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05/21/2013 07:55 AM

I miss him a lot today

Ready2listen
Ready2listenPosts: 244
Member

I have days where I feel so okay being by myself and then out of nowhere I fall flat on my face and have days like today where I can't get out of bed. I live less than 5 miles from the tornado that devistated Moore Oklahoma yesterday and I think facing that tragedy has just made me realize how I don't have anyone. I hate to think about my trivial relationship issues when there are people who suffered so much more than me just up the road, but I can't stop thinking about everything my exSO and I did in Moore and its making me more lonely.

I want my life back. I miss him so much. I love him with all my heart. None of this is fair to anyone. Why doesn't he care about me anymore?

Post edited by: Ready2listen, at: 05/21/2013 08:27 AM

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05/21/2013 08:24 AM
DrDiva
DrDiva  
Posts: 2929
Senior Member

I am so sorry, Ready. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we all have down days, sometimes even years later. This is a serious trauma and because those around us don't understand, it makes it so much worse. You have us, Ready. We are here and we understand.

The "him" that you knew does love you, did love you, will always love you. I think of my husband as having died. I am a widow. His zombie walks the earth, but my husband is dead. I am grieving and receiving therapy for my ptsd. Slowly, I recover. I still have bad days 20 months later. They become less frequent and less debilitating as time goes on. Time is the greatest healer. In the meantime, please give yourself love and caring. If you are having a bad day, have a good cry. Sleep, dream, make lists, move yourself forward in baby steps. Peace and healing will come.


05/21/2013 09:18 AM
CrushedHeart
CrushedHeart  
Posts: 1255
Member

"Why doesn't he care about me anymore?" Even he couldn't answer that question right now, Ready. The wiring in his CPU is defective and fires all sorts of faulty 'signals' to his mental and emotional systems. He couldn't answer that question any better than you could. I'm so sorry this ever happened to you...or any of us here.

05/21/2013 09:24 AM
ifeelused
ifeelused  
Posts: 200
Member

My heart goes out to you, Ready. It has been almost 9 months for me and I still have my days. My ex is not only BP, but exhibits all the signs of being a sociopath. I learned that my ex cheated almost the entire time of our relationship and lied to me repeatedly. All this said, I still miss the good that is buried deep inside him. I want that man back even after all I have been through. I have been in therapy and it helps me to see that I deserve so much more than this man, and it also helps to see that I do have a great support system of family and friends that care about me. Try to see that there are people out there that do care about you. Don't let your ex take that away from you.

05/21/2013 09:39 AM
confusedexgf
confusedexgfPosts: 1639
Senior Member

Ready I am so sorry! I too still have horrible days. In fact this whole past week has been bad. I too miss the old him not the new him and I feel as if the man I knew is dead as well. I feel like this new man is a stranger. I don't know who he is anymore and I don't think I ever will. Try to remember that he did love you and care about you when he was stable, I try to remind myself of that when I am feeling down.

05/21/2013 09:43 AM
sara1078
sara1078  
Posts: 161
Member

I must admit, today is a hard day for me too. I had to go to London for my Multiple Sclerosis hospital appt. (I've got worse, they want more frequent appointments - no surpirse with the stress of late). I went with my Mum...and there were triggers all the way travelling up, the airport - the last time I was there we were going on our honeymoon, the hospital, last time I was there I was so excited as I was going to be wed in a few months...I remembered he texted me throughout the day last year and we celebrated when I got home that I was doing so well...the London underground, last time I was there we were collecting our wedding rings...I have felt today that I am holding in tears and now I'm home I'm letting it all out...

I guess this is all compounded that I saw his credit card statement...he has booked a trip to Italy to a beautiful place, he is spending lots of money in female designer stores and he is online dating...I've only been gone one month, we are married and I'm still pregnant. This rips my heart out, I hate it, today I'm SO sad and so let down...no strength left for today, hopefully it'll comeback tomorrow.


05/21/2013 11:23 AM
Sioux737
Posts: 719
Member

To all of you- I am so sorry for your pain and the bad day you are having. I am at one month of NC except for the lame text he sent me last week. It hurts. I too struggle with "why doesn't he value me?" I think it is the hardest part for me and knowing how ready he was to meet other women and have his options. It is a trauma. It must be....I have dealt with many things in my life and some were when I was a teen. I still manage to hold on to myself. This has really scrambled me. I feel many intense emotions all at the same time and then sometimes just numb. I feel like I sound like a broken record when I say this has really cripples my sense of self worth. I am so grateful for this forum.....day by day....step by step.....Take Care.

05/21/2013 12:42 PM
chelle005
chelle005Posts: 2466
Group Leader

i am so glad you were safe from the tornado.

Truly time heals these wounds.


05/21/2013 01:02 PM
mem7272



Post edited by: StefClev, at: 10/25/2013 07:48 AM

05/21/2013 01:14 PM
confusedexgf
confusedexgfPosts: 1639
Senior Member

Stef that's what gets me too. I don't know if he was actually unhappy and is happy as hell now that I am out of his life or if its the BP/mental issues he may have. Its even harder for me since he hasn't been diagnosed. I try to remind myself that he was happy he did love me and I really was the love of his life, some days I believe this some I don't. But I have to keep saying this to myself, its the only thing that is getting me through.
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