Is Bipolar a possibility?

Let me ask this. Is it possible that this is a new illness and that the trauma of his divorce and of his losing his wife prompted the onset of BP? Or has he had it all along and it was dormant? I am unsure of the facts of BP, but I dont recall his ever showing signs of BP prior to this. I just wondered. Thanks!

Its too bad - we all have to deal with this stuff - people die, husbands (bipolar or not) can be totally useless and unhelpful at times (lol) and everyone has probably been fired/laid off at some time. I guess for those of us who are healthy it is so much easier to roll with the punches, whereas for someone with bipolar, all these life events trigger worse problems, and are sometimes caused by the bipolar person themselves.

In our family, everything is made worse by my sister. Right now dad is very ill. In addition to the stess of dealing with this, we have no meaningful support or help from sister, and she is going out of her way to cause new problems that my brother and I have to clean up (like the doc at the nursing home dropping dad off his patient roster because he wont deal with my sister) These things are happening because the stress of the situation is creating a cycle for her of mania/depression. I think my bro and I understand that, but we also feel like we are shipwrecked on an island together in the middle of a storm trying to cope. And then what do we do when we get more bad news- my bro just found out his MIL has stomach cancer. So I try to support him and my SIL with this, because I know my sister will not be there for either of them.

When my husband has something stressful happen, he can't cope with it and it's basically "the end of the world" for him. It's like his coping mechanism is ka-put! He is the ultimate drama king, but he's my king... and he wants to be treated like a king, and I do treat him like a king (if I'm treated like the queen I am! [dramatice laugh]).

But seriously, I know what you mean, CherylAnn. If we are planning to camp out and it suddenly starts to rain, he just looses it. He starts blaming us that we "didn't get ready fast enough" or I "didn't check the weather". It's always someone else's fault. It seems like he always exaggerates the stress in each situation. I know some people who won't associate themselves with us because of my husband's behavior.

On the good side, he's getting better! He's becoming more and more self-aware and much better at dealing with situations.... well, with SOME situations. He still has his moments. The point is: He's really trying and I can see that. And as long as he keeps trying, that's all that matters to me.

Funny thing happened yesterday. I've been at home taking care of our 9 month old daughter. My husband has been working for the last 20 days straight, 12 hours a day. He came home last night, tired. He walked in, she gave him this big smile. He smiles a little, but you could tell he wasn't in the greatest of moods. I said, "Look! It's da-da!" and she said her first word: "Da-da!"

His whole face lit up and he dropped his jacket and lunch bag and grabbed her. I told my sister what had happened and she said, "She hardly sees him and she's with you all the time and she said, 'da-da'??" That's right. And you know what? That's totally okay. Seeing them bond together like that was just so heart warming. It was cute. I cherish anytime that my husband is in a good mood.

I have found one of the keys to avoiding triggers is a stable enviroment. My wife and I have intentionally created a safe stable enviroment, not many suprises in life here on the farm. If there is a stresser, we try to remove it. There are still those things that cannot be prepared for but not having all of the other stressors makes it easier to deal with the suprises when they come along.

GOD BLESS

RED

However, she is still in a stage where she does things that down the road cause instability for her.. ie. a few years ago she bought a house that had a mortgage roughly equal to her pay check. It doesn't take Einsteen to figure out thats a recipe for disastor, when end of month rolls around and theres no money for food. And don't ask how she was able to get all those mortgages! She can be very charming and persuasive. (As my brother says - she presents well)

I am quite confused though about how the mood disorder works. She has from what my bro and I have seen very distinct and obvious manic phases(irritable, not listening, not sleeping and multiple projects on the go) and also depressed states (i.e doesn't get out of bed at all on her birthday, or don't hear from her for months and so on)

However, we can't figure out when normal and stable is? Also, in between cycles, don't you usually try to fix the mess that has been made (repair relationships, pay off debts and so on) - we never see normal. She always seems to be in one or the other or sometimes both at the same time if that is possible. What does this mean.. is she rapid cycling? As far as I know there is no psychosis, that she has told anyone about, well, she did once mention having dreams about bugs that was so real that she changed all the sheets on the bed, but other than that. How about false beliefs - is that a form of delusion or psychosis. She gets the weirdest fixed ideas about things and even when presented with the facts will stick to her idea.

Anyway, any input is valuable. We are trying so hard to cope and understand.

With the BP,comes a narrow perspective. It is true that they believe some unfounded "truths". This ,I think, is because everything passes thru the "Me" filter, and some mental distortion, before it is stored in the brain as a fact. My husband has an older sister, who we always called the "crazy sister", and with my recent understanding, strongly believe to be BP. Thru the years, she borrowed thousands of dollars, which she never paid back, wronged ex-husbands, and family members--and has no understanding of "why" everyone avoids her. I remember her always on the go--- busy, busy, busy, partying, and all her ME STUFF was so important, she didn't care who she walked over, as long as she got her way. Her truth, now, is that everyone else is so cold-hearted. My truth is that she made it to 56, living like this, so who am I to try to make her want to change? Any attempts to open up and let her into our lives, I'm sure would start very graciously, then progress to her controlling, and rude and demanding. She still drinks heavily, and has pulled some really bizarre stunts. So, I guess, what I am saying, is I don't think there is much you can do to change your Sister's behaviors. Only she can decide if her life is unmanageable. You will probably have to skillfully, work around her boldness and the moods, and get comfortable with "expecting the unexpected" The compromising and polite social gestures will be in short supply, as you continue to help your Dad.

SP

Post edited by: suzeP, at: 05/11/2008 21:00

The classic type of BP usually see either onset and/or first hospitalization in their early to mid 20's (which was the case with my husband.) He made it to 44 before requiring hospitalization again.

From what you are saying, it is possible that my sister is not rapid cycling, its just that overall her thinking has become so disordered by her disease, that even when her mood is normal, she does not have a lot of insight into what she has done, or is doing to other people? Makes sense to me.