Bipolar in the family Support Group

Hello everybody. My name is Anca and my husband is undiagnosed bipolar.I live on a roller coaster since Ianuary/February last year, when, after 14 years of being absolutely the best person in the world, he dramatically changed.One year of hell and nobody believing me, especially his family, so, no support, on the contrary.This year I went to a psychiatrist and he confirmed me what I was afraid of:bipolar disorder, no doubts.

In February this year, he told me that he wants to separate, as he does not love me like he did before; he does not believe that he has a medical problem although he is painfully aware of the dramatic changes in our life. So, he moved away, yet he helps me with money and we talk sometimes, not very often.Last year he started with an depression episode, he told me ideas about suicide, but the episode changed in manic ep.and he started to drive like being formula 1 driver, he always hated alcohol but then he started to drink, he was extremely irascible with me and with our dog, he sleeps only 3 hours per night, he writes strange things on his blog, and many other symptoms that I have discussed with the psychiatrist.He refuses to go to a dr he repeats that he is ok and he says that only I believe he is sick; he lost a lot of kilos, he looks sad, he confirms to his mother that he is not happy at all. As he lives separately I can no longer see him if he is in manic episode, or hypomanic. I love him very much, I do not want to loose him, I want to help him, but how many years I have to wait for him until he reaches a doctor, because I feel bad and low, sad, lonely, and still in shock. He is 37 and he was/is the most caring person I ever met, he was the most loving, tender person. I wonder and I can't believe it...he does not love me anymore?!

I an not a native English speaker so pls forgive my grammar mistakes. I read your forum in the last months and after one year in which I thought that I am bad and so on,(he acussed me of all kind of things) your forum was like water in dessert. In my country, there is a forum for BP, but people are extremely shy, ashamed maybe to write the hard truths about this sickness. Thank you VERY much to ALL OF YOU!

hi Anca,

Are you from Romania?

Bipolar is a real illness. Usually bipolar people tend to hurt everyone around themselves without being aware of it. They loose a touch with reality and always deny that there is something wrong with them, especially in the mania phase of the disorder.

They can be good liars and manipulators, trying to make your believe that the problem is within yourself and you're the one that is mentally ill. Do you feel like walking on eggshells while being with him? Do you feel like going mad? Do you ever feel intimidated by your ex husband? Then it might be bipolar.

Contact me if you want to talk.

Alex

Anca, he needs to get to a psychiatrist and get a diagnosis and start treatment. Without treatment, his episodes might get worse with time. If he would do that, you will see the man you used to know.

The problem is that you cannot make him get a diagnosis and treatment. If he refuses to get help, there is unfortunately little you can do.

@marriedtoit But how to convince him, what are the proper words I should say to him? he admits that he feels miserable, unhappy but he is keep saying that this is not an ilness, it is just a kind of evolution, a spiritual experience that he had. In February he moved away, in a rent apartment, we speak every week but I can't ask/question things about him because he gets irascible; so, I chat about our dog, about the elections in our city, the weather, etc, because I could see that private questions become a trigger for his irascibility. I am afraid that in this way, not living together, talking no personal things...we will loose the relation. And I don't want. My husband didn't lie to me during this problems and didn't manipulate me, he was very honest and scared to death because the things happened to him. I spoke to one psychologist and 2 psychiatrists and the diagnosis was all clear: bipolar disorder. So there is no question about this.But he just can't accept it; his mother told him last week about this sickness, and he stopped her "pls, if you continue, I will leave. I am healthy, nothing is wrong with me; no, I don't want to read on internet anything about this medical problem as I have nothing to do with it". To tell the truth, in order not to make him go farther from me, I even don't tell him about this medical condition anymore, I pretend that he is not sick. It is wrong maybe...but I can't keep a relation with him other way, at least he talks to me so I think that maybe when he will have a big episode, I can find out and help him. I reach to the moment when I HOPE him to have an important episode so maybe he will accept medical help...Every morning I have moments when I think: is it a nightmare or what? we were trying to adopt a child when everything started, now everything is gone. All I have to do is just to wait for an episode?!

I don't have the magic words. You might try to work with what he tells you. When he says he feels miserable, you might say "Let's go see a doctor to see if you can stop feeling so miserable."

He needs to be treated.We have been battleing 6 years with our daughter TREATED and still same roller coaster but I have seen her non med compliant its worse.I always remind myself without meds is way worse then with and not just meds she sees her Dr every few weeks and a therapist every other week as thats all we can ever get in it seems with their schedules.It does all help.Also once they accept somethings wrong and once they educate themselves on the illness its easier IMO

Also like you said if he has bad episode you can get medical admit/hold for evaluation on him court ordered then he will get help IF he accepts it

Thanks you for ideas, but in my country there is no such things. I live in Europe, an ex-communist country. I can call the ambulance ONLY and ONLY if during an episode he is doing things that put in danger his life or others, and not in any other case. But this is hard to prove. Anyway, I feel much better with your answers because I thought that there are things I can do and I am not doing these things, but as long as you say that the only thing to do is for him to go to doctor, than, I am a bit more calm. So, there are not tricks, no tips, only one way: the doctor's help. Sounds strange but I will wait for his condition to reach a point when he can listen to me and accept help. Thanks to all, for your answers. I hope that when he will be medicated, to be more compliant, I am a bit worried xceldanes with the things you said, but I am not there yet, so I can't focus now on that.I try to make little steps. thanks.

Some people first meds they put on work and some dont the thing with bipolar no med works the same for each person.Its not like diabetes and their insulin fixes its so complex with this what works for one may not phase the next.Its finding right meds that they can function on.Some have no side effects and others do.Some stuff my daughters on makes her groggy where others its like they are on nothing.Some people one pill a day of something works and others is combonations.

He needs to take the first step for himself and for you.Its hard when their manic to get them to see it.My daughter many times its when shes had violent rage and totaly looses it then shes hospitalized and stabelized etc....we try to stop it ahead of time but not always.With treatment they learn triggers and coping skills and how to deal with things that effect them.

Like mentioned above NAMI has a family support YOU can talk to hem they can help YOU and maybe have some ides.

IMO the stigma attached to a mental illness they dont want treatment and I think men seem to be in denial longer in some cases.