Not coping well

I'm not coping well either. My husband has not been offically diagonsed but everything I have read.... He agrees too.

You are not alone. I am not alone. I have three children, and my biggest fear the past few years is that his children would hear the things he says to me. How does we explain what daddy says to mommy?

I am afraid to offer advise, I'm still tryin to digest this myself. But I want to know and I want you to know that you are not alone. It's confusing but I am so glad to get with people who understand...

I am also grateful that there are people who understand. I have no one to talk to, no one knows. This is the first time I have opened up online (or anywhere), but I need to. I need to know that others feel the same way I do and that I feel the same way.

-Susan

It's good that you finally opened up, and you've started in a really good place. Lots of wonderful BPSO's and BP's here to offer you advise and support. You are far from alone, as I have discovered here.

What's going on with you're husband? Is he seeking treatment, seeing a psychiatrist, taking medication, or getting therapy? I am far from an expert, but I continually hear that these are the keys to treating BPD.

It is equally important for you to take care of yourself and your children too. Learn all you can about BPD. Get yourself into some therapy. I found both of these to be very helpful.

My wonderful wife, Karen, became manic after nearly 20 years of stability, and it was the most difficult time of my life, but she is stable now, and I am so thankful I stood by her and guided her. It can be difficult being a BPSO, and not every story ends well, but if your husband is willing to help himself, than there is hope.

Let us know how things are going.

Paul

We are at the very beginning stages. He would like to see our family doctor first. I agree. If she can't treat, she can refer. We trust her. He almost didn't come home tonight, for the first time. He's in sales and in the office an hour away. I insisted that he come home and he did. So tonight, he is home. He took part in a study about 10 years ago with meds, didn't really keep me informed then, but is willing to try again because it worked. He scares me more because he is now turning it inward. I really thank you for your support. I wish you the best, Paul. Thank you for responding. - Susan - I plan to be here a while.

I am so wanting to talk to people to

I know my story may sound confusing. I've been with the man for 20+ years and tried to figure out why on occasion, while drinking, he took it out on me. The things he said - I'm done, threatening to leave, mixed with put downs of me and my family are now all coming together. The worst was the truths that were twisted every which way. Those things were never said during the day and clustered a few times a year.

Sorry, I'v tried to 'practice post' on my Word document but just can't seem to get it down to a readable post. I figure, it will come out in time.

I'm still trying to sort it all out.

-Susan

I'm not an expert, but I've lived with her for nearly eight years and knew her before that and there is no mistaking her disease for anything else. It's that obvious, and she can't control it on her own without meds and therapy and LOTS of forgiveness and understanding. If that sounds like your man then you may be right. If he's just mean when drunk and not the next day it could be an alcohol problem. This is not an easy disease to treat, but it's a lot easier than BP because you can take the alcohol away. BD isn't going anywhere. It has to be medicated forever.

I think I definitly need to take the alcohol away but... We've haven't gone 10 years or so without incident. He's had spells of yelling at me and putting me and my family down. He's said the most outlandish and horrible things to me. I've jumped in here because giving a full history would bore people (said before, read on posts) and take pages and I need to open up now. I've seen him depressed without alcohol. I would love for alcohol to be just the problem. My take is that he is strong enough to contain it until the alcohol takes affect. He has held a job this whole time allowing me to stay home with the kids. I've seen the down side. He didn't want to come home tonight, I insisted, even if we sit on the couch and just sit. He did come home. (First time he called and didn't want to come home). I've had the one-sided conversations where he 'sees' me and our family with someone else. Alcohol certainly plays a role in in problems, it intensifies it, I am sure, but I feel there is more to it than that. I think he's using alcohol to try to self-medicate.

I am not doctor, but I have lived with the man for 20+ years and really feel that there is more to it than drinking. Drinking is a problem for him, I will admit, but my gut tells me there's more to it. His father has bipolar. What scared me the most is when I said that I would no longer put up with the verbal attacks, he turned in inward. The depression I saw in him was like no other. That's why we are where we are now, after, I shamefully admit 20 years later. Why didn't I see this sooner?? Why did I not help him sooner?

I've tried to put 20 years in a readable post, but I can't. I feel right now that I am trying to deal with my own feelings,secondary. My primary concern is to get his emotions under control. We're going to start with our primary doctor. If she can't prescribe, she can refer. If she can, I will give her one shot. I know his moods and if it doesn't help then we will seek a specialist, a psychiatrist. He's only met few he's liked, but we will interview until we find one that we like.

I truly apologize if I sound anything but grateful for the advice and support I received. I am still trying to compile my thoughts. I know that I have not explained myself and my situation, I'm trying to. I really appreciate the comments and advice given and really look forward to getting to know the folks on this forum. - Susan

It's a good first step, but ideally he needs to see a psychiatrist. BP is generally best treated with a mix of different meds--there is no magic bullet. Multiple meds are prescribed to treat the different symptoms of the disorder. And this is where the knowledge of the meds and their possible interactions is critical.

P.S. Some people prefer to use the "diary" section on this website instead of posting. Check it out and see if that's something you'd like to do. Lets you vent away and type as much and as long as you'd like. But don't forget to come back to the boards, where we interact with each other.