unloaded on the kids tonight, and I feel badly that I did, but I'm so tired of everyone thinking I'm just a self-absorbed bitch. Yes, I have depression, and that is a form of self-absorption, but there are reasons.

I just need, now, to not let it keep its grip on me. I informed Jack that I wouldn't let even him hold me back from that goal, and if his actions affect me negatively and keep me under the thumb of depression, or anyone's thumb at all, then he's not for me. I like many things about him, but his affect on me, if it will continue to be thus will trump everything else.

Stolen, a psychiatrist told hubby and me that depression was often anger turned inward. I think that for many people, especially women, we are so averse to being angry we are prone to depression when we turn it inward.

Yes, I've read that, too. I wonder if it's a "stuff it" sort of thing. I have never liked myself when I've gotten angry. Well, when I've "lost it," I mean. As long as I'm alone, that's one thing, but with the kids around, it's another. lol.

I get angry, then it passes, and is immediately replaced by forgiveness. In some ways, I think I'm too aware of my own shortcomings, and therefore, have difficulty holding a grudge long enough to protect myself. I'm not proposing that we all hold grudges, but I do think they are a protective device, that as long as we let them go once danger has passed, are actually a healthy thing.

The guy that collaborated on the book I mentioned in another thread, How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, has the concept that anger does little good to protect us, though. He proposes acting out of compassion for the person. We put a stop to others' hurtful behavior toward us out of compassion for them. I think we need to work our anger and compassion together, for max effect. At least, I think I do. I haven't really examined it all that closely.

Anyway, I'm too fried to care about either of the two irritants in my life right now. I'm going to apply for a job as a lab assistant, for which I'm overqualified, but I need a job, and I hope with all hope, and pray to God that I get it or something similar. But, He is in control, and when I don't get something I want, it's usually because a different course is best, so I'm continually learning to trust.

Ugh I don't think I like that philosophy at all.

I don't know what I think or how I feel anymore.

Everything I read or see just seems like rationalization for letting other people treat you like crap. Anybody else get this feeling or is it just me?

Damsel

Married I think a lot of us were trained to be people pleasers. I know in the group I don't necessarily do that. I say what I think and don't care if anyone else agrees but at work I guard my tongue. Actually it may cause me a lot of frustration there because I can't share my feelings. I have to hold it all in and just think to myself this is just all bullshit. But then I wonder who in their workplace doesn't have those same thoughts???

Damsel

"............has the concept that anger does little good to protect us, though. He proposes acting out of compassion for the person. We put a stop to others' hurtful behavior toward us out of compassion for them."

Anger does protect. Rosa Parks was Angry.

I am not responsible for anyone's feelings or thoughts. Yes, a kind word turns away wrath. That does not mean the wrath stops. Once again...it sez..."turns away." That means WE are turned from it. It does not mean it stops. Yes, we are accountable for how we feel and react. We are not responsible for changing another. It simply is not possible.

Post edited by: livinginablender, at: 09/30/2010 09:05 AM

That is the one thing that I do know where I stand on and that is that we cannot control the actions of others. What others do is not our responsibility. And when I say that I don't think it would be okay to purposely provoke a person to anger and then utter that response. More like if you're just going along living your normal life and these things happen then I think Okay I cannot control what he says or does. Am I allowed to get angry? It's the normal and healthy thing to do and I think when we start to try to rewire our thinking we potentially cause a short circuit in the way our brain functions period. It's an issue of boundary also and knowing where ours is and requesting that others respect them.

I also think that many of our bipolar partners have the ability to choose their behavior to turn it off or on and they need to be accountable for their actions. Easier said than done I know but something to work towards in a delicate manner.

Damsel