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05/06/2009 06:01 AM

Hi

weebel
weebelPosts: 5
New Member

I was looking for a support group, my husband has bp. Everyday I wanna die. I worked three jobs up until last week when I had pneumonia again and it hit me.....no matter how much I work he finds a way to piss through every cent. So now instead of 99 hours I am on a 66 hour week, way better. Now I feel insecure. I feel helpless I was tired and his lack of remorse is driving me mad. Fourteen years of making to much to not qualify for help but making too little to recover from his episodes. He is destructive when he's low cuz he drinks our money away and sits alone. He's destructive when he's on his highs cuz g pisses through every cent hidden or not on his obsessions. Last week I had no food no money with three girls in the house. No money for the workboots my oldest needs or she'll get kicked out of shop class. I dont yell anymore....but I'm screaming inside. I cant stop crying and the only reason I havent downed the bottle of trazidone is cuz the girls need support. My faith in God is not totally shaken , just my patience. How do u all do it. I have no peace anymore....

Post edited by: weebel, at: 05/06/2009 06:05 AM

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05/06/2009 06:18 AM
bejeweled
bejeweled  
Posts: 1374
Senior Member

Hi weebel. Welcome to the group. You are not alone. When someone refuses to do what they have to like take medication, see a pdoc and therapist. There is nothing they can do. My g/f of seven years is either sleeping in her van or sleeping with someone else this week - the sad thing is I don't know. What I do know is that she is grown and I don't have control over her. Our relationship is over now because she will not accept the diagnosis of the psychaitrists and therapists that she's seen and refuses to take medication. This last week has been a mess for me emotionally, but what I realized is that I feel better with her not around. I am not walking on eggshells or worried what she will say one minute to the next. I don't miss hearing how I never loved her enough or how she wishes I was dead.

When she decided to leave, I panicked about money. So far she has given me her check like normal. So I feel a little better about that. It has been tough, trying to seperate for me because even though it was sick and dysfunctional - it was predictable and even comfortable.

I have realized in the last couple of days that I can do bad on my own. Things have sucked for seven years between us, the last two being the worst I have ever had in my life. And only I was trying to make things work. She was busy trying to do the opposite and find ways around getting help. If I'm honest, I haven't been in a realtionship for at least two years - even though she was here - I had another kid to take care of.

You really don't have to live that way anymore. It is actually easier, and probably better for him in the long wrong, if you just kick him out. Take care of you and your kids. You are willing to do whatever it takes if you are willing to work all those hours. Why are you willing to do it for someone who doesn't appreciate it? lol. I asked myself that same question. Good luck.


05/06/2009 10:36 AM
CharlieD
CharlieD  
Posts: 30
Member

Weebel those kids need you, you need them. Forget the pills think of you and those children. Come here and vent and ask for support... take time to think things through but know you are not helpless, we can gain alot of knowledge here and more importantly support and love from individuals just like us. Be well

05/07/2009 06:10 AM
weebel
weebelPosts: 5
New Member

It's awful how this disease takes away the persons we fell in love with. I am sorry for what you are going through, and even more sorry that I feel releaved that I'm not alone in this. You make lots of sense we cant control them, they are adults. too bad huh:Unsure Anyways I hope I can learn to be as confident in myself as you.Thankyou for sharing!! Im certain you deserve a faithful loving and kind woman. One day she will see that. I hope you already do.

05/07/2009 06:28 AM
InVinoVeritas
 
Posts: 42
Member

Weebel,

Who said that we were confident? Laughing

We do what we can to cope be that seeing therapists, practicing our religion more fervently, venting here, whatever.

Point is, you need to do what is right for you and your family, and yes, sometimes that will include the "tough love". Know what you need and when you need it.

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