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05/16/2009 09:56 AM

What to do

SweetCilla55
Posts: 5
New Member

Hi my name is Priscilla and I have a boyfriend with bipolar. I have found myself telling small lies to avoid arguments when he has anxiety but he always catches me and it causes bigger problems, now of course you say so stop lying but as you know its not that easy if I lie I cause a fight if I don't I cause a fight
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05/16/2009 04:06 PM
ringo
ringo  
Posts: 178
Member

Always go with the truth.

05/17/2009 03:08 AM
ra1475
ra1475  
Posts: 48
Member

go with the truth in as non hostile way as possible

05/18/2009 06:22 AM
debm
Posts: 158
Member

keep your side of the street clean. there is no winning with a bipolar spouse so do what is right for you.

d


05/18/2009 02:38 PM
Katie12109
Katie12109Posts: 11
Member

I also have a bipolar boyfriend and know exactly what u mean! I have learned to tell the truth but I am guilty of white lies juat to keep the peace about little things I know he would compltly over react about!

05/18/2009 06:16 PM
royceryder
Posts: 8
Member

you know what, i told every drop of the truth for a long time and it was nothing but constant pointless fighting. so now i lie when i think it better. she hasn't noticed yet, dont get me wrong i dont do things that should hurt her, she is just always expecting the worse. were not fighting for what i did but what she suspects that i did, or will do. i believe that just like they need meds and therapy we need to do what we learn makes life better. being the "normal" one in the relationship, we have to make decisions based on our past experiences. we're not taking meds to change the way we feel we deal with reality at ALL times. and we can never say"i'm sick i dont have control." he's bi polar the two of you are not on a level playing field, i say you do what you learn is best for everyone in the situation. and if lying prevents a few fights a year i say its well worth it. and also i have learned that i catch her in more lies than i tell. thats only the ones i catch, theres prolly a good chance that your situation is the same

05/18/2009 09:14 PM
ringo
ringo  
Posts: 178
Member

I agree, we all do what we have to, to survive living and loving someone with bipolar and truthfulness is a choice we all make; however, to rationalize lying, because we as the “normals” have some ultimate right to judge what should or shouldn't be lied about, is unethical, not to mention hypocritical. Because our bipolar partners need medicines and therapies we need lie to them to make our lives better? And, maybe even worse, “she hasn't noticed yet”, perhaps your wife is oblivious to what is “real”, but that isn't always the case with everyone's partner. To rational lying and judging it appropriate, because you catch her in more lies than you tell, is just that - you rationalizing. Two wrongs just don't make a right.

I find your statement, “ . . . I don't do things that should hurt her” as over the top arrogant. Don't you think it might hurt her to discover that you lie to her whenever you deem it necessary?

Maybe I find your post so repugnant, because I don't go for the “I'm sick, I don't have control” as an excuse for bad behavior - lying included. If you're participating in the constant pointless fighting, step back, do it because it is exactly that - pointless. We all need to deal with our unique yet common situations, as best well as we can. I sincerely believe, because it's been my experience, that lies have a way of catching up with you and cause more problems than they solve. You do what you feel you must, but promoting lies, because you've rationalized it as being necessary isn't comforting, but disturbing.


05/19/2009 05:25 AM
debm
Posts: 158
Member

see ya'll, ringo rocks
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