Don't know how much more I can take

It is exhausting. I explained once in either a post or my diary about how each time I have to go through an episode, another little piece of the puzzle falls into place. When all the pieces of the puzzle are complete, Im done and im gone. Its not fun to think about but sometimes its the reality. If your puzzle is complete, you do what you have to do and dont look back. Think about you and repairing the damage this illness has done to you and your kids. If you want to tough it out, give him conditions...ex: you take your meds regularly, or you get out. Its not unrealistic to ask this...just dont ask it at the wrong time (we both know what I mean) Ultimatums are necessary sometimes. I gave mine...

1. You take your meds regular and keep your appts.

2. You dont cheat.

3. You dont abuse anyone in our home.

simple requests or im outta here, period. The rest we can work with. I understand your anger, been there many times. Focus on YOU, get yourself out from under the blanket they throw on us that destroys our self esteem and self worth...know you dont have to live like this if its too much for you. We are always here! keep talking, it helps.

to answer your question, me and my wife have been together for 6 years, married for 4. and i didn't really start seeing the effects of what bipolar is tell we lived together after we where married and i got my first duty station. and for a long time i just kind of tried to not worry about what was going on in her head. but we have had several problems, so i am diving in head first now! we have two kids, but that is not what is making me stay with her. i am from a divorced family. and i know that no matter what my kids will always love me, and i will always love them. and i will always be a major part in their lives. whether they live with me or not. i am staying with my wife because i know the woman she has been, is not the woman she really is. and i can see that she wants to change from the way she has been acting. she is taking all of the right steps to make our marriage the best it can be. and i will continue to love her stand by her side. unless she chooses to drop the ball. and she has been well informed that if she does, the only time she will see me is to pick up our kids. i will stand by what i said, and she knows that.

love can only carry you so far. if he does not want to do his part, than you should not do yours. i made a big mistake in the beginning of our marriage. but ever since then i have done my best to be the best husband and father i can be. and i will continue to do this until they puit me in the ground. now it is her turn to do that for me. and it is also time for your husband to realize what he is doing to his family, and start moving forward with helping himself, so he can help you. it sounds to me like you are very strong loving woman and deserve that respect.

adam

Keeping the Peace!!!

My husband was a very sensitive and caring man. He is that way at work, but the minute he walks in the door....I am to blame for thing that has happened in his life!!!

Sometimes it gets to me and I blow. I have to question, is this the way I want to live the rest of my life. I am not the evil shrew!! I deserved to be loved and cherised.

I feel like a punching bag!

As far as picking and chosing times to have episodes, I wonder too. I can't get concrete answers either, but maybe this is because the brain is such a phenomenal thing that no one can truly understand it. I have come to the conclusion that he must have some control sometimes. There are definitely levels of abusive behavior that he does not show to others, even his family. He does have some kind of restrain since he has a job.

When I had my first child, I learnt that toddlers have the worse temper tantrums with their parents, mostly their mothers. Why? Since they know that they can be comfortable with us and we can handle it. I'm not explaining myself well, but it's kind of a backwards compliment, that we won't get up and leave and we will be able to handle the emotions that their little body cannot. It's hard for me to appreciate how hard this must be for my hubby, I blame him, but truth is, he did not chose this disease. I would not hold it against someone who has cancer, alzheimers or parkinsons. It is very hard to remember that this is just another disease since the person seems lucid and the thoughts are coherent and seem to be correct.

Just because he says negative things that reinforce your inner fears, does not mean that he's right. He is wrong. It's not you. It's okay to be angry with him for hurting you. My hubby does not know all he does and says and does not fully comprehend how his actions affect his family.