|
|
BiPolarPreachersWife
Posts: 7
New Member
Send a PM
Give a Hug
|
I have spent 22 years in a marriage of constant upheaval due to my husband's illness with Bi-polar. We were in the ministry for 14 of the 22 years married and the stress seemed to bring out the very worst of the disease. I cannot suggest for anyone to get a divorce, as a believer I don't advocate divorce, HOWEVER, after seeing the toll it has taken on my sons and I, I am finally for the first time in 25 years, sleeping peacefully. My husband has been abusive in every manner possible and to make matters worse, He would use religion as a grounds to back up his crazy mood swings, cursing and a lot of other things. I nearly lost my own mind having been beaten down so many times, and it has taken an unimagineable toll on my sons. My oldest has been as confused as I have been and the subject of many beatings as a result of the disease. He is now an alcoholic trying to get clean because of the abuse he has suffered. I believed it was my "covenant responsibility" to stay in the marriage, but it is definetly not worth it. I had no idea for many years what it was, all the crazy mood swings, violent outburst, scaring the children and I have to death. Accusing us of saying and doing things we hadn't done and then "repenting" only to do it all again and then not remember he had done anything and deny it after just appologizing. Insanity is trying to stay in a relationship that a mentally ill person cannot reason in. The cost on the children far outweighs any responsibility to "help" your loved one. Especially if they will not face their disease or worse, they mock everything you say and tell other people that you have Bi-Polar disease and that you shouldn't be trusted. I can't stay and I will probably spend the rest of my life trying to raise enough money to help my sons deal with the scars of their childhood as a result of living with a violent bi-polar dad, who was a preacher. How much more damaging this was. I wouldn't wish this burden on my worst enemy. God Bless everyone. One day when we all see God, we will all be made perfect, until then we all do the best we can. |
|
Post Reply Quote |
|
|
jlh
Posts: 23
New Member
Send a PM
Give a Hug
|
I understand exactly how you feel and I feel your pain because you could be talking about my childhood. It was the same for me and I am 51 and still scarred, but healing ever so gradually. It takes a long time to heal from all of that, but until you get away from it you can't really heal because your keep getting reinjured. Now you have a chance, you and your sons. God Bless you all!! |
|
Post Reply Quote |
|
|
AnnaNAmos
 Posts: 67
Member
Send a PM
Give a Hug
|
You are painting a picture of my husband. We have no kids. But he is bipolar and tells peole I am sick. I blame him, I am mean, I this and that. The shrink said the people that have "this" are "crazy makers" many spouses end up in the hospital for breakdowns and I tell you I almost have, if not for a loving God (the opposite of the satanic ministry of lies, accusing, decieving, etc I see in him when this disease is active and untreated. Post edited by: AnnaNAmos, at: 12/25/2007 18:37
|
|
Post Reply Quote |
|
|
jlh1956
Posts: 396
Member
Send a PM
Give a Hug
|
I understand the "crazy makers" syndrome. Right before my dad died I went to visit him, and he said something to me that reeked of disrespect and contempt for me, and I snapped. That was the closest to a nervous breakdown that I have ever come. I actually felt myself losing control of myself for the first time (crying uncontrollably, shaking like a leaf, hard to talk through the crying and shaking, feeling nauseous, etc. It is really unhealthy for those of us who try to remain sane in the midst of such unrelenting madness. Untreated and undiagnosed due to his inability to have the courage to face himself honestly in the mirror. Yes, I view him as a coward, but I have forgiven him - I did that for me, not for him, so I could live my life in peace, finally, peace, at long last, no more fear, no more uncertainty, no more pain, no more tears, no more heartache, no more sadness, no more, no more. Sad, but, no more. I am finally free. I need God and I always will. I am damaged, but healing. I am sad, but happy. I am scarred, but strong. I am bent, but not broken. I am me. |
|
Post Reply Quote |
|
|
TerriTee
Posts: 1237
Group Leader
Send a PM
Give a Hug
|
If your husband would not get help, you've made the only choice possible. Good luck and peace to you and your sons. Most people don't know that there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable & fall asleep & miss your life - Brian Andreas |
|
Post Reply Quote |
|
|
jolamom
Posts: 134
Member
Send a PM
Give a Hug
|
Its like reading my own story. I'm just thankful we haven't gotten to the physcial abuse part. I've been married almost 11 yrs and we have 2 small children. I keep wondering what affect this will have on their lives and if I am a coward for continually thinking about divorce. I greatly believe God intends for my happiness, but my continued joy and peace are wavering. I do not believe he intends for any of us to live lives that are unable to be fixed. My husband waviers on his trust in God and this breaks down our relationship even more. One day he is my soulmate and speaks to my heart, the next its pain and misery. I have hidden my emotions deep and fear one dya they will be gone. Thank you for sharing, K |
|
Post Reply Quote |
|
|
jennipurr
Posts: 80
Member
Send a PM
Give a Hug
|
i have so much in common with all of you. my hubby is bipolar, he's on meds, but he's not stable. we're going through a really bad time right now, i think he's manic. sometimes i wish i would've never met him, isn't that awful? he's my soulmate, he makes me happier than anyone ever has, but then there's times like this when he treats me so badly and hurts me so much i wish i were dead so i wouldn't have to live through this pain. god bless everyone going through this
|
|
Post Reply Quote |
|
|
keepthefaith
 Posts: 309
Group Leader
Send a PM
Give a Hug
|
I find it comforting to realize I am not alone, but I still agonize over what the future holds for my family. My wife is bipolar, and she was very upfront about it when we met. We had 19 fabulous years together, 3 great kids, and then the bipolar returned. It's been the worst time of my life. She suddenly desires divorce, although she says she still loves me and we will always be best friends. She is home now after her 6th hospitalization since October 07 and on Clozaril and Lithium and as best as I can tell is taking her meds. I want things to change back overnight to the way they always were but now realize it could be a long time, if ever, that they return. I continue to have hope and the great people on this site help. Thanks. |
|
Post Reply Quote |
|
