Bipolar in the family Support Group

HI. I am a mom, good marriage, 2 children, 22,25, both boys. The 25 year old, is clinically depressed and suffers from a learning disability; receptive/expressive language disorder.

He lives with us. He is depressed. unmotivated, lies, kind, stressed out, very anxcious, extremely lathargic, sometimes dispondent, extremely stubborn, He is always apologizing. He always says he loves us. Has NO FRIENDS. He has stolen money from us for gambling. He is in alot of debt from the replusive online gambling venues that rape people, from their dignity and sanity and just plan make it so accessible, especially people who are so vunerable like my son. Who spends way too, too, too, much time alone.

There are so many people out there that are ruining their lives as a result of just clicking a button on their computer and BINGO, in debt for more they can bare.

ANYWAYS, i want to kick my son out. He has had alot of jobs over the past 7 years. Currently he delivers pizza. He received his Associative Degre last year. Currently enrolled at the local university to finish his degree. He is a beginning Junior. We have paid for everything. All his repeat courses, living arrangements, helped him in school,etc.. He sometimes is sort of grandios, like bi-polar, but he has been to so many phychiastrist,etc, counselors, etc, major testing, that they all say his learning disability has manifested itself in giving way to all of these behaviors. He is so , so, frustrated , but yet, i guess not frustrated enough to HELP HIMSELF. I know that communication is the number one commodity, so no doubt when you can't listen and comprehend, and speak as the rest of the world does in conversation, years of this is so dibilitating and i guess self loathing because you become so ashamed .

My husband and i have done just about everything and anything you can imagine to help, or provide opportunities to help him help himself, NOTHING. I can't begin to tell you how lost, sad, overwhelmed i am. Questions for anyone who is listening:

1. has anyone else out there dealt withthis type of situation?

2. do you think i need to send him to a mental institition/like a rehab facility?

3. do you know if their are any resources available, financial, that help people/families with this type of situation?

My husband, my other son, and i are overwhelmed with have this 6'2", 215 man, extremely atheletic, extremely strong, and extremely stubborn,living among us. HELP! It is so disconcerning to us to watch someone who won't or can't THRIVE!

trs1004, Welcome yo the group I am sorry you are having to go through this . When you are dealing with your son as an adult there is not much one can do . Although i would not continue to bail him out . It is up to you to set boundaries with him as to what you will accept . Maybe you could get him to see another pdoc for another evaluation . Some of the symptoms that you are mentioning sound more then just plain depression . Although i am not a doc . Are you and your family in counseling to help deal with this?

Gosh, thank you so much for your response. Just to hear from someone is comforting.

Anyway, he has been seeing a pyscologist for, 1 to 2 times a week, for 6 months. She is a lovely lady. She can't really relay much about our son due to the HIPPA regulations. But having said that , she encourages our dialogue with her, via email, to keep her abreast of whats going on. She essentially says, she is aware of all this and encourages Nick to be more responsible, go to gambling annoyomous, get involved with sport activities, etc.

HE also is under the care of a christian based phycologist, also a very smart person, and believes that our son's problem, chronic depression , is a result of his learnig disability. This has been since birth, however, as he grew older, the communication nuiances became too sophisticated for him to navigate. So to accommodate his LD, he at first was misdiagnosed, ADHD, but reality, this type of LD, manifests all the types of mental disorders because of the frustration that grows steadily over time. HOWEVER, people have problems. But he seems to LACK the ability to help himself.

My husband and I are hostage. AGain, he has no friends, is sleeping as i type, and currently in debt. Isn't this horrible. I had no idea there are so many banking institutions that are willing to give people money. It's crazy.

We will not bail him out. So NOW, for the past year, he is just crazed with depression over his debt, yet doesnt seem really, really, willing to get a 9-5 job or something, to demonstrate his eagerness to work his way out. He wants instant relief, yet he is so stubborn. It is so weird. He seems to not be able to understand that in time , like putting eggs in a basket, he will recover. Doing NOTHING, gets NOTHING!

He just lives off of the little he makes from delivering pizza. His college fund, we saved for years, is about almost gone, with the 6 years he took to get his Associate Degree. He has enough for one more semester. We will not pay for anything anymore. We allow him to live here, but thats it. AGAIN, it is like having a hugh man in the house, who does nothing, but sleep, and walk around depressed. I want to commit him, but i can't. he has to do it himself. GOSH, thanks so much for listening.

trs1004 , I am sorry you are dealing with this . I would do as you stated in your post no more money for anything . I know it is hard but you can not always give someone money all the time to help them constantly He may have a learning disability but that does not stop him from going to school and getting a degree . So he knows i think what he is doing .

Gosh, thanks again for listening to me and taking your time to respond.

You are so right. He is able to navigate to get loans, get to websites to gamble, go thru alot of years of schooling to get a AA, so yes you are so right, he is able to have some tenacity to manuver in life.

He is such an enigma to me. I do believe he has some

personality disorder, or he is just blantely LAZY and feeds on self pity.

I am off for work to day and so I so appreciate finding this site and venting to someone who will listen. My husband and I are burnt out! We are blessed to have each other, but no doubt our married life is juststressed out by this grown man living here and not being able to show uus signs of maturing and tacking his handicap .

Ya know, he maybe turning into a compuslsive liar, which they say is too aby product of any addictive behavior.

you are kind to let me vent. Thank you for listening and for sharing your thoughts. It is helpful!