Well I have tried 4? counselors here?
The first was an acquaintance with mother in law.
He really pushed for their side, said things like one thing mother in law always did was let her son know how proud she was of him. Well I don't believe in giving false praise. Husband is getting a bit better believe it or not and his actions during that time left much to be desired. He just wanted my blind support while he was going off doing irresponsible things. It was during the time he was charging up 60K worth of debt. I guess you could say he was hypomanic. The emotional abuse had started and his parents were in denial. It was a tough time because we had just started having kids too-I pretty much didn't like the whole scene. I guess that first psychologist gave me mixed advice. He would say something helpful for about every 5-6 things he said that wasn't helpful.
The second then was very blunt. That was the one where it wasn't uncommon for me to be referred to as bitch right in session. I don't really feel we accomplished much there either. Husbands main goal seemed to be to get them to manipulate me to 1) support him even though I didn't agree with his actions 2) show more affection
I resented like I said most of what was going on at that time. Husband spent so much of his time gone leaving me with the little ones to take care of and I was supposed to just think it was great. My exhaustion was starting at this point and looking back it was the path to my own breaking point but I still don't know what I really could have done. Pushed for more help I guess and set a boundary or several.
The third person I think was a pastor, I only went once. He referred me to another woman in the church who's husband was bipolar. His behaviors were inappropriate-I guess it was a type of warning-she was a nervous wreck. She would call me on the phone I regret now not having her phone number but I was very busy at the time working and trying to manage things alone. But she said she had found a good doctor about 3 hours south of us. I knew it was out of the question that we try to go with all we had going on.
The fourth just told me to divorce my husband within the first 20 minutes of describing the relationship.
But she did tell me to buy the book walking on eggshells.
Now the one I see was the one people nicely told me that they weren't so sure I should go back to even though I like her.
She said I picked the wrong person and that she isn't sure she can save this marriage. She is a nurse who went on for further education in mental health. She prescribes meds and does talk therapy both.
The kids really like her and her office is cool-it's really earthy. I'm not sure how much she can really help me.
I am educated to a point on this stuff I guess my biggest problem is knowing how to communicate with my partner so he doesn't just blow his stack, also trying to negotiate for him to do more of his part.
I can't force him to do anything and honestly he can sit there in therapy and say anything I need to see action. So basically I need to learn how to handle him.
I did read a lot and spent hours and hours going over his actions and past history. It really did and does consume my life. I regret a bit the impact it has made and it really wasn't fair for myself or the kids that so much time even if it was psychological was spent on him.
I know easier said than done but if I could go back I would have tried to worry less and just enjoy the kids, I tried to do that, but I was also very preoccupied and felt like I needed to be for our future.
I guess with all of my experience I wouldn't feel yet ready to write an article since my experience was so spread out and I don't know that I ever got anywhere with it. I'm not sure that my perspective would be fair.
People say to shop around and that's really good advice.
Damsel
