When I was younger I was so close with my mother but now everything is very different. I obviously still love her and owe her so much for giving me the amazing life I have today, but in retrospect, I would give anything for my mother to be like she used to be.

Mom used to laugh a lot and joke around with me. She was quick-witted and silly. She was such a smart and strong woman who gave me the best advice. Now, when I attempt to joke around with her, I often have to explain the joke or the funny story several times before she gets it because her cognitive functions have been impaired by ECT. She lacks the confidence to give me advice or even joke back at me because of years of shame and self-doubt from being labeled as "mentally ill." Mom doesn't remember many events surrounding her ECT treatment, including Christmas. Her memory still suffers in her day to day life, frusterating her along with the rest of the family. She is unable to hold a job.

It's Mother's Day right now and I am writing this instead of my paper that is due tomorrow. I have such a great life. I love my family, my friends, and the college I attend. And I know my mother loves me and is so proud of me. Normally I focus on strenghtening my relationship with Mom rather than reminiscing about what used to be. But I just saw a card on postsecret.com that said "Dear Depression, please give me my mother back for mother's day" and it struck a chord with me.

Since it's Mother's Day, I really need to express something that I'm not ready to tell my mother. And that is that I wish she weren't ashamed of being bipolar. I wish that she would stop taking the drugs that make her seem like a zombie. I wish we could have heart to hearts like we used to. Mom, I miss you. Please find the strength to fight back against this disorder because sometimes it feels like you've given up. It hurts me when I call you from college and you slur your words on the phone because your drugs make you lethargic. It hurts when I try and tell you something I'm excited about and I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall.

I have amazing friends that I can talk to about this, but none of them have the same situation as me so it's sometimes difficult for them to understand. If your mother is bipolar, particularly if she has received ECT, I would love to hear about your feelings regarding the situation. Also, if you are a mother with bipolar disorder, it would be great to get a different point of view. Obviously the situation is painful on all sides.

Dear bipolar disorder, please give me back my mother for Mother's Day.

Gloria

My mother doesn't suffer from such things...but, i still felt like trying to reach out to ya.

My wife does have Bp and so does her dad....sometimes we wish to have her dad back in our lives but he also is not successfully treated. My wife however is. She is a successful mother, teacher, artist etc.

You know, there are alot of famous people with Bp and many have come forward and spoken frankly about their struggles. Sometimes knowing some of these stories can be encouraging. Google and you may find a list. It is not so bad to be BP, I mean, once it is managed properly that is.

ECT can be pretty hard on people's memories. We know a lady who had that done and it was really upsetting for her in so many ways.

Who helps your mom deal with all this? It sounds like her Bp is not being dealt with as best it could be. Often the medications need to be adjusted until the right balance is found. Also, many times medications don't work right for a particular person and may need to be switched altogether. Does she have a good doctor and support network?

I really hope you get your mom back. It is possible i think.