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01/19/2008 05:35 PM

New but old...need friends who know

AJC
AJCPosts: 3
New Member

I am new here but very happy to find a group that understands ...I have been married for over 30 years to a bipolar man. He was diagnosed officially 7 years ago after being arrested,and is on SS Disablity because of it. It seems as he is home all day now, his bipolar is worse. He does go to the psy.doctor, but I have discovered he has been playing with his meds...taking one when he is prescribed two etc. He is very argumentative, and I am soo tired of talking and explaining and being picked on.I am tired of carrying the load, work etc.

He bathes once a week, but expects intimacy, I refuse,and he is angry,says I am not a wife.He is currently gone for a 2 day trip, he just leaves and never tells me where he went( just goes for a drive),I just worry sick until his return.He looks "homeless" so no woman would want him so that is not my worry...

I am just soo tired of it all, the mood swings, hoarding, impulsive spending, dirtiness,excessive collecting, etc etc. He has all the bipolar symptoms and they occur as new meds are experimented with.It seems none really totally help

I am just soo tired, I can not leave, after 30 years,this is my life, but I am soo unhappy.

I lost the person I am long ago, always making excuses, covering up his "mental ill" ways to my friends and coworkers as people never really understand, I am not living how I want or expected.No friends ever come to our home etc. I am an outcast living a lie. But leave him? I could not let him go, he would be jailed or worse and alone...thanks for listening.There are no easy answers...

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01/19/2008 06:38 PM
david27
 
Posts: 6
New Member

Iam married for 7 years and my wife has been diagnosed as bipolar. She was on meds for a while but that only made her a zombie. We decided to go off the meds and for a while she was fine. Now for the past two months I see her symptoms returning and she is again especially aggressive towards me. Is that normal? I am so frightened and I know that this is getting worse. I almost left today. When I seem down she is up and the reverse. I am so beaten down I dont know what to do.

01/20/2008 02:32 AM
red1965
red1965  
Posts: 5627
VIP Member

Welcome to the site ALC and david. There is a wonderful group of people here going throught he same things you are. It has helped me greatly being able to talk to people that understand what is happening. Come in ask questions, leave answers and make friends.

One of the first things I tell anyone supporting a bipolar is to take care of themselves. We as the ones loving a bipolar need help too. Wether it be seeing a doctor or councelor ourselves. We cannot help them unless we are healthy ourselves.

I am RED, my wife is bipolar, we have been married for 25 years. She was diagnosed 8 years ago.

God Bless

RED


01/20/2008 09:43 AM
david27
 
Posts: 6
New Member

Did you find that she was most aggressive with you alone? Her mood seems more stable around others and my 2 kids. She can go crazy on me for the littlest thing than take a phone call like nothing happened. When she hangs up she tries to act like nothing happened, and asks what is wrong with me. How can mental illness only exist primarily around one person. She has had infractions with others but mostly it is with me. It is so bizarre I am starting to believe if I eliminate myself she might be fine. I dont mean suicide I mean leaving her, but that means leaving my kids and that thought kills me. Anyway you sound like you have more experience than I. I never believed in this diagnosis she got. There is no bloodtest just inferences that stem from reports on behavior. I dont trust the meds for her long term health, and they just turned her into a zombie. I'm lost scared and confused.

01/20/2008 10:29 AM
jackson5mom
jackson5mom  
Posts: 118
Member

A coworker, who worked with teens with emotional disturbances, gave me some advice on my mom's meds. She is clinically depressed, but often does not take her meds. My coworker (actually my boss) suggested I hide them in her food. I have been unable to bring myself to do this - it feels like a betrayal somehow. Yet there she is, in bed day after day. Thoughts?

01/20/2008 05:35 PM
Mooskie1**
 
Posts: 3
New Member

david27, I was married for 25 years to a wonderful woman who was bi polar. She suffered for 20 years from depression and diagnosed 5 years ago with bi polar. When I read your post it was exactly like I had written it. Outside of home she was bubbly and outgoing. At home she was hard to live with. She hated to take the mood stabilizer meds because they made her like a vegetable and eventually quit taking them. This was so frustrating for our family because we could not help her. Everyone loved her but she didn't love herself. She took her own life on January 2nd.

Post edited by: Mooskie1**, at: 01/20/2008 19:37


01/20/2008 08:38 PM
red1965
red1965  
Posts: 5627
VIP Member

Mooskie, I am sorry for your loss. We are here if you want to talk, anytime.

David, they tend to hurt the ones they love the most, dont know why, just seems to be the way it works. There is alot of speculation, just dont know. On the subject of others not seeing the true person they are. There is something called masking. It is just like it sounds, the put on a mask for other people. They hide what is going on in them. My wife used to be extremely good at this.

RED


01/21/2008 10:49 AM
Mooskie1**
 
Posts: 3
New Member

Hi Red, I read your profile and noticed we have alot in common.I hope your wife stays on her meds and remains stabilized. My wife would have what she called meltdowns where she totally broke down. She would cry hysterically and be angry because she couldn't make it stop. Apparently she had one when she was alone and didn't call anyone to help her. She had tons of friends she could have called.

I was wondering if anyone else is familiar with these meltdowns and what they are called.


01/21/2008 02:03 PM
red1965
red1965  
Posts: 5627
VIP Member

Mooskie, I don't know what they are called, "meltdown" works for me. I have found that in my wife it is the backlash from a manic high. The higher she goes the further she falls. Extreme depression...

I am going to do everyting in my power to keep her at the best her she can be.

I have been through several meltdowns with her. Some of which I walked in and caught her durring the worst of moments. I have talked about a couple of them on here from time to time when trying to help someone else. It's OK today is not the day for me to talk about those things.

I am glad to hear from you. Hope you are doing well today.


01/22/2008 07:38 AM
david27
 
Posts: 6
New Member

Mooskie,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what that must be like. I am thankful for your post as well as I know that I am not alone. I know it must hurt for you to be on here but please know that I really do appreciate your help. I hope I can ask you was she on or off the meds. Did you have good times that would last 3 or 4 weeks and then crash out of nowhwere everything was mess? I am so lost the meds are a disaster, the reason all these people go off them is because they are a disaster. There has to be another way to deal with this. Any things you might have heard non-medicinal? Again I appreciate your help and I am so very sorry for your loss.

David

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