help me stay strong

my heart goes out to you. my wwife is BP but i am starting to get the feeling that men are more difficult.

you are right to feel the way you feel. i have felt the despair you have felt. you are right, he needs to commit to getting better and until that happens, life will be hard for you and also for his children.

i have learned the hard way. we cannot argue with these people but i know how it is raising a child. there is often conflict.

someone else....a woman perhaps, offer more ideas??

In the first place, you gotta stop beatin yourself up. If anybody thinks your life is easy, they're plum full of shit. Your shoes will never be filled by them. Don't ever argue with him because you will NEVER win!!! Everytime you say even one word back to him while he is having an episode you are saying, "here I am come and get me"!!!He hurts you because he does not want his hurt to be alone!!!!! ... The one thing I DO want you to know, is that at ALL TMES HE KNOWS RIGHT FROM WRONG and this makes him responsible and accountable. All the meds do is help him keep in check his control of himself and help him to CARE that he is hurting you. During an episode his inhibitions go to hell. He just hurts and is lonely and is scared and doesn't understand why.... DO NOT ENABLE him to ABUSE YOU!!!!!! THIS IS A MEAN & SELFISH DISORDER. You didn't cause it, you can't fix it and you can't lose yourself in his disorder. Do not accept the unacceptable, do not overlook the unoverlookable and love yourself. You gotta remember these rules. And keep in mind He always...always knows right from wrong!!

Newmom I would be very surprised to find out he is on only one med if he is Bipolar. It is most always a combination, cocktail if you will, that consists of: antidepressent, antianxiety, and a mood stablizer. It will literally take months to find the right combo for him. When he takes the baby, does he go someplace where there is other adult supervision, to look after the well being of the child? This to me, would be my greatest concern. Please do not allow him to use emotional blackmail on you with that baby. Of course you have not ruined the baby's the step child's or your own life. He will use every dirty trick in the book to bully you to see things his way.

Oh I forgot to tell you....I am 58 and have been bipolar most of those years...I have lived on the dark side of everything I have told you.....

Love

Gloria

may i also just offer this... in regards to meds...my wife had much worse manic-symptoms when she took anti-depressants. for us, life was a whole lot worse when she was taking them. what finally ended up working for her was just plain lithium. meds can be tricky because there are so many and, so many combos that work differently for different people. well, good luck and kind thoughts your way...

Love

Gloria

Plug, how's it going buddy. Sounds like it is starting to look up over your way......keep on keepin on.

Love

Gloria

I should start by saying I have a BP sister, a BP brother-in-law (both diagnosed), and a suspected BP step-sister. Each of these three are masters of manipulation and as Ms. Gloria said, "You will NEVER win.." when it comes to arguing with them.

So, my favorite response is, "I love you and I want to help you. I will not put myself or my family at risk/in jeopardy to do that though." I say it over and over instead of responding to each little barb that they toss at me..lol. It helps me stand my ground and it helps them to calm down or wear themselves plum out for they are now running their head into the proverbial brick wall..lol.

I had tried for decades to sort thru the lies and the b.s. only to find there were SO many..I couldn't. So, understand they love to play the mental/emotional game of Chess and they will not play 'fairly' so the easiest/best way I have found to deal with this game, is to just sit there and say, "I love you....will not put myself/family in jeopardy".

I should also mention that viewing it as a 'game' helped me cope much better. For I essentially remove all emotions and only use the facts during a time when they are tossing out insults trying to find the button to push to get me into the argument. I learned the hard way if I failed, and I was sucked into the argument, every word (with the exception of 'the'..lol) would be twisted into something hateful. So, this tactic might help you too.

Be careful about allowing Guilt to take the wheel, Ms. Newmom. Guilt only comes into play when we feel we are "not good enough" and it does more damage than just about any other emotion. You ARE worthy.

You can not save your family on your own. Verbal abuse, is still abuse, and I can only imagine how it's affecting the children (sigh). You are the parent here and you must make the choices that keep the kids safe and healthy.

Wishing you the best, Ms. Newmom.

Bless you,

Ms. Jessie