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04/10/2010 08:38 PM

Really?

Mary2009
Mary2009  
Posts: 685
Member

My husband e-mailed me that he was not going to send money and I should let the house go into foreclosure. Our financial settlement states he will pay half of all home expenses until I refinance or modify the loan. I told him that our financial settlement requires him to pay court cost and attorney fees if I have to take him to court to enforce it. I said since we are going to end up in court over the divorce anyway, we can just take care of it then. He moved to NY which unlike Florida, is NOT a no fault state, and he will finally have to face what he did. I have plenty of time build up at work to take off and have family about 3 hours from where he is. I can go up there for court with no problems. He replied, “I have no intention of going to court for our divorce, I will wait a year and file for a no fault judgement of divorce.”

It just astounds me sometimes what he thinks he can dictate. Does he really think you can just get a divorce without going to court? Does he really think you can get a no fault judgment in a fault state, especially when one spouse does not agree? That is the case in Florida but he moved to NY and he plans to file there. Is this delusion, willful ignorance or is he just a jerk? Rhetorical question, of course. This is just the latest. A few months ago, he told me he was filing for divorce in NY soon. A few weeks later, he said he would have to wait a year. I wonder what he will find out next. You would think at some point he would stop making assumptions and get some real information.

Thanks for listening. I'm just venting. I know at some point his rational self will come back and I won't have to deal with delusion man. I am no fan of delusion man and pray the day will come when he is gone for good.

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04/10/2010 11:10 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11504
VIP Member

Sorry you are going through this. I infer from your post that he is refusing to accept his diagnosis or refusing to take meds or both.

But an unmedicated BP person can thing he or she can do anything! Including convince a judge that his or her case is the one that is the exception. So just hang in there and let the law take its course?


04/11/2010 02:36 AM
cshell23
 
Posts: 283
Member

YES!!!!!

04/11/2010 06:53 AM
Mary2009
Mary2009  
Posts: 685
Member

He has not even been diagnosed but since he left, I have learned a lot. He is textbook Bipolar and I found out that his paternal grandmother and aunt have both been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. There are family rumors that his Mother is also. I can see that but I don't know her well enough to know for sure. We would only see her once a year. Over the years he has been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and panic disorder with agoraphobia. The agoraphobia diagnosis lead to him being put on Pexeva last spring. He went from barely being unable to leave the house, actually one room in the house, to being the greatest thing walking with me holding him back. I didn't even recognize the man who left me.

I am trying to take things as they come and not take anything he says or does personally. When it comes to the divorce, I really have all the control. Since the financial settlement is signed, I can file an uncontested divorce here in Florida and have it over in 30 days. It's not what I want but I know I can.

Thanks for listening guys. It helps to get it out.


04/11/2010 02:28 PM
WARHORSE
WARHORSE  
Posts: 5057
VIP Member

Mary: "Delusion Man"???? I LOVE IT!!!!Laughing

I also live in Florida, am not a lawyer and don't even play one on TV.... But I have been divorced here before. Let me know if I can help at all.


04/11/2010 02:48 PM
Mary2009
Mary2009  
Posts: 685
Member

Thanks Warhorse. I hope I don't have to take you up on that. I paid for a lawyer to do the financial settlement but I'm going to try to do the rest of it myself. Money is a huge issue, of course. There is a three hour workshop through our clerk of the court for $10. I'm hoping that will be all I need.

04/11/2010 02:52 PM
WARHORSE
WARHORSE  
Posts: 5057
VIP Member

Wow, that sounds like a good deal, Mary. I'd definitely take the course. Do you guys have kids together?

04/11/2010 03:17 PM
Mary2009
Mary2009  
Posts: 685
Member

No, Thankfully. He never wanted children and with his anxiety issues, I knew he could not handle it.

04/11/2010 07:16 PM
WARHORSE
WARHORSE  
Posts: 5057
VIP Member

Mary: Then if you really want to get divorced, this is a no-brainer in Florida.... No-fault divorce, community property state.... Oh, and by the way.... if the ex is being testy like my original was, even though the court is supposed to be done with you guys when the final order is issued.... The judge in my original case was so concerned that my husband was being such an ass (non-BP guy, by the way) that he claimed 'judicial privledge' until my ex finished paying me what was due me, because I left the house and everything else behind and he had to pay me until it was done.... In other words, had he stopped paying me what was due me, I could have STILL taken him back to court and the judge would have issued an order to compel him.....

04/11/2010 08:09 PM
Mary2009
Mary2009  
Posts: 685
Member

I really don't want to divorce him. He walked off and has not had to do anything, so I want him to have to do SOMETHING! And I want him to have to pay for it. That and I still love him and want him to get well.

Tonight he e-mailed me that his Mom will be in town this week and she could meet me Friday at the DMV to get my name off his car. Something I have been trying to get him to do for months. When I read he wanted me to meet her, I started crying. I feel sick. I don't think I can face her. She is not a nice person at all. She is a recovering alcoholic. When my husband was diagnosed with anxiety years ago, she told him that it was really the alcoholic gene causing it. He just needed to be stronger and didn't need medication. He does not have a dirking problem, in fact he rarely drank while we were together.

It's funny that we got along for years while my husband kept saying, “you have not seen the real her”. When she did finally start acting like “herself” with me, I was shocked.

I was thinking, she works at an abused women's shelter and in an office working with mentally challenged adults. I thought that said who she was. You can't even image what I thought when she told me the things she took from the donations at the womens center, “they don't need it” and referred to her other clients as “retards”. My husband laughed and said, now you have seen the real her.

She has not spoken with me since he left. In fact, she has not responded to the few e-mails I sent. She does not like me and I'm sure several of the things he said to me before he left, I believe were directly out of her mouth. I don't know what I'm going to do. Fortunately I have therapy on Thursday, so she can help me sort out my feelings about it. My brother will go for me if I want him to. In fact, he really does not think I should go at all. He's probably right.

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