Bipolar in the family Support Group

I hate to be the bearer of bad news when I really enjoy to cheer people up. I think that somehow it undermines my role as a supporter, but then again I am one of those people that finds it easier to care for others than to care for oneself and it is precisely that which has me in my current predicament.

My older brother and I, children of divorced parents, we both have known what it is to have an abusive stepfather and stepmother since we lived back and forth with them.

Finally our father left to Puerto Rico with his wife and new child an my brother and I went to live with or mother, stepdad and their new children. By when we were teens things got tough, it was clear that we did not belong there and my mom seemed to be specially abusive with my brother.

We were not rebellious nor vicious kids, we were just not…welcome.

We left that home (encouraged by numerous ‘invites’ to do so and when we finally settled I noticed that my brother was not as constant at keeping a job as I was but I cut him some slack because his was a tough life I supposed. Years later he found a girl online and decided to marry her within a couple of months.

I struggled by myself after my brother and a layoff let me fighting for survival but luckily I pulled trough.

The same lay-off crisis left my brother unemployed but this time his wife was not as supportive.

She tried to help him when after a year without job hue quitted a dream-job he landed within 2 weeks because he was feeling insecure. She and a friend diagnosed mi brother with depression and without consulting us, she and her mother started feeding antidepressants to my brother until he had his first major manic episode. It was around Christmas 2004 and I remember we had to commit it to a clinic.

During that time, mi brother’s wife dissolved both the marriage and the house and went away. Leaving my brother homeless.

I took my brother back into the little apartment we both shared prior to his marriage. Besides my mom didn’t volunteered to do so.

I decided to help him regain control of his life after his failed marriage but It proved to be more difficult than I supposed it would be. When he’s not as depressed that he decides to quit his job (whatever it may be) he is manic and abusive. Confrontational and selfish, all this while I am putting my own life on hold. Our mother doesn’t want to help me _in fact I am the one who sends her money because she’s been unemployed for years now- and my 3 younger brothers, being the younger 25 now, don’t even want to talk with me about it or because of it.

I have a very demanding job and a loving girlfriend but all of that is in jeopardy because I am not as patient as I was years before knowing now that not only did I invest the last 4 years on what seems as a lost cause but that also my ‘family’ has enjoyed the peace I renounced to in order for them to be safe and none of them are willing to help or even listen. Our dad? Now divorced and living by himself in P.Rico, with no plans for changing that.

I feel now trapped. My brother has been on a mild manic state for months now and I have failed to summon my mother and brothers to talk about alternatives. My mother knows it is dangerous to have him around but it seems it not dangerous when it is my life and physical well being the one at stake.

My girlfriend has been totally supportive for the almost three years we’ve been together and she has become very important because of that. She knows all about this situation and she is NOT forcing me to marry her, but she’s strongly suggesting that I should stand on my own feet and -be it with or without her - get my happiness back because we both are afraid of my health and well being.

I only wish I had options.

Sorry for the long post but bearing your sol at 35 is not a short task.

Thank you all for listening. I’ll return the favor because I know how much we all need it.

Damn francisco tough choices there. You've obviously got a heart of gold and I believe your family takes advantage of that fact. Is your brother under a doc's care and prescribed meds?? You might have already said but I'm still trying to catch up here still dealing with a manic fiance. Anyway you do need to take care of yourself and your happiness is very important. Besides you need to be well incase your brother needs you because it seems your all you have as far as family that you can depend on. Gotta run talk more later fiance needs her things to do today list I'm at work and can't run the marathon with her today.

Hi Francisco,

Sorry to hear about the situation that distresses you so. Perhaps the most important thing to address is to take care of yourself. Counseling was one of the first things I did for myself because I realized that I could not defeat my partner's bipolar illness, and that I would need help in dealing with the feelings manifested by my reactions to it. My counselor has been a Godsend throughout this past year and has enabled me to vent, as well as learn to keep my life in balance while the "roller coaster" encircles me. Please find a way to take care of yourself first, then educate yourself about the illness--knowledge is everything when dealing with the unknown! Take care.

Thank you both for taking your time to write. I had some problems with my family for asking them for help. I wish I knew how to get help myself but right now I know I need it.

You always come back to those who support you.

I am here now, wishing to share the peace I should feel now that my brother left my home. Instead I am restles since I knew they kicked him out of the rent-a-room he was living in because of his agressive conduct and menacing language. I regret not only the fact that his mind is beyond anything that could resemble my childhood's best buddy but also the fact that he is homeless...It is too heavy for me to bear.

My mom tries to reason with him but he becomes agressive and menacing when he feels like he's being confronted. He hates our younger sibilings and the possibility of him moving back with them is as remote as that of moving back here.

I think we lost him. I only wish I don't lost my mother of myself in the process.

Francisco, sometimes the only thing you can do is to let God have it all...

Francisco, after so many years of taking care of everyone else and worring about their needs I think you need to get on with your own life and find some peace and happiness. No matter how hard you try you can't put understanding into another person.

Im with Ben give it to God and start taking care of yourself. Good luck.

Francisco , I am so sorry you are still hurting . You can still live with the fact that you helped as much as you could . It is unfortunate that he was not in a place where he could accept more help.

Thanks! To ALL of you!

I am still feeling the need to support and help people here(in the forums and around me.

I just wish I had this matter somewhat handled in order for me to do so.

Thanks for listening. Sometimes that makes all the difference in the world.

I'm back.