Bipolar in the family Support Group

A year ago today my husband was up for the entire night. He did not sleep a wink. It was also during that time period that he was starting to have panic attacks again. However, our marriage was in a good place, and he wrote in his Christmas card to me that he loved me so much, he thanked me for being there for him, and he looked forward to growing old with me.

By May (5 months later) he had his first rage episode that I was aware of, and things continued to deteriorate between us from May through the rest of the year, and now a year later from wanting to grow old with me, we are separating (those of you who've read my other posts know the whole story). I believe May was when his mania began with the rage and euphoria. He also started a new job at that point, and a cousin of mine died suddenly.

I guess my question is, if I use December 2008 as the starting point of behavioral changes such as the panic attacks and insomnia, and May as the starting point of all the other manic characteristics, does that fit any kind of pattern? Once he mania started, he has not any panic attacks, and instead he has been angry, euphoric, wants to end our marriage, is unemployed, lost his job, spends money on his card, and stays out every single night. He lives in his own reality.

Any insight would be helpful.

Thanks everyone.

This is an interesting thought. I have always seen my wife's mania starting, which then impacted her ability to lie down, certainly with no chance of sleep.

I also try to look for connections, fearing and hoping the inevitable spike does not return. A year ago it started and she was in/out of hospital 4 months, like $24,000. Then

after a few weeks at home she was back.

First I want to give you a cyber hug *Big deep hug*. I was in this situation a year ago. It almost killed me. I ended up in the psyche ward, near death from low potassium, lost 60 pounds. One of the most terrible experiences of my life. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this.

I dont know what to say. My marriage was heaven. We were so compatible. We loved our life. My husband would send me daily text messages full of love and appreciation. He would buy me cards filling them with love letters expressing how happy he was with me, and how marrying me was the best choice he made in his life. It was pure bliss.

Then the all nighters happened. My husband is navy, so sometimes he cant help it. But he took on too much, against my concerns. He enrolled in college classes and would stay up all night studying. He then took in a friend in trouble and that is when the mania and rage set in. All his rage was directed at me. It was total Jeckle and Hyde. He would not get help. He knew he was bipolar, diagnosed as a teen. His mother is severely bipolar and possibly pyschotic. He was an abused/neglected child. His rages scared me.

He promised he would get help, but we had Thanksgiving plans to visit his family and he wanted to talk after the trip. He said he could not get on meds because he was in the navy. So, he made excuses. The trip was a fiasco. His mother is severely ill, and very abusive emotionally. I got into it with her. We flew home and my husband just left me. Wrote me a dear john letter, lied about it, and abandoned me with no food or money. I was completely dependent on him as I am disabled. I hadnt won my SSD money yet.

He then started raging on me and became verbally and emotionally abusive. This was Christmastime. He said horrible things to me. I was destroyed. He later told me he was drinking. He even filed for divorce on our anniversary and had me served. He slept we me the night before and asked me to reconcile.

He lied and lied and continued to abuse me emotionally and financially. He refuses to get help. I finally moved across the country to get away from him. I feel numb and traumatized. I am still in shock because we had such an amazing marriage, love and friendship....

I dont know what to say to make you feel better. Except you are not alone.

Regarding the fantasy world, yes my husband is living in his own reality. He believes his own lies. He now is getting out of the navy and wants to get into a prestigious college on a C average. He also says he is going to be a famous rock star. He goes out drinking every night. He is not the man I married. Not anyone I would want as a friend.

Love and Blessings. Keep your head up. I started reading Buddhism Philosophy. That helped me. Find your own path. Spirituality definitely helped me pull out of victim mode and into Warrior Survivor.

Good Luck. We Will Survive. xxoo

Post edited by: vadergrrrl, at: 12/20/2009 02:49 PM

Thank you so much vadergrrl. And the hug is right back at ya. My goodness you have been through so much as well!

We have a lot in common. A rock star? Wow. Mine thinks he is on a mission from God to travel the country and speak on the benefits of healthy eating and exercise because it saved his life when he was in a deep depression years ago. He seems to forget about a little pill named Paxil, which is what got him out of his depression as well.

My husband, like yours, was also very loving and affectionate and attentive to me in the beginning. I don't understand how they go from that to becoming a nightmare and getting so angry about things that are so trivial.

I liked what you said about getting out of "victim" mode and into "Warrior Survivor" mode. I will try to keep that in mind, because not until I read that did I realize that I have been perceiving myself as a victim. While it is true that I am (we all are), it is also true that I have to start to see myself as a survivor instead. Because we are all survivors as well.

Thanks a lot for some really great support and equally great food for thought.

Greatly appreciated. Take care.

I am so sorry you are going through this. The very first signs that I would notice in my daughter were that her sleep cycles would change. If she was sleeping a lot, I knew that within a few days she would be manic.

Yes this is a cycle, my husband will be sweet and try his hardest to be romantic and then all of a sudden there could be a fight in his family or a potty accident from one of our dogs and then everything is down hill from there. Before we were married he was able to keep his mania out of the relationship. Once we got married it all changed from there and now I see everything. He also is OCD and this agrivates his manic stages. He does go out and spend money like you said, that's part of the impulsive actions. He's even gone as far as walking into a strip club but then realizes he needs to leave. So money there is wasted and emotional feelings are hurt. He hasn't done that again but sometimes I do wonder I love him so much. He is just like any other person with bi polar but how can a couple live through it. It's extremely hard and my father in law goes through it as well with his wife. My husband will leave me at restaraunts or on the streets if we take his car and he gets in a rage. He always comes back and then I have to forgive him. It really is hard but all of those things you described are the impulsive actions through the manic stages. I hope this helps and we are all going through it together.

You said that at one time your husband was on paxil. Don't know if he was on something with it at the time, but I thought I'd mention that if someone is bipolar, an antidepressant alone can throw them into mania if there isn't a mood stabilizer prescribed with it. Maybe he didn't tell whoever prescribed it that he was bipolar?

Owutatangledweb - yes, I have read that antidepressants alone can cause mania. He has been on paxil for several years, because he was (mis)diagnosed with unipolar depression, which I believe is really bipolar depression, as he is exhibiting the symptoms of mania. He has never been diagnosed as bipolar because he refuses to believe that he is, so he won't go to a doctor for it. Thank you for mentioning it because it confirms what I had also thought.

Daciam and MedievalLady - thank you also so much for your feedback. So it is likely then that there is a connection between a change in the sleep patterns and the onset of mania. For months before he started exhibiting the manic symptoms he was having panic attacks and not sleeping.

It is good to go on this site and read about people sharing similar experiences. Thank you so much.