Advice - just out of a major depressive episode

My husband is BP, has been as long as I have known him, although I didn't know he had it when we got married. I have been married to him for 15 years, and have had all the behaviors described in these forums, irresponsbility, unfaithfulness, partying, alcohol, spending money, manipulating me and others, in and out of jobs, trouble with authority, trouble with relating to people whether friends or at work.

I separated from my husband two years ago. I am ashamed to say that I had an affair, something I am so ashamed of and never dreamed I would end up doing something like that, but I must say, it showed me how much I was missing in my marriage. My husband immediately struck up a relationship with someone else. During the time he was seeing her, he didn't want to get back with me (I actually didn't know he was seeing someone else). Within two weeks of her giving him the boot he was back on my doorstep, crying and wanting to get back together. Problem is, I had met someone else in the meantime and am now in a pretty good relationship. He has just spiralled down, down, down and finally I had to hospitalize him for 1 1/2 weeks. He came out for 2 weeks, then took an overdose of sleeping pills, and I had to hospitalize him again.

Right now, his brother is here from the UK to take care of him. He is back at work, but keeps saying that he can't manage on his own. Is this something that is common in bipolar? They can't stand to be on their own or live on their own.

Over the weekend his brother came to see me and laid a real guilt trip on me. He told me that I should just get back together with him and give it a try. He said would I rather give it a try with him again or have the guilt if he kills himself. I am still trying to get over him saying that. I think it is very unfair. He said we are just messing with each others heads and we obviously love each other and we should just get back together and give it a try.

I have told them both that I will go into counselling with him, but I can't see how I can think of going back with him when I don't know if he will stay of the alcohol, I don't know if he will stay on the medication, and how can I be in an equal, stable partnership with someone who "can't look after themselves and can't be on their own"? Aside from that, the relationship I am in is pretty good, balanced, equal and loving.

My therapist told me that he needs to prove himself over a period of time before I consider any reconciliation, but his brother is pushing me to go into therapy now and "make a decision". He says he can't get better because of the "grey area" with me.

I am very confused right now, and not sure which way to turn.

Thanks for reading everyone, I'd appreciate any comments or advice you have.

You have some major life decisions to make. Take your time. And perhaps do what is best for you. For a change.

Maybe the brother should stay and take care of your husband (exhusband or still married?) if he is so concerned about him.

Let us know how it goes.

Paul

I know his brother is facing a dilemma. He needs to get back to the UK within a month to six weeks, but my husband is still insisting that he "can't manage on his own" and can't look after himself. His brother is concerned that when he goes back that he will spiral down again and may attempt suicide again.

We have discussed whether my husband should go back to the UK with his brother at least for awhile. I personally don't know that that is a wise thing, because he will just become dependant on someone else, his brother or someone he meets. His brother says he doesn't have any friends here (we have been here 8 years now). I told him that he has destroyed several relationships that started out to be good friendships.

I don't know, maybe he should go to the UK, and I suppose at the end of the day, it isn't my decision, it is his.

I guess some little part of me hopes that he will get his life together and pick up the pieces and we can maybe get back together, but who knows if that will actually happen or not, and I kind of doubt that it will if he goes off to the UK.