Bipolar in the family Support Group

Hello everyone, I just joined the group hope that I can meet some new people that understand and know what I go through so don't have to feel so alone with this illness with my husband anymore. My biggest challenge that my husband will not except any help for it and thinks he can handle it himself. But it doesnt help that he is an alcholic of about 8-9 years( about the time he really started showing signs of BP) and constently feels he has to be social and if he isnt feeling social he wants to be alone. But either way he creates tension in the home and the energy around the house feels down in mood. Making everyone feel like we are walking on egg shells.The more he drinks the more he is triggered with episodes of anger and that is a very scary moment. He has had suicide attemps before, one of which he was hospitilized. The sad things is everything is always magicly some how my fault. All I every do is love and support him. I don't know what to do or how to handle it any more I am coming to an end of my tollerance with the relationship. Tired of being hurt and being the one to take it all when I not the one with the true problem.He never seems happy and because of that I can't be happy either. Oh, I have been with him since I was 14 and we have 3 children (20,19,and 16) they see all this and suffer too. Which often mention moving out because of him. Any advice anyone? For any of it! PLEASE!!!

Post edited by: emotionallydrained, at: 12/15/2009 01:20 AM

welcome to the group!

All I can say is keep posting and read!! Most of us can tell your same story. Some of us are still with our BP partner and some of us- myself here- have given up.

The decision is almost as hard and actually implementing whatever plain we come up with

the bottom line is that this is a terribly devestating disease which ruins many lives both for the patient and for their loved ones.

Hard choices but you will find this to be a loving, welcoming community and sadly we are all in the same boat

The bottom line is you need to do what is Best For You and the children. If that is leaving him, then that is what you should do.The fact that you have the bipolar complicated by the years of alcohol abuse make it even more important and difficult to treat and deal with. We are all here for you any time

emotionallydrained, Welcome the group I am glad that you have found us . I know exactly what you are dealing with . As my bf is an alcoholic as well as being bipolar . Now of course that is a dual diagnosis. Now have to treat both the same thing because they feed off each other the illnesses . It does seem like your husband is surely in denial. Unfortunately the problem is beyond is control and we=ill need to seek out help . Perhaps a an appt with His primary that that can refer him to see a pdoc may help . If he decided that he does not want help it would be a good idea for you and your children to see k help.

Post edited by: grafxbydiane, at: 12/15/2009 08:29 AM

Dear drained, I am so sorry for everything you and your children have been dealing with. My ex has bipolar II with rapid cycling and is an alcoholic. It is NOT your fault even though your husband may be trying to blame you, deflecting blame is common with alcoholism and with people w/BP when in an episode. It is always someone elses fault, never theirs.. My ex blamed me for everything including his drinking which he did for 20 years before he met me. My ex also has been hospitalized and attempted suicide, it is a sad but common sympton of the disease. The alcoholism will make the bipolar worse and vice versa trying to fight them both on your own is impossible. They do have treatment programs for people with dual diagnosis and their families. It is so awful to have to go through this, especially around the holidays. Your husband may not have control over the BP or the drinking but he can control if he chooses to get help. If he will not get help for himself I hope you will get help for you and the children. You joined this group that is a good start. Know you are not alone, take care.

Drained~

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am in the process of legally separating from my husband who I believe to be bipolar, although he denies anything is wrong with him so there is no official diagnosis. But he displays most of the symptoms and I feel he is textbook, as does my therapist. But she also cannot diagnose.

My advice for you would be to ask yourself what would be the healthiest choice for you, your children, and him? A separation may give everyone a breather, and it does not necessarily end the marriage forever. I am only married 4 and a half years, and we do not have any children, so I can't imagine what it is like for those who share children. However, I must say that I am glad that there is no decision for me to make, and that although I am miserable I do know that it is good I won't be in a relationship with him anymore.

I don't know if what I wrote makes any sense, but please know this: We are all supportive of you and we all understand the rollercoaster to one degree or another. My husband, like yours, blames me for everything and has anger episodes as well. But of course, I drive him to the episodes because it's all my fault.

Again, decide what is healthiest for everyone. We're here for you. Take care.

I am new here also and i can sooo relate to what you are saying, omg can i relate. my husband and i just had an arguement(huge arguement) last night as a matter of fact in which he blames me for his bipolar. he thinks that being married to me caused him so much stress that he is now bipolar. i love him and have dealt w/him for 14 years and my 2 kids have as well and some days it is so very hard. he is now convinced i need counseling too that its always him that needs help and that i am crazy and need help too he thinks. i am not opposed to going although i have no insurance and i am the only working one in my house but i do not think i have a mental health issue. it is very hard to constantly be blamed for things from someone you love and to watch them abuse alcohol or whatever their thing is and when you express your concern all you do is catch flack. i feel your pain and i am in the exact same boat as well and i know love can't fix everything but i sure wish i knew what would. my husband is diff. than yours though because he knows he is bp and he does now take meds for it but sometimes even them don't work, like last night for example. keep praying and keep loving!!!

I applaud you for sustaining the long haul. I am new to this site and know how hard it is to live with bp in your life. What has sustained me through my trials with my husband is my faith. Like someone said, think of what is best for your family. I hope that if you haven’t already done so, see a therapist. It is hard to live with someone who is constantly blaming you for something. Sooner or later it starts sticking and you start believing it. Also, you want to be in a good frame of mind if and when you decide to leave. One-on-one counseling can help you. No one, but you knows what is best for you. These are only supportive measures that can help take you where you want to go. And most importantly, prayer works!

Thank you everlastingfaith, Your words are really heart warming to me. thanks for the aplause. And I am going to couseling after the holidays are over I have an appt. already and looking for to it. Maybe I can get some answers and guidence, which I really need. the depression I have developed do to all of this has cause anger and resentment towards him. Which I believe its because he constantly makes me unhappy (blaming).So I leave a life under a mask, always acting like there isn't a problem when there is one.

curwoodgal, so sorry to hear that you two had a huge fight.I know the feeling very well.I spent my last several days in a huge fight too. He even almost left this week. I was kinda glad too until he decided to not stop talking in the driveway while he was in the car and end up talking himself out of it. He wouldnt do it. I'm afraid that he believes that all our problems are my fault.I have always believed that love can fix everything but Im starting to see for the first time that maybe that isn't true.I'm looking forward to my appt. with the counselor with hope of some hind of help. I'm gettiing my paid for by my job it offers coverage for counseling for employees. You might want to check on that for you. Im glad you saw my post so you to don't feel alone like I do.