He says i am just tried but was very short with just yes and no to questions . I guess I am hoping that we can talk about our future and issues when i go there this weekend . Then to that he says yes but not on the phone which i do not intend to talk to him about on the phone . He gets very defensive anytime that we talk about his disorder . He says that is all i talk about with him that and the drinking . I guess i really do not have any questions just nervous about the visit and what will become of it . I feel this is make or break type of visit although when i do go after he seems so low he becomes more happier and is glad that i cam and says so . he acts so different when i am there with him .

Post edited by: diane38, at: 08/26/2008 20:13

I think is is important to be honest with him. If you have concerns about your future with him, then you should let him know. But be empathetic, he may not be able to make decisions about the future if he is not very stable. If he is depressed, he probably won't think there is much future, but you should still let him know your feelings.

I found I had some success communication with my wife Karen during her mania when I used the SET technique (support, empathy, truth). I learned about it in a book that Karen's brother sent me called Friends and Family Bipolar Survival Guide (Meehl). Here is an example from the book:

Non-bipolar: "Honey, have you taken your medication today?"

Bi-polar: (yelling) "I hate it when you ask me that, don't ever ask me that again!"

Non-bipolar: "I understand that you feel this way. (support) It must make you angry. (empathy) But you have forgotten to take your medication several times before, and you went into crisis. (truth) Is there anything I can do to remind you without making you angry?"

I think you get the idea. If not do a google search on set communications and you will find some sites that describe it. Give it a try and see if it helps. Let us know.

Paul

However, dont let my experience stop you from trying, keep on trying diffrent things until you find something that works.

Post edited by: diane38, at: 08/27/2008 14:56

Post edited by: diane38, at: 08/27/2008 15:06