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06/24/2010 12:37 PM

It has happened again!!!

boriqua
Posts: 25
Member

Well...I have been gone for awhile...my wife left me back in febuary stating that she didn't feel the same, after having a week of bliss...then after a month...wanted to work on things...I came back and we did really really well...Got into an argument 3 days before our wedding anniversary...patched things up..and left for our anniversary weekend...Had the most glorious week following...we planned on moving to North Carolina...had a week of glorious sex...her telling me that the biggest win for her was having me..and that we got back together...and then the very next week she started pulling away...and then bam...she doesn't feel the same and isn't in love with me anymore...Now the big difference between this time and last...is that she actually is acting like she hates me...like I am the one who left her...she is short and even cruel to me at times...she told me that I am her best friend and we have such a great time together...and that we are companions..but that she feels no other connection to me..and doesn't feel any intimacy...this is after sending me great texts messages the week before thanking me for loving her so intimately...I am once again confused...and need advice as to what I can do to get her back...I love her...and No I wasn't "In love" with her every moment of our relationship...but I believe that real love is what is left after "In love" fades...she then told me that I have made her feel crazy because she allowed me to convince her of how she should feel about us...She will not come to terms with the fact that she has an illness...I have not contacted her except in regards to our lease etc...is this the right thing...or should I be more present...and let her know how much she means to me...and how much she is worth my fight...Please shed some light..Thanks
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06/24/2010 01:00 PM
damselndistress
damselndistressPosts: 16970
VIP Member

Boriqua this is what they do over and over again.

She will want you back if her cycle comes around and that is what she desires again.

Please read some of the other stories here.

We are getting the same thing over and over again.

It is very much like splitting if you want to reference that term.

While manic perhaps your partner idolizes you imagines you to be way more perfect than you can humanly be. Then your partner splits you and they can find nothing right about you and find pleasure in ripping your being to shreds. They will claim that nothing has ever been right in the relationship.

If you can find the solution to this one Boriqua you will become a millionaire no lie.

Many many other members here are dealing with the same exact situation and are faced with the decision no matter how much they may love their partner of having to make a decision on how long they want to live their life that way.

Med may help, but for many of us these behaviors continue beyond meds.

Good luck man, keep us posted.

Damsel


06/24/2010 01:59 PM
cshell23
 
Posts: 282
Member

Damsel,

That was said perfect.Me and my bp bf broke up about 6 weeks ago, and from what I can see in your writing boriqua (correct me if I am wrong)she

is not on meds.The one thing I learned here if they are not on meds you are looking for a life of hell.What you have right now will always continue to happen.He (my ex bf) was on meds.It helped so much, but he chose to quit.As we speak now he has become worse then I have ever seen.He has become completly hypersexual.You should read about that sometime.It closes all emotion to me for him.Yes, I love him too, but he is not here right now he is somebody else.The helpful closure for me is he did not give up on us.He gave up on himself.

I wish you PEACE!!!

Cshell


06/25/2010 11:10 AM
boriqua
Posts: 25
Member

Thank you for all the advice. My question is...what should I do from here. Should I leave her be...or maintain contact with her and try to win her back. I know it sounds ridiculous but I want us back. And I feel like She almost wants me to chase her...I almost feel like she is so cruel to me because I'm not chasing her. I just don't know what to do. Any advice will help... thanks

06/25/2010 01:43 PM
cshell23
 
Posts: 282
Member

Hey,

First you need to decide how you want to spend your life.To be honest I

do not understand why you would even leave her if you want to "chase her back".un med bp live a life of head games.You are probably correct when you say you "feel like she wants you to chase her".You do not have bp she does.My question to you is what kind of life do you want.I can almost bet you anything if you asked every person on this forum that made a decision to leave their partner for a healther life they would all still say they love them.They probably still worry at times to.We have logic bp people do not have logic.They live in the moment without any thought of consequences.Year one with my ex was almost identical to your first post.Year 2 was all drs and medicatons.In my first year when we where in "heaven" and he would out of the blue just say "this is not gonna work out etc etc."It completly shattered my heart.There where no warning signs, no argument leading to this final moment.With meds all of this stopped.He decided to quit them and many many of the bad behavior came back.I just wanted to share this with you because if you really want out going back in should not be an option.She may promise you the world, but if her actions do not follow through then they where words in vain.I say this to you because I truly care.I wish I had found this forum years ago , but I did not.I would be a basket case right now if it was not for the wonderful truly heart caring people here.That do not just share wisom and advise.They live this everyday as well.You are not alone.You just really need to decide what kind of life you want for you!!

I hope this helped some..

We need peace in our lives.

Cshell


06/25/2010 05:46 PM
rch
Posts: 2639
Senior Member

CShell .. Well said.

My opinion :

There is no use in trying to understand and make logic of bp. She is sick. That is that. It will not make sense. If you want to go and live a life of chaos and pain, well chase her. It may be that you are caught in the dysfuntional cycle she is controlling. However, she is actually out of control. So, you may go down with the bipolar ship if you follow her or chase her.

My husband is on meds. It is manageable these days since the meds. If he goes off them .. it is over between us. And yes CShell is right .. I love him. But I refuse to live in a constant state of crisis.

I wish you every bit of clarity and peace ..


06/26/2010 07:44 AM
damselndistress
damselndistressPosts: 16970
VIP Member

Maybe ask yourself what it is exactly your thoughts are related to getting her back?

Chances are she will leave again or treat you badly or waffle back and forth.

You may have one more good week?

Do you want her back just for one more good experience? Followed by another really bad one?

Why not pursue a relationship that might have some stability.

I'm not sure you want the reality of her back.

That person she was for the one good week is not realistic. It is not something she can sustain for a prolonged period of time.

Do you like mania?

Just some things to think about here I'm not sure you're thinking clearly about this person and that their real person cycles up and down and along with that is cruel and doesn't want to be with you.

It's not what love is-this is more of an obsession combined with mania that your wife seems to have for you while manic?

Damsel


06/27/2010 12:05 PM
boriqua
Posts: 25
Member

Cshell...Thank you for the advice...I have to clarify that I didn't leave her...she left me....I am trying to come to understand what it is I want right now...My heart wants her...but my mind knows that my life with her will be absolute hell if she is not medicated...I guess I just have to keep soul searching..as it stands it seems that she is filing for divorce...so as it stands I may not have a choice but to just walk away...I am just trying to keep it together right now...it seems like as soon as I start to get stronger something she does knocks me right back down.

06/27/2010 07:57 PM
Silvaria
SilvariaPosts: 39
Member

"And I feel like She almost wants me to chase her..."

This sounds exactly like my ex-fiance'. He tells me he doesn't want me to pursue him, but other things he says tell a completely different story. All I can say is, if you do chase her, it will become a pattern. She will run away, and expect you to beg her to come back. It will most likely be never-ending, I'm sad to say.

And not to be a dash of cold water, but even if she is medicated, this will most likely be your life if you stay with her. My ex- takes his medication regularly, and still goes through cycles.

I wish I had some advice for you, but all I can do is say I know exactly where you are coming from...including wanting her back, despite everything. Please keep us posted, this is an awesome place for getting support from people who have been there, done that, and have the T-shirt.


06/28/2010 08:27 AM
damselndistress
damselndistressPosts: 16970
VIP Member

Boriqua-in many ways this is the reality of having her as your wife. She is not with you-you are alone.

Many of us spend our days this way while married to our bipolar partners. When my husband is home he is many times self occupied and does not relate and bond with the family.

He goes through the hot and cold intimacy levels where he is so clingy or horny that it is annoying to then needing his space and distance to then not even wanting to be married or claiming to not have any happiness with me at all.

Who is the one governing all of that. Unfortunately I think if there is any blame to be placed it is on the bp cause he can't even see what this is doing to us.

These relationships are very confusing.

There is not much normal about them but you until divorced have your wife at the capacity that many of us do. And it's a very isolating lonely painful experience.

Damsel

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