New Member

I have just signed up to your group as I was surfing looking for support to cope with my Bipolar Husband. Found out about Bipolar three years ago when he moved in with me and my then six year old boy. Its been a tumultous road, as I never knew about this condition before.

The worse is that its coupled with a bad drinking problem, which only worsens the situation. My coping stratgeies are weakening and I am on the verge of giving up and asking him to leave.

The problem is that he has noone to turn too and I am afraid that his condition may worsen, but its very difficult for me.

Any encouraging words?

Nandy

I take it that he is diagnosed. Is he taking meds,seeing the psychiatrist, seeing a therapist? The self medicating with alchol is not good.

What kind of coping methods have you been using?

Have you sought counciling for yourself? This helps us as the loved ones of a person with bipolar. It gives us a safe, stable place to get it all out (venting here is also condoned).

How is your son doing with this?

Without he takes control of his healthcare there is not much you can do to help. Take care of yourself and your son, first an foremost. Keep yourself strong and be there for him when he does reach the point where he is looking for help.

You are not alone! We are here with you.

Feel free to ask questions, leave answers, vent and make some new friends.

GOD BLESS

RED

Thanks for that. Yes he is diagnosed but still in denial, especially with the alcohol. Seems to think that with the meds everything will be ok and that he can control the drinking, but we know thats not true.

Good advice though. At this point I need to keep myslef healthy and my son well.

Surprisingly, he is very good with him. As he spends most of the time with his grandmum,due to my work schedule, the exposure is less.

Thanks again

Nandy

If your husband is looking for help, you can go with him to pdoc appointments and help him find the right meds, as well as maybe AA or another alcohol treatment program. If he is not looking for help, you cannot allow yourself to feel guilt for anything. It is not up to you to make sure that he has someone to turn to, but to make sure that you and your son are taken care of. One thing that we, as spouses of bps, struggle with the most is the fact that we cannot force them to seek help or get better. Encourage and love, yes, but they have to decide on their own to get help. The doctors here wouldn't even see my husband until he himself asked for help.

I can't advise you to leave him or not as I have very little information about the situation. Worry about your son first, yourself second, and your husband after that. If he doesn't fit into the picture of taking care of the first two...that decision is up to you.

You mail was encouraging. Part of my frustrations was that I was trying to do too much for him. But as you said, the decision to get help and want help is for him to make. My son and I ought to be priority. This however is the difficult part for me, as its very hard to practice the tought love.

He has decided to restart his sessions with the therapist, so I will see how that goes.

Thanks

Nandy

I perfectly understand that, and I know that it should get easier for me to do as the days go by, because I just cannot stand to be around him drunk!! I certainly do not like my son seeing him like that, and he is a very sensitive child.

Just from the few conversations I have had, I am getting a very strong sense of knowing what to do, and this is to shift the focus to me. I need to be there for my son and I intend too.

He needs to make his own decision as an adult as you righlty said.

The good times have been there and we could have them again, but its like he do not care anymore.

Hopefully starting back his sessions will help abit.

What a waste of a good life!!!!

Nandy

I understand how hard tough love is. I want to be able to fix everything for him and make it okay. Sometimes I even think offering a hug or something will help him to know what the right the to do is. But he needs to know where the line is. It sounds like you have made that line. Good work! You and your son DO come first. This doesn't mean you have to push him away, just make sure you are only encouraging good behavior (like going to the sessions).

Keep us updated.

Love, SS

You guys are really helping as all the comments are consistent with the message and that is, I must understand that HE has to take resposnibility and action for his life.

This morning he gets up and does not know if he wants to go to the session, he does not think that the family life is for him. He has planned a weekend out with some young folks to go to a concert, which means drinking all weekend long. Because I say that I don't want him around when he drinks,his solution is to stay out.

Usually I will flip when I hear things like this, but I was amazed at how calm I am.

In my mind, I know that I do not want to go down with him. I love life, I love my life, my son is the most adorable, wonderful child and I want the best for us.

I still intend to be encouraging, but I know now where to draw the line...and know what? It feels good.

Thanks Guys