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03/20/2010 03:26 PM

Codependant me caught in action....

damselndistress
damselndistressPosts: 16951
VIP Member

Well I've been a crutch for a coworker now since December.Blush At first I didn't realize how bad her problem is. I think she has social anxiety and is afraid to come back to work.

I am working for her tomorrow but she couldn't find anyone to work for her today and I was already working a day today (day shift) that I had traded a day last weekend for.

I just spoke to this coworker yesterday and asked her if she was coming in today. She has not worked since Christmas.

I was working and the phone rang-I answered-it was her calling in.Pinch I couldn't believe it. As she went on and on as to why she couldn't come I just couldn't help but think you are going to lose your job but I can't tell you that.

After I hung up I wanted to burst into tears. I wanted to make it right for her. I started imagining trying to just stay there until she could come in. I had already been there since 6:30 am how long could I stay. I knew this wasn't right for my family who needed me to come home but I wanted to make it right and do what she couldn't do. I just had this feeling of everything unraveling as I realized I could not fix this for her that I had to let whatever happen happen. My relief came in and I let her know this other worker wouldn't be coming-obviously I heard negative things like well she just needs to quit.

There wasn't anything I could say-I felt helpless. I told her I wished I could help but I'd be back tomorrow to work this coworkers 3-11 shift it's all I can do. The bad thing is I'd really like her job. This makes me feel guilty and like I'm in some kind of paradox. Not wanting her to lose it but wanting it myself. It is true with her keeping it I got to pick up some of her hours, but I can't do it all it's too much. It's been three months and I guess we'll just see what happens.Wink

Damsel

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03/20/2010 04:36 PM
WARHORSE
WARHORSE  
Posts: 5057
VIP Member

It's OK, Damsel... unless you know what her true motives are and why she can't come in, there's not much you can do or say but try to cover.... Maybe she is facing a similar situation to you, maybe she is an addict.... who's to know or say? Help to the best of your ability, but not over-reach what you are able to do to help out. I'm sure you know the drill....

03/20/2010 10:23 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11198
VIP Member

Oh dear. I understand you better after this post. You have been covering for this woman since Christmas??? You have done as much as any reasonable coworker could do. I am sure this will not be enough to make you rest easy. You cannot solve everyone's problems!!! I hope you slept well tonight!

03/20/2010 11:35 PM
ennray
 
Posts: 277
Member

Damsal,

I am an assistant principal at a primary school. I quickly learnt that I could not keep covering for my team all the time. There are occassions when I am more than happy to help out when they are in great need. That is the easy part. But when it goes on for a long time and starts to interfer with my private life that is when I know I can not keep continuing what I am doing. You sound like a wonderful colleague and supportive friend. Just don't overlaod yourself. You have enough stress in your life, you dont need to add to it, you need to reduce it!

The reason I got my job was very similar to your situation. Dont let a colleague hold you back. She obviously does not want it, you should go for it and dont fell guilty about it. People will hold you back if they can because they dont want to see others better than them. You have to rise above all.

Post edited by: ennray, at: 03/20/2010 11:38 PM


03/21/2010 01:13 PM
Loyalty
Loyalty  
Posts: 121
Member

All things happen for a reason.....

03/21/2010 01:50 PM
socalguy
Posts: 16
Member

wow you guys are all sweet, if it was me. i would so throw her under the bus and steal her job.. just saying .

03/21/2010 06:45 PM
broken33
broken33  
Posts: 393
Member

I agree that all things happen for a reason and that reason is we make them happenSmile It is what is known as free will.
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