Bipolar in the family Support Group

Hi. My son was diagnosed bipolar at age 15 and he is now almost 21 years old and has been on his own since he left high school. He refused to be medicated and has ruined all his relationships due to his inability to control his anger. He has moved from city to city and friends to friends. I have suffered physical and emotional abuse from him. He only calls when he needs something...a place to shower, do his laundry. eat or money. He is homeless and I don't know how to help him anymore. Now what?

Preacher, welcome to the group. Unfortunately, you cannot force him to get help. He has to want that for himself (or do something bad that causes the court to mandate treatment for him). Unless he is a danger to himself or others, you cannot force him to get help against his will.

Have you been to a local NAMI or DBSA support group? I think you might find a lot of parents who have walked in your shoes there.

I also recommend you join "Parents of Bipolar Children" here at MDJ. (There are parents of adult children there.)

I am sorry that he refuses treatment. It is terrible.

Hi preacher. I understand how you feel. I have a bipolar daughter who is 22. She was diagnosed At 10 She has been a complete handful since . She has had numerous doctors and been in numerous hospitals and I worry now because she Is married and has a baby and is lying about being on her meds. I have preached to her and her husband the importance of her taking her meds. But she lies and says she is taking them and I know she is not. Now I worry about the baby. You can not talk to my daughter about any thing or she flys off the handle. I am so tired of dealing with her but I have to stay vigilant for the sake of the baby. She is the same way will me. Very abusive and only nice and decent when she wants or needs something.. She also steals from us. We have to watch her closely when she comes around. she is very selfish and everything is all about her.

My problem is my bipolar husband. But when I read about your problems, with the sons and daughters, so young, I find it much more difficult. I think your heart aches seeing them in such conditions and doing nothing much for them as they do not let you helping them. I feel so so sorry for everybody from this forum....2 years ago I didn't even know that such a sickness exists. To lose the love of your child, of our husbands as still love them very much. But we must not lose hope. We can be there for them when they need, with a good word, trying to listen to them, as long as we can.

Anca, you could tell your husband that he has to get treated or you will separate from him. This might sound drastic to you, but many of us have found that this is the exact thing to get our spouses to realize they have to get the treatment then need. Sending positive thoughts everyone's way.

He did it by himself. He told me he does not love me like he did before, nor our dog and he moved alone in February. Last week I found out that he started a relationship with someone; I told his mother this and she called him and asked him if it is true; so he called me in not a very good mood, we argued on telephone for almost 2 hours and at the end I could feel he was not ok, he was hardly whispering, his voice was weak and he told me he can not concentrate anymore.

As his sickness started last year, now he also invented a lie:"i will explain you what happened last year and this will explain to you all the behaviors that you consider to be from sickness." He told me that he was very in love last year and the woman he felt for didn't want him. So, he said "that's why I thought about suicide, that's why I started to drink, that's why I lost so many pounds,etc etc etc." It was nothing true. It was a confabulation meant to shut me up, I am 100 %.

BUT NOW, it is true, he is involved with someone. He told me he is not in love with her, but he thinks he need a relation.I had e few terrible days since I found out, but yesterday I watched Dr. Amador Xavier's videos (the author of "I am not sick, I don't need help") and I feel better, I will try to follow his advices. I will not tell him anymore about the sickness because that's what I did for a looong year and he moved away, so I was not helpful.

Anca, maybe you need to let him go. I might be misunderstanding your last post, but I think you are saying your BF has moved on and has a new GF???

He is trying to make all his problems YOUR fault. That is wrong. Please resist that idea.

Thank you for your response and encouragement guys! Yes, it is terrible...I saw him for the first time in a couple of months today and it was heartbreaking. He looked rough, thin, dirty and hungry. I took him to a sandwich shop and got him something to eat, hugged him and walked away. It just seems so cruel to do that but to invite him back to my house would start the same pattern of verbal abuse that he always reverts to. If he is agitated enough he may get physically violent and I cannot go through that again. I am experiencing a lot of guilt and my mind knows that I have no reason to feel guilty...it's hard.

I know that he has had violent outbursts with several groups of people in the recent past. Is this what ou are referring to as a danger to others and is it enough to get him some "forced" help?

Thanks in advance for your help!