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09/17/2012 12:30 AM

I feel ??????

Posts: 2904
VIP Member

Ok so this might get long and I will try to be coherent but no promises.

My wife has not been well since the "stay" last month but as we were trying to get her seen she was getting worse (now I see for sure) and she was trying to get off suboxone (been on it for about 1.5yrs) but we recently got new motivation to get her off it because the doc she has to see for it thinks you can "will" away bipolar grrr anyway no matter what one does anytime suboxone is stopped it starts withdrawls which so I am told and have seen feels like you have a flu that is going to kill you. So while my wife was feeling like dieing anyway she quit suboxone and on friday night was being quite irritable with me and the kids. So for saturday I had some jobs to do and customers were expecting me, and she said she would be fine by herself. So I took the two younger ones to my folks and my oldest wanted to help me so we all had a good day even though we left late (after noon) and a couple jobs I was going to possible do didn't need it so I got done early (oh my dad help a bit near the end too) so as we head away from their house all of us together I call her just to see how she is since she hadn't called or texted. Well she sounded off even for her and so I kept talking and trying to decide to either come home and shower then all go out to dinner or just me and kids go and she wasn't really making sence. Then she says as I ask her to repeat as she sounded muffled "oh it was probably the plastic" I thought huh? She said well I was going to wait till you got home I dont want you to worry and dont worry now but I took some pills and rubberbanded plastic to my head to go to sleep, I made her repeat this cause I didnt believe it was real but said I didnt hear her "bad signal" she rspeated and I tried to stay calm as I was driving and had all 3 kids with me. I talked for awhile and then as she seemed more coherent and somewhat ok I said I had another call for "work" and she said no problem call me back. So I called my sister-in-law closest to where I was driving and she answered the phone with "so you brining the kids over?" Haha I said "ummm yeah weare almost there". So dropped kids called back to her and talked more than half the way home (about 30min total I made in 15 through traffic maybe should have dialed 911?). Got home and bedroom door was lock (bolt I installed to keep kids out ya know) instantly I thought of "break window in door or pull and bust lock" she heard me a jumped up to unlock. She had rubberband marks on her face. I got her in some pants and then a bra and she asked where we were going I said uh the hospital she said ok. On our way out she pointed out a knife on the counter and said "that knife is too dull to cut skin" I said "what" she "it's dull" me "no why did you say cant cut skin?" She grabbed it and sawed at her wrist and said see its too dull and I cant push hard enough but I did make these marks, oh yeah I saw them. Got her to hospital and found out she had taken rest of bottle of tylenol pm and half her zanax so she could sleep with plastic, and she told me how she researched how it works best and to use the right kind of plastic. So since she didnt want her stomach pumped she started make up stories to the doc while on a gurney with an iv being started. So I said honey tell the truth she glarsd at me and the doc turned around and asked me so I said "she told me she took 5 tylenol pm and 5 zanax but who knows" she didnt like it and when the doc left she started ranting about how the doc didnt listen but it made sense to me. So we sat there until she was cleared medically then over to the fun "crazy" side and when the social worker asked if she had a plan and my wife said "well umm not um I guess not really,, I interupted and said well the bag and rubber bands are still in her purse here (it was sitting next to me and I stopped looking for a phone charger when I saw it earlier) oh I hated that. The social worker said thats not good. She asked if she left would she harm herself to which my wife hummed and hawwed and I said well this is the first time she was left alone for more than 20min in the last 6months or so and she tried this so yeah she needs help HERE. So a call to pdoc on call (who happened to be same guy who worked with her last time) and yep up she went to stay.

I camehome then early sun morning and caught a few winks then gathered some stuff (hard to goin our room and see the knife) then left to go to my parents where everyone was gathering for lunch, they grilled some brats and saugtaed (sp) some onions/green peppers also had my moms awesome cucumber salad. Lunch was originally to be after family pictures but that plan changed oh well still good afternoon.

So they all decided that my brother would take the kids and the rest of us would go clean my house, I had mentioned needing help when I talked to mom before the whole thing sat afternoon. So I went to drop off some stuff for wifeat hospital and it happened to beright before visiting time and she is not good in any way. She said she was confused about why I came home early without the kids and I said well after what you told me whay wouldnt I have? She didnt remember the 2 calls while she was home and I was not so I filled her in some. She said she just doesn't want to sit around like a piece of furniture to which I said we can all go on if she is just sitting around but if she is gone we can't she tried to argue but so I said if sbe would have done that I would be in a horri le state but our youngest daughter (9 middle child adhd) would probably never recover and didnt know shewas even in the hospital yet since I didnt want the endless crying about missing mommy yet and our oldest would be emotionally gone and might just run off altogether (the only stable person in her life who has always been ther is her mommy) and our boy would not even remember having a mom unless I go find someone which would be years if at all (he is 3 and clingy on top). I admitted this might not be the best motivation but whatever she needs cause she needs to know that we need her alive.

The cleaning went well and is tons better got more than half dishes done (mom), dad scoped out sewer pipe and cleared kitchen table, dear sister in law made the bathroom spotless and organized 2 tons of hair products, I cleared crap off "other" kitchen counter and part of living room while gathering clothes and such for boy so he could stay with gma. I had mom and dad take knife they were curious so I told them dad took it and said ok we can get rid of it and mom said oh chris, was a bit tense and they got it as I dropped an f-bomb about the "knife" (they dont cuss or condone it). Once they left I had to too but I took bag from her purse and threw it away outside then cried my way back to house (I hadn't cried yet even last month but I sobbed now) and decided to load up all the alcohol (my beer her wine) since I feel.... you know I dont know what I feel AT ALL.

So got the kids from bro and his bride and dropped lil buddy at gma then he made me cry when he did and saying " I wa go my house" he did see me as my mom distracted and whisked away and I slipped out.

Now I am home and wondering what would have happened if I hadnt called or she hadnt answered? Or if we would ha e had a sharp knife clean? And would I have come home with the kids to that? Or what will happen next month or year ? I feel so "everything".

I suppose this can be good if anyone actually reads this all, DO NOT LET YOUR SO GO THIS FAR either get out or get them help but whatever you do DON'T SIT IN LIMBO.

Thanks everyone for listening. I am sooo confused right now but I will keep going as I know what to do with kids house and work.


09/17/2012 06:54 AM
Posts: 1255

Oh my god, Chris! I cannot even begin to imagine the emotional anguish you must feel right now. The pain must REALLY be deep. I'm at a loss for words. Please know that you have my heart; my WHOLE heart and I'm always available. I'm truly sorry to hear this. I cannot imagine where you must be emotionally and psychologically right now. This really saddens me.

09/17/2012 07:07 AM
CatbalooPosts: 6825
Group Leader

I'm so sorry, Chris. Thank goodness things worked out the way they did. Hopefully things will get better now that your wife is in the hospital getting the help she so desperately needs.

Big hugs.

09/17/2012 07:34 AM
Posts: 2904
VIP Member

Thank you both she really is wonderful when stable, it's just rough getting there.

Oh and she is starting a new med on top of others she is starting haldol (anti-psychotic) since she said that for the last couple weeks she has been seeing small shadow figures run past her and hearing voices whispering her name and other chattering (she's notsure what they are saying).

So her meds (I have written down somewhere) to the best of my memory are now lithium, depakote, doxepin, zoloft, propranalol, and now haldol along with her heart burn meds and an OTC water pill (due to propranalol water retention).

I am trying to work now but my brain feels like it is made of oatmeal and I keep fighting tears grrrrr.

Thank you all I feel like some here at least know what it feels like since my family and friends don't they just have no idea how I can still function, but I guess that is good for them not to know and not been through this crap.

I feel overwhelmed each time I walk in our bedroom now and so my back hurts a bit from sleeping in my recliner, oh well.

09/17/2012 07:54 AM
Posts: 13302
Group Leader

soboxone withdrawal on bipolar persons should be done in a medical detox setting .

its absolutely negligent not to.

i cannot believe her dr is cool with this ?

no taper, nothing ?

really ?

i am so sorry. what a nightmare.

09/17/2012 09:01 AM
Posts: 2904
VIP Member

Yep she called and apparently the "doc with the power" (I guess perscibing suboxone and talking from his butt makes him GOD??) came and saw her and "didn't get any messages from the hospital" so he was going to check if the pharmacy has subutex, really you $#@!^%#@$head, they had it last month BECAUSE SHE TOOK IT IN THE SAME FREAKING HOSPITAL. So I guess he isn't going to give her anything.

She is being really calm considering and she told a nurse that if she was kicking and screaming then she would probably be getting something, so I told her "If you feel want go ahead and raise hell what's the worst they will do confine you to a room and find something to give you I mean if you don't go hurting anyone it's not like they are going to send you to jail or anything" don't know if that was good but she always downplays this crap and I am about to storm the hospital to kick some A,,. Oh well so I am at work and obviously being "productive" oh well no boss around right now and I did have some e-mails to answer which I did. Sorry if that seems like a tangent but I think that is how my thoughts are nothing but winding rabbit trails of inner laced concepts winding and winding tighter and tighter to the point of cutting circulation. She misses us but today is little man's day she is missing him horribly and keeps think of his dances (my 3yr old, he has started "dancing" really shaking his hips slightly to any music) He is extremely cute and hilarious and was being a real ham yesterday at my folks I kind of miss him too. He will be spending tonight at home so that will be good. The floor she is on now will allow the kids to visit with me so that will be good for when she is more stable.

Thank you all.

09/17/2012 11:22 AM
Posts: 13302
Group Leader


i sent you a message.

you my friend, need to advocate more for your partner.

if you continue to leave it up to the lame staff / dope pushing man that does not give a fuck

if there is no med at the lame ass hospital for kicking sobox, they are not qualified to detox her.

i am afraid that your wife's mental health will SURELY DECLINE .

haldol is given because it is CHEEP.

I gotta ask, what kind of insurance do you have , that will tell me much about protocol .

Good god.

this is why i stopped working in such places. it's sooooooooooo all about the $$ and not about the patient.

insurance companies dictate protocol.

they LOVE to get folks on sobox and drop them on their asses when the $$ runs out from the insurance company as pr their protocol.

i have stuffed detox clients into my personal vehicle , and driven them to another facility because the facility stopped treating, as the insurence $$ has dried up..and so did the meds. clinet gets super sick, tachycardia and edema sets in

client is on the floor screaming wanting to die

and the f ing dr. lags returning call

client begins to vomit and seize. i txt asshat dr. he tells me to give client an aspirin.

yeah. an aspirin. clients vitals SOAR through the roof.

sobox dr/god is sent patients vitals. he dont give a f***. he tells me some crap about the pharmacy not having the med. yeah right,,,,,i usta work pharmacy. order that shit. not hard. UNLESS OF box dr. has used HIS quota..his records are bullcrap..he has to account for the sobox. OH HELL REALLY he gave it to his sister, or maybe someone else that was private pay....

i have seen this too..... sobox dr tells staff to administer sobox from another patient , when lady on floor is about ready to have a STROKE from the detox..

so staff gives sombody else's sobox to lady that is about ready to die in the rehab.

dr has to adjust records for count so pharmacy count is on the up and up.

omfingGod . horrible.

and here is your wife, caught up in this crap. i am telling you, this is what i see happening here.

seen it.

this is why i put clients in my truck without permission from admin. and take them to a DUAL DIAGNOSED MEDICAL DETOX , that i know is reputable.

i got in trouble for that....heres

admin told me that they were to loose 6k in insurance funds as a result of my decision to take client to another facility.

its all about the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ .

my first clue, from your the haldol rx .

bullshit. just bullshit. i don't know why you are not checking into DUAL DIAGNOSED REHAB FACILITIES like your Wife's life depends on it. (and it does)

we have been talking about her care for some time, since you joined the group.

chris, you need to move on this.

with all due respect

something is horribly wrong with this picture.


09/17/2012 11:26 AM
Posts: 13302
Group Leader


they told you she was not going to risk..

thats bullcrap.

a sobox kick without a taper and other meds, will cause elevated heart rate and blood pressure so severe that patient has a stroke.

happens .

seen it.

be advised.


Post edited by: livinginablender, at: 09/17/2012 11:27 AM

09/17/2012 11:45 AM
Posts: 13302
Group Leader


i got your message. yeah. use all the cuss words you want.

i would be mad as hell if i were you.

i am glad that she has a new pdoc that seems to know a bit more about her condition than the dopepushingsonofabitch sobox dr.

good job my friend.

don't trust the pusher man.

he IS playing God. I can see that from your posts.

I hate those guys. They f up their med counts, (like story above)

and then they will say shit like,

oh this patient is med seeking.


this patient has elevated vitals ATM

and is choking on their vomit in between screams.

sorry soboxdr got his count all messed up, and he got his d*** massaged by the sobox pharmacy rep every month...and the lexus he drives was payed for off the backs of the suffering of others...

and OMG, private pay always trumps insurance company protocols....

**lady is out of insurance funds or services ATM sooooooooo.......we will put her in behavioral health and give her haldol, and hope like hell she does not have a stroke. insurance will cover BH stay. ok.

its like a sorry ass game of cards , they dont tell you this crap when we take our loved ones to the dr.


i am ranting.

good thing i retired.

i cant look at this crap without using foul language and breaking company policy.

sobox dr's suck a**.

09/17/2012 11:57 AM
Posts: 2904
VIP Member

THANK YOU LIB and as I am trying to look something up and resist the urge to kill the subox doc she called.

Pdoc for her floor got involved got her subutex and she is stable as far as "detox" issues and he has pulled back some meds and keeping some but he asked if she was in a hurry to leave because he wants to get to the bottom of ALL of this and get her better, really better before he wants her to leave and it may take quite awhile, she said she is fine with this and appreciates it.

He talked to her pdoc (med student) from last visit and who was on call over the weekend and they are going to work hand in hand and double team her case since the plan is and they know we are getting her on my insurance in november and off of F***ING medicaid. She also saw a therapist who is going to set her up with multiple options after hospital but is going to best to get her pushed through the red tape and get her past the 2week wait for the office near our home.

So now she is back to her normal crazy and seems to be "good" for now. I am going to still find a dual diagnosis detox just in case but I "think" she is finally get help now that another higher ranked pdoc stepped in. Last time she waited for sub med about a day and a half and somehow she got it but no one at the hospital this time saw any record of who authorized it, this kind of makes me wonder are you at the hospital LIB?

Anyway now the new pdoc isn't sure that she is even bipolar with everything that is going on he said she definetly seems to have depression problems but her hypomanic may be just acting out because she has clearly high anxiety problems. The main reason he sees to question the bipolar diagnosis is that she is on depakote and lithium and she still is the way she is, both of these are proven bipolar meds that are just not working for her so the way he sees it, if she is bipolar she is very a-typical. We both agree if anyone would be a-typical bipolar it would be her nothing in her medical history has been typical so why would this be different.

Thank you all and I am going to continue to help this is just insane.

Oh and there are 5 people with her on this floor that were on the other floor with her last month with 4 out of 5 (she isn't sure of the 5th) being admitted due to suicide attempts. yeah they are all on medicaid, coincedence I THINK NOT.


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