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08/06/2009 05:55 AM

my soul aches...

mem3508



Post edited by: crashdummy, at: 08/11/2009 07:25 AM
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08/06/2009 06:03 AM
grafxbydiane
grafxbydiane  
Posts: 7846
VIP Member

crashdummy, I am sorry you are hurting . As you said you are trying and doing the right things that is all one can do .

08/06/2009 06:17 AM
sc4070
 
Posts: 1217
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Crashdummy - as the spouse of someone with BP, I can't put a price tag on my spouse being able to articulate what you just did. Your words spoke to why I love my husband in spite of the chaos that comes into ourlives. Do know as tired as I may become, as much as I want my husband to be free of bipolar - I love him very very much as I am certain yours does too. I am sorry you are in so much internal pain, but know that you are loved and while you may not see it - as a spouse I know mine has much to offer me, when he his able. It is why so many of us with loved ones with bipolar seek ways: to help, to be with and to stay with our loved ones. Keep sharing your feelings and recognizing your wife's needs - you may not always be able to meet them, but for me if I could only know my spouse recognized - it would bring joy to my heart. For someone who feels that do not have much to offer, you just gave a lot to someone you do not know. Stay strong.

08/06/2009 07:06 AM
mem3508



Post edited by: crashdummy, at: 08/11/2009 07:26 AM

08/06/2009 07:25 AM
laurag
 
Posts: 152
Member

crashdummy, That you have recognized and are seeking help for your problem is the greatest show of love that your wife can recieve from you. If my husband was to do the same I would walk threw hell and back with him, there would be no limit, no end, no boundries, to what I would go through for him. But he takes no responsibilty nor does he have any desire to change and that is what kills the love and destroys the heart not the illness. I envy your wife you sound like you have more to offer than most people who don't have any disorder. Be strong and know that you've made the most important step by seeking help and you and your wife can lean on eachother when tired and weary and find strength in your love.

08/06/2009 07:30 AM
grafxbydiane
grafxbydiane  
Posts: 7846
VIP Member

crashdummy , you are right it is love and patience that does help . Also as you have said it take a strong individual person that is confident within themselves .I am glad that you have joined us over here on this forum . It is always nice to get some insight of those that are suffering from this .

08/06/2009 08:26 AM
sc4070
 
Posts: 1217
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

crashdummy - you ask ever unable to reason with yourself? The answer "every day". Your wife is not gaining independence from you - she is ensuring her own continued stability to help both of you. LaurAg took the words right out of my mouth - I would walk through hell and back to have my husband recoginize his illness. I have walked through hell and back several times with him already, as he does not recognize it and is in denial; the relief and peace which would come in his acceptance would change it from a walk through hell and back - to a journey we both could take and face together. Your spouse is blessed for your insight; and again thank you for sharing with us.

08/06/2009 09:56 AM
BeansnFranks
BeansnFranksPosts: 46
Member

Crash Dummy: My God man, you are a rock star. Seriously. I know my BP wife feels the same as you at times but has never been able to articulate it to the degree you have. I cannot speak for others here but for me, my love for my wife is unconditional. I accepted her as she was and still do. It took time and understanding for me to be OK and to forgive repeatedly but I have found the place where her words and actions do not hurt me...well, except for the running away part. I could do without that. So is it possible your wife has also found this level of understanding and acceptance?

The best example I can give is a non-BP example of my mother. When my father left and she was a single parent, I didn't get to see her too much but she went out of her way to make sure the time we did have was special. So when you are having good moments, make sure they are very good and communicate with her how you are feeling as openly as you can when you are down. Also, send her here! I wish I had found this group a long time ago.

Best of luck and we are all here for both of you!


08/06/2009 10:04 AM
stamperben
Posts: 195
Member

Crash - My wife has said I could never know what goes on in her head. That's very true, I can't. But your words may have given me some insight to her. I think I will print them out and show them to her.

Thank you.


08/06/2009 11:09 AM
sallyo
sallyoPosts: 3684
Senior Member

Crash: you have articulated what I know my BP husband feels, and tries to explain to me. He's commented on several occasions how hard it is not to be able to trust your own mind about what is real or not. I may not be able to fully understand, but I can offer compassion.

You DO have a lot to offer your wife. Just your willingness alone to accept the diagnosis and express your feelings is priceless. Her independence is necessary for her to work through the illness. It isn't abandonment. And while I agree loving a bp sufferer can be wearing, great strength and compassion can also come from the experience. My husband and I have been able to strengthen our bond by working through this illness together.

Good luck to you! I hope you'll keep posting.

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