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01/25/2010 03:29 PM

working full time

sparks
 
Posts: 527
Member

hi everyone i decided to go back to work full time as my partner hasnt gone back to work yet.

i suppose i was really living in a dream world and thought i get home to at least the dinner started. all he did for the day was light the fire and then sit in front of the tv. jesus i was mad but said nothing so in the middle of cooking the dinner i was checking our son had his homework done.

dinners ready and he tells me he dosent want it argh argh. at aout 7.30 my son says hes tired i just have the sink full with the dishes to wash so i had to leave them there until i got our son settled down for the night.

couldnt believe when i came down a hour later guess what the dishes are still sitting there.

so i nicely thanked him for doing all the dishes but no response now hes asleep on the chair after his hard day at home.

i just want to scream so here goes arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

hope he heard thatWink [img]

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01/25/2010 04:12 PM
grafxbydiane
grafxbydiane  
Posts: 7846
VIP Member

sparks, Yeah in the scheme of things when one partner is working full time one would think that the other could help out in other ways . Have you spoken to him about helping you around the house now that you are working .?

01/25/2010 04:21 PM
damselndistress
damselndistressPosts: 16955
VIP Member

Oh I feel ya.

I felt I had to work too. Mine is doing a bit better now but my oldest is 10 and we have three other kids.

I would come home on the days I worked to all of the dishes. I was supposed to just be happy that he was here for the kids and fixed them food.

I think if we break it down it's the fatigue and stress we feel that makes it hard for us. I try to take some responsibility for my own feelings and not expect everyone to clean the house. When you are working there just isn't the time.

I would have myself half sick, trying to do it all and then you do when you're feeling that bad look at the other person and think why can't you pitch in just a little?

One of my pet peeves was when I was 9 months pregnant doing our grocery shopping and mine never budged off the couch to carry them in and still claims to this day that he's never benefited from my income that my job has only been a drag on him.

I guess from either standpoint we can feel like a victim.

I let things go some times or just do what I can in order to not cause issue-then it's like this place is a mess.

That's why I make such a big deal of trying to do something each day and making that a goal and feeling so happy and good about doing it. I don't resent it when I'm well rested not working for any deadline other than my own goal, and feel happy to accomplish.

Working moms have it tough-you're just pulling yourself in two between work and family.

Try and focus on getting enough rest for yourself, your son's needs in the evening and if the dishes don't get done he might just have to wash one so he can have a clean plate, bowl or silverware.

Focus on the things that are important to you if it be getting the floor vacuumed or laundry and let a little go.

Don't you worry about either. You have to take care of yourself.

Worrying about the house will really get you-it got me and it is a concerning issue.

Another idea is doing a little before you go to work.

I often did this but then that got to me because it was really cutting into my sleep time.

One girl at work says they clean their house on Saturday and they all pitch in. This might help a little. It is true that it isn't all your mess and it wouldn't hurt if others pitched in.

Damsel


01/25/2010 04:26 PM
pjgirl

I have worked the same job for 11 years full time while my husband has jumped from job and been unemployed now for over a year. I hear you and know exactly where you are coming from. Although usually he does do the "everyday" stuff it takes him ALL DAY to do it and when it doesnt get done it is very irritating to me. I try to not say anything cause I dont want to "set him off" but we have been married for 15 years and hes pretty good at reading me so he knows when Im upset even if I dont say it. Then a HUGE yelling match (him yelling at the wall I guess cause Ive already left the room) ensues and the night is ruined. I know that folding laundry is something he hates and cant focus on so recently I have taken over folding the laundry that he piles on the couch during the day. And I dont mind doing it, I just sit and watch my shows and fold away. This has helped energize him to take on other things he normally wouldnt do. I know for him seeing the laundry and dreading doing it caused him to shut down completely and not get anything done. Maybe there is something like that for him too...something that seems so overwhelming it just takes over his thoughts. Good luck and I know its hard working full time and trying to keep the family going! You can do it though and it will b e a good thing for you.

01/25/2010 04:59 PM
WARHORSE
WARHORSE  
Posts: 5057
VIP Member

Sparks: I've been known to throw the dinner AND the dishes out the front door!!!!!!!!!

01/25/2010 05:02 PM
damselndistress
damselndistressPosts: 16955
VIP Member

I had to cut back my hours recently because I have health issues, I might actually be feeling a little better now so I clean and take rest breaks.

I am kind of enjoying it because like you this was a real sore spot for me. It was all about not having the time and the energy, both are still not abundant but it is much better than it was and I can look back and realize there was no way I could have done it.

I was up at 5 home at 3:30-4:00 then we had after school activities, homework, supper. You just prioritize and get through it and yeah I hope if you decide to come to my house you give me a call first! ha ha

And yes you make a good point. I have those feelings where I don't know where to start etc etc can't get a job done and your husband might be experiencing it too.

I just know now not to let the house conquer me. It's just a house it will be there tomorrow.

Oh the other thing I'd get caught up in was when I did have time off did I spend the whole day cleaning to catch up or spend time with the kids doing something fun??? Often we'd just load up in the car and go do something.

If my only focus was the house it would just never end, that is all I would get done. I just know it's not going to be perfect and it never will be.


01/26/2010 08:18 AM
sallyo
sallyoPosts: 3682
Senior Member

I relate to what everyone here has said. It sounds like my life, especially when we had children at home. What is it about husbands willing to wash clothes, but refusing to fold them??? I, too, watch tv and fold them when I get home. I have learned that when he does anything around the house, even if it does take all day, if I make a point of telling him thank you, he responds positively. If I neglect to thank him, I hear how unappreciative I am!

Damsel: Great advice! You are right about taking the time to play with the kids. Housework will always be there, but the kids will grow up and be gone someday. Enjoy them while they're young.


01/26/2010 11:08 AM
Spouseofbipolar
 
Posts: 364
Member

Wow - and here I thought I was the only one who had a husband who could ignore all the work that needed to be done, while I was running around like a madwoman. I wonder sometimes where the line is drawn between personality and the disorder. Or is it that the personality trait is typical of the disorder? I don't know...

01/26/2010 03:01 PM
sparks
 
Posts: 527
Member

WARHORSE you always manage to make me laugh. if i threw the plates out the front door, id have to take on more hours to replace them haha. im wrecked as it isTongue

01/26/2010 03:06 PM
sparks
 
Posts: 527
Member

when i came home tonight from work he was stood at the sink,i thought great hes peeling the potatoes. then i seen the suds and actually thought he was washing them first in fairy liquid. i was so relieved when i seen a cup rising from the sink.
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