Bipolar in the family Support Group

I am 24 and have had been living a wild lovestory for almost 9 years with a man misdiagnosed with ADHD at age 7. I have been with him through prison, jail and I have court tomorrow for domestic violence. When that incident occured is when I began my research. You see, we have a 2 year old son, when I was pregnant he became a very furious alcoholic, got a dui and counseling was ordered-thank god! The counselor diagnosed him with bipolar 1 rapid cycling. But we had no idea how serios this was. I just graduated nursing school 2 weeks ago, when we went over mental heath is when my eyes opened a little more, I read to him, he was very interested, then after almost loosing a very good job for loosing it on his boss he had to stay home from work and believe it or not, there was a thing on t.v. this 16 year old boy had bipolar and gave his story. He called my crying and he does not cry. I left school and went to a counseling service for people with no insurance. This was January, he got a referral the 2 weeks ago when this jail thing happened. Then I found this site and was blown away. A site for families sharing stories just like mine. It is scary! I had no idea and I keep asking myself why I did't research this before. If I knew then what I know now we would not be in this situation. I blame myself. I just graduated nursing school for god's sake. I'm writing a letter to apologize to the court and ask for a dismissal because he is sick and it is my fault for not being there for him. And after all I know, I still have a hard time talking to him on the phone. He's spent $650 his whole check since friday and all our bills are way overdue. He's buying drugs, he is shitfaced since he left and he's driving drunk. He could be in a jail cell right now on his way to prison. But I KNOW THIS IS THE DISEASE, I KNOW HE IS SICK AND THIS IS HIM SUFFERING, and it is still hard to talk to him, Please for those of you who have BP please enlighten me. Don't hold back I WANT TO KNOW how I can change my thinking to better suit him. I do know alot but I don't have a clue what it is like to be him. I want to buil a stronger, deeper relationship. I want our family to stay together, but I need to know how I can help him without being submissive or sucking up. I've been there and in my experience that is me walking on eggshells before the storm. I now if I can help him through that he has a chance of not being manic. I've stopped it before. But it has taken some will power and motivation for damn sure. But I go through things too and it is hard to change. But I need to learn how to change. We love eachother to the ends of the earth and our son is 2 and acts just like his dad. My love is Ian. His dad and little brother are also misdiagnosed with ADHD. My son could very well have it. The way he acts sometimes is scary. This is my life, I must learn to adapt the same way I would for my family to be stricken with any other disease. The sad thing is the stigma has made it close to impossible to be aware of how to deal cause society is too worried about how it sounds. Thank you all.

I am trying to educate you. Please go to the "opinions" thread, EmilyI am very passionate about my disorder and I am not one to be,k faint of heart. I was a psych nurse for years and so I know the thing from both sides, kind of.

Ala -non

A great group of people.........great group and very smart

just go and listen

you will see so much

You should not be blaming yourself for his actions and his illness, and you also should not be thinking in terms of trying to change your thinking to better suit him, in my opinion. Rather, your thinking needs to be in line with REALITY and he needs to be held responsible for his actions. Is he on meds? In therapy? If not, expect more of the same abusive and irresponsible behavior from him.

You asked how you can help him. My answer is that the only way you can help him is to let go of him.

Just my .02.

Thank you for your help. He is in therapy and he "says" he is getting meds as we speak. What can I say?? The fire of hope I've had seems to be being put out slowly by the man I wantED to love forever.

Sounds like at minimum you need to set some very clear boundaries -- things like no violence, no drinking, no drugging, attend AA, you control the money for the time being, he stays on meds and in therapy -- or whatever boundaries you feel you need to set in order for things to work between you. If you let him be abusive, drive drunk, overspend, etc. and there are no consequences to him for any of these things, then these behaviors will just continue and probably get worse. You are just setting yourself up for more misery if you put up with being mistreated.

I have set standards. It came down on be one day out of the clear blue sky. He started drinking, he hit me, went to jail and there is a no-contact order between us. I can't do alot of things right now, like give me the money and don't drink and drive. We just don't really talk very much because I won't talk to him after he's been drinking and he starts drinking when he gets home. To him, what I say and what he feels he needs to get through this time(which is drinking)are two different things. My son is safe, mommy is fine, and daddy is digging a big hole for himself. I am not making excuses for him, I feel silly even typing half of what I feel. I will not have anything to do with him while he is drinking and he thinks he'll come home and that day he'll quit drinking. So that leaves me with a toddler looking out the window asking for his dad when I know the consequences. How do you tell someone who is BP what it really is, or what they may need to do, or who to please go talk to?? You can't. You try to pick up the pieces and look for strength. This is giving me strength. Thank you all. There are alot of amazing people here.

I been through this so trust me when I say..."the toddler won't look out that window too long" I have 2 boys and they were very busy being boys. They only looked for him when I mentioned he was coming, which I stopped doing. Take him to the park or Mc Donald's.

noooo! NOT McDonalds!! Please! no corporate-sponsors here!!

ok, moving on...