Bipolar in the family Support Group

My 30 year old son-law-law has been having manic episodes for about a month. My daughter, his wife, is due to deliver their first child any day. We had to call the police yesterday and he volutarily put himself into the hospital. He denied that he had any problem and it took a crisis to get him to seek help. He hates me and my wife, as he blames us for his predicament, even though 5 trained professionals has indicated that he was in severe crisis. Mu daughter is so confused, she is beside herself. She talks to her husband, and beleives I was the one that caused her distress.

A few questions: What will the future be?

Do the prescribed medications work, or will he have episodes of mania his entire life?

Is he dangerous?

Many more questions, but lets look at these...thx.

Hi, 911. Glad you found us and welcome aboard. Sorry to hear of your situation, but know and understand that he is in the best possible place to get the help he needs.

Can you tell us what happened that caused you to call the cops?

"What will the future be?" That is entirely up to him. If he is diagnosed with a mental illness, he will need to own up to it and accept treatment, medication and therapy. If he does, things may be fine. If he doesn't, your daughter will need to be prepared to live with that if she so chooses.

"Do the prescribed medications work, or will he have episodes of mania his entire life?" It depends on whether they hit on the right "cocktail." Sometimes it can take a long time to find the right mix.

"Is he dangerous?" Depends on whether or not he's psychotic. If he is, then yes he can be dangerous. Most often though, BPs are more of a danger to themselves than anyone else.

Keep posting and keep asking.

Hello, and welcome - I'm glad you found us.

First of all, don't feel guilty - You did the right thing! My husband was very angry with me, at first too, until he was more stable and realized I had done the right thing. You couldn't leave your daughter and unborn grandchild in such a situation. I'm sure your daughter must feel some sense of relief, as well. It can't have been easy.

It may take a while to get the right mix of meds., but as long as he works at it and takes them, there is a good chance he will be fine. (He may need adjustments on the way, but if he and your daughter are aware, things should be alright). He will probably also need counseling, and your daughter might as well.

Take care of your daughter - it's a frightening and lonely time, especaially with a baby on the way.

It's not always easy, but it can work

Hugs,

Terri

911,

Glad you found us. Hopefully we will be able to help you understand what is happening, and what to expect. Lots of bipolars, and bipolar significant others here who can offer great advise and support.

Not sure what the crisis was that led to his hospitalization, but if he was manic, and in denial, then he needs help. Like Warhorse said, he needs to accept that there is a problem and take the correct steps to change himself. You can't force him, it has to be his decision. That's not to say that there aren't things in your, and more importantly your daughters, control. If he won't seek treatment, and things are too difficult, she can distance herself from him, and set boundaries for him. Like he needs to be stable and in control of his mental health for their relationship to continue. Unfortunately, it sounds like she may be in denial, if she is blaming this on you. When my wife was manic, she could be very convincing. She had our 3 teenage children believing there was nothing wrong with her, and that her family (3 siblings and her parents) and I were wrong in hospitalizing her. Well, when the mania, paranoia and delusions got too bad, and she couldn't hide them from our kids any longer, they finally realized there was a problem, and they actually became part of the soultion, convincing her to go into the hospital. Hopefully your daughter will realize you are not the problem.

It is almost a certainty that he will need to take medication for the rest of his life. It is VERY rare for a bipolar to go unmedicated and lead a stable life, but it can happen. Don't count on it. And even if he does accept this, and takes medication, the medications can lose their effectiveness after time, and will need to be adjusted or changed. Your son-in-law, and your daughter should monitor his moods to watch for changes that will alert them to the need for attention.

And it seems to always be advised that counseling is a great help. Not just for him, but probably for your daughter too, so she can understand what he is going thru and how she can deal with it.

Either way, let your daughter know that you have her, her unborn child, and her husbands best interest in mind. Maybe steer her to this site. She might find it helpful, too.

Feel free to pm me if you want to talk.

Talk to you soon,

Paul

Thank you all for your insights and support. He'd (Jack) been manic for about a month, with all the classic symptoms of mania. He canceled many appts with his psychiatrist after promising over and over to go. He became extremely dilusional and verbally abusive. We called his Doc and "Jack" spoke with him. His doc realized immediately he was pyschotic and needed immediate hospitalization. He called the police.

The diagnosis has come back as bipolar disorder. He is in the hospital now, getting stabilized. My daughter is of course distraught over the possibility of her husband not being their for the baby's birth. We're working hard trying to get him released (same hopsital) to attend. 50:50 at this point.

Don't try to get him released TOO soon. Unfortunately, sounds like bad timing all around. If they release him too soon, he probably won't be stable enough to be in the delivery room with her anyway.

The attending physician will not allow Jack to be released. While I tell my daughter I commensurate with her sadness, I know this is the best for all concerned. Very sad situation.

Question: Do bipolar individuals ever understand what is wrong with them and accept treatment and advice as a way of getting help?

Yes, when they get sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Hey 911, was, "Jack", ever violent before this? Has he ever been physically violent in the past? You must remember that not just we with bipolar can be violent and abrasive. If this is his bipolar acting out, then medication and therapy are the key. However, if he is just a jerk, no amount of medication will overcome it. What your daughter thinks is important, but not paramount to the situation. She is, standing by her man, so give her time. If he comes out of the hospital with a new outlook on life, she will thank you.

If he is psychotic, he wouldn't really be "there" anyway. I know it must be hard and I can understand your daughter's pain. It is more important that he get well for your daughter and the baby, so he CAN be there for them instead of just be at the birth. Although missing the birth would be sad, they have the baby's whole life that he needs to be there for. Is this her first child?

Maybe you could do something nice, like get her a little gift, or bring her some dinner (she may not feel like eating) to let her know how important she and the baby are to you.

Hopefully, Jack will feel better with the meds., and realize how much they need for him to be well.

Hugs to all of you!

Terri