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07/23/2010 09:07 AM

mania question

caroline88
Posts: 22
Member

Hi,

I have been reading for quite a while to learn more about my SO and his bipolarII disorder. I find immense relief in reading your stories and can relate to a lot of things that have been going on in my life.

I would like to ask a question on mania. My SO seems to have longer periods of mania. He is unmedicated and believes nothing is wrong, he just has high energy.

In April and May he was in a mixed mania, very angry and telling me hateful things. The words still hounds me but I am doing better now. We do not live together now. He told me he never ever wants contact with me again. He stated it was not of my behavior but because of other things and the way I carry myself and look. The accusations have been chilling to say the least. I am just wondering. Is it quite normal to be manic all the way through summer when not on meds? Which time of the year do they come down mostly? I just need to sort of plan to get him back to the pdoc and right now it's not the good moment and it won't work. What are your so's patterns of mania?

Caroline

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07/23/2010 09:14 AM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13305
Group Leader

Summertime here...all summer when not on meds. And again...November. Seasons affect the mania. Last summer round here was a nightmare. SO is currently medicated, yet had mania all week long. He is better this morning...I think. There are some changes in his moods, it broke last night...after a medical restraint..(knocked out mostly) on a prn. It was hell. My keys are not on the roof this morning and he told me his brains are calming down. We use the "F" scale..as in tornado. He does not remember the week before he hit the wall. I do not think he remembers some of the last week. My SO, when not medicated seemed to come down in Feb. from the summer mania. That was last year...it was a doosey. He did not have the fall break. He just kept rollin. He had built up so much momentum it was like a coal burning train. The train wrecked, (I helped crash it, was not hard..) In late Jan. The best months for him are the spring months.

07/23/2010 10:49 AM
caroline88
Posts: 22
Member

Hi Livingin,

thanks for your answer. My so is quite similar in patterns. It's just I am concerned he gets a lot worse now as he has not been in touch at all. We are no longer together but we agreed to stay friends until he changed his mind to quit completely. Like so many times before. I think even a friendship is not possible. His mania has taken off. Last year he crashed in september/october. Usually around the change of season like autumn and spring, his moods change. This year he has been bad, he had a lot of work pressure on him and he had very angry outbursts. I think he drinks heavily too. I was reading the Mel Gibson post on here and it sounded in so many ways chillingly similar. The rants about looks, disgusted with me and the I don't want you. Caring only for myself blahblah. It's just too gross. I am just trying to see and wait to get him help again. I am not giving up on him yet. Great to read that your so is on medication but I am sorry to read that you are going through some hickups now. I wish you all the best, please stay strong.


07/23/2010 11:19 AM
Belle121975
Posts: 135
Member

Caroline88-

Sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch this summer. I think a lot of us are in the same boat. I was only with my SO for 3 months but it was 3 months of progressive hell. We lived together and although our situation was not ideal it was on the upswing. I had just recently been offered a great job and things were looking up for us when his Mania took off, right about at the very beginning of the summer. He grew physically violent. I would think Summer would be a more normal stage but it doesn't seem to be the case. After his last violent outburst and I said no more. He took off without a word to me. It's been over a month & I've heard nothing from him. He has had his phone go directly to Voicemail for the past month as well (I stopped checking it but I am sure it still is). The day after he moved out he was on facebook asking a woman for a beach date. I am fairly certain he was still trolling craigslist for women when we were together.

In any event, best of luck to you. Him leaving me was a favor for me. It hurt like hell at first and confused the hell out of me but I am done. I don't believe he will come poking back around but when he does I will act like I don't even know him. BP is no joke but it's no excuse to treat the people who you know love you like complete dirt.


07/23/2010 12:42 PM
caroline88
Posts: 22
Member

Hi Belle,

good to read your message and I am sorry what you have been through. I think you are having healthy boundaries for yourself and what you find acceptable or not. We can only take so much and it's admirable that you know what you tolerate or not. I think there's no right or wrong for staying or leaving. We do what we find best and each individual and situation is different. I have known my so for a long time and when we met, already in the first week I saw some signs which were unusual. The start was already rough and he talked about his difficult temperament. There was anger in the beginning too. It certainly didn't start of smoothly. Throughout the years we stayed together but apart. When he is not in an episode he is a wonderful friend. He has a high career job and I find this admirable despite all his problems, which he denies of course. Lately, he has not been stable at all. I feel his bp is progressing. I am not sure if I can stay in the situation any longer, hopping off and on the rollercoaster. Especially with the verbal abuse. It made me to be very reactive to him as well and telling him my truth which might not have been a good idea as he now feels victimized and I have become the enemy. But again, we can only take so much and not accept dirt. Perhaps now, he left for good this time. There's nothing I can do, he has to come to terms with it and go back on meds.

Your so probably will seek you out again. Stay strong and hang in there.


07/23/2010 01:12 PM
Belle121975
Posts: 135
Member

Hello again,

The verbal abuse from these individuals is the most INSANE. It is often unwarranted, not remotely appropriate for the given situation and more hurtful that what most ever experience. It is across the board with people who have BP. The go for the jugular when they snap where most healthy individuals wouldn't even raise their voice. I struck back at him in the end, both verbal and attempted to physically. He is off playing the victim right now I am positive of that! Mine went as far as to tell me I smelled. How childish is that. I don't smell. I have no doubts about this. When he was actually present he could be quite warm and caring but those moments of him being present were few & far between. His family seems to be at a point where they accept him and really don't make much fuss over him. His brother has much closer relationships with friends and family of his wife than he does of his own brother. A calm tolerance is what he has for my ex. That was a clue for me as well.

You have to ask yourself this: Would you allow a friend to continually treat you like this and be walking on eggshells around them? You might for a couple of times but you would start avoiding that person. That is how I am viewing relationships right now.

I have a really hard time even thinking that he will contact me. I just think he is gone forever but if he does pop up I want to be 110% strong. He has no chance of even being my "friend" again. I don't want to know someone who is capable of such inhumane treatment. BP or not!


07/23/2010 08:25 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11201
VIP Member

As I look back now, yes, my husband was usually manic all summer when he was undiagnosed. He was working a demanding job, so a lot of his mania would be channeled into that. And he was self-medicating with booze.
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