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04/21/2010 10:26 PM

Narcissism vs. Bipolar Disorder

stolenheart
stolenheart  
Posts: 1723
Senior Member

I posted this in another thread: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/29359.php

I think this difference is why I felt more at ease with Jack than with my ex. My initial impressions of people are usually dead-on accurate, but I have quite a learning curve. Dizzy With my ex, it was a general feeling of unease. With Jack, it was "good" and "genuine."

Still, I didn't know I'd have to deal with the same types of behaviors, however limited. *sigh*

Someone else who gets impressions of people told me, "Your new guy is not your ex, so don't treat him like your ex." I'm trying...

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04/22/2010 06:51 AM
Tammy100
Tammy100  
Posts: 58
Member

Thank You for posting , excellent read .....

04/22/2010 07:55 AM
rch
Posts: 2639
Senior Member

This is a great article

I read closely. I have often wondered if he is just plain N and ot BP or both. But, reading that, I am quite sure he is BP and not N. Thank god. since NPD has some control and seems to almost choose to not care, and BP at least can get to empathy sometime ...


04/22/2010 12:49 PM
Imnoangel
Imnoangel  
Posts: 1981
Senior Member

Thanks, stolen. This verified what I thought. My husband is classic bpII and his mother is a 100% narcassist... across the board.

I knew it. Smile


04/22/2010 01:32 PM
stolenheart
stolenheart  
Posts: 1723
Senior Member

I thought I might run down my experience with NPD, while I figure out dinner. ;p

I think I want spaghetti. XD

Anyway...

When we first got married, we had nearly NO MONEY. We were both students, although he did work part-time before returning. The good thing about my ex is that he IS a hard worker. But he's horrible, HORRIBLE!!! with money.

He didn't want me to take care of it. We decided that it was the best thing, since my background was business/accounting, but apparently, he lied about agreeing with me. I would have the budget down to the penny, and all moneys accounted for with the accuracy of a diamond knife (used in microscopy for making extra-thin sample slices-lol).

He would call me up, say, "I forgot to bring my lunch and I'm going to stop at McD's." I'd say, "We don't have the money for that." He'd get mad and go anyway, then not tell me.

That was one of the things he did...or didn't do...tell me important information.

He undermined everything I touched, but would rarely ever admit wrongdoing, unless he thought it would bolster someone's view of him, including me. My view didn't really matter though, unless it was negative, until I had separated from him the first time.

He's involved with the Cub Scouts now, and is actually in the highest leadership position for the pack. Talk about narcissistic supply! During that time, that he took the position, I realized that he would be dealing with the pack money. I got scared. Seriously. He had taken funds from my [separate] school account, rather than being honest about our money problems. Admitting it would be the opposite of gaining narcissistic supply. Apologizing is ONLY for when all other options have ceased producing supply, even if there is admission, which is actually sort of funny.

Okay, so I told him, "If you can take care of the funds for the Cub Scouts, but not our funds, we wont' have a snowball's chance in hell of EVER working this out." I wasn't especially inclined to give him another chance, but I recognized the benefits for my children, and if there was a chance at all, I prayed for it. The chance never came.

During the summer, when there was a considerable dearth of funds, our roof caved. He took a 401K loan that came late Sept/early October, and I thought he was going to fix it. During that time, he was also in the middle of planning the Cub Family Campout for the district (annual weekend camp that's like a carnival/fair), which is a huge undertaking for one person, but he did it. Did the roof get fixed while he had funds, and while he was planning the campout???? NO! Why? Because the campout was more conducive to his gaining his narcissistic fix!

It is ALL J ALL the time! ALL the time!

Being considerate of me at home doesn't get him what he wants. Well, it would, but it's more fun to put me down, keep me down, WIN over me, than to work with me as a partner, unless he must by law or to keep getting that recognition he hasn't really earned, or sometimes, when he has.

When Jack has been an ass (hehehe, I just got that), he apologizes. I don't have to explain what he's done wrong, usually, he just does it, on his own. He's a lot more responsible for himself. I can tell he's put a lot of thought into his actions, into things he's probably been accused of, in the past, or things he wants for his relationships. His actions are inconsistent, which is a HUGE difference from J.

Oh, did I mention the temper tantrums here?

OMG!!! J acted like the BIGGEST BABY EVER!!!! Clamming up, and putting on a mad face, or lying facedown on the bed in a rage, clenching his fists, sometimes crying. And if that wasn't enough, he would leave the house, sometimes saying he would be better off dead, which, of course, would worry me. During his rages, he would punch things, including me (only a few times, thank God), he and I have tussled. Throwing things was my issue, but I did stop that, pretty quickly, especially after I nearly hit him with a glass.

I think I can count, on one hand, the number of times he apologized during our 11-year committed marriage. I think Jack is up to 3 times, now, in 8 months, not including apologizing for causing me disappointment over something that's a normal part of life. LOL!

Jack apologizes, is mostly kind, really does seem concerned with keeping me with kindness rather than abuse to beat me down in order that I won't "escape." Sometimes it looks like that, but with the things I sent to him...if he wasn't already heading into a depression, I think he definitely is now. Sad I am certain that he will think about the things I said, and will do whatever is in his power to NOT let that be the case. But I just don't know how much of that is in his power to do.

Okay, well, maybe you can see the differences from a real-life situation, in addition to the article.

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