Bipolar in the family Support Group

Hi all,

Haven't posted in awhile, my life has been consumed again with bipolar. My husband (from whom I am separated) has been hospitalized twice with a major depressive episode. Second time he took an overdose of sleeping pills. He is doing better, back at work, and his brother from the UK has come over to stay with him and help him out. However, he still seems to have an overlying nervousness or anxiety that doesn't go away. He is on Lithium, Cymbalta, Trazodone, Xyprexa and Ativan. Pdoc says that is about the limit she can do on meds. He is nervous and scared about everything. He says he can't look after himself when his brother goes. He says he can't shop for himself or cook for himself, he gets too nervous.

My dilemma is this: is this true? I don't know whether he truly can't shop and cook, or whether he just doesn't really want to (who does?). His brother and I are trying to determine what to do, if he just needs some short to medium term help, then I will need to take over when his brother leaves. However, if he's gotten to the point where he can't live by himself, then maybe we have to look at sending him back to UK with his brother where he can get into some sort of assisted living setup (UK has National Health). I would hate to see that happen, even though we are separated, I still love him, and I guess in a way still hold out hope that we could get back together again in the future. On the other hand, I don't know that that would be the best thing for me, since I may well end up with a total invalid on my hands.

Any advice or comments would be helpful.

Thanks everyone for reading.

DLR, do you have children that are involved in this?

DLR,

I am no expert, but it sounds like the meds he is taking are not getting the desired results. Maybe he (and his brother and you , if possible) should talk to his psychiatrist to see what else they can try. It is encouraging that he is taking his medication.

Let us know how things are progressing.

Paul

Hi, DLR. Sorry to hear that things are the way you describe. Sounds to me like his meds still aren't right. He shouldn't be having that amount of anxiety. Before you guys decide what to do, I'd recommend getting another opinion. Find a psychopharmacologist in your area. (I may be able to help you do this.) They have a higher level of training than your regular pdoc, and it can make all the difference.

Thank you all for your replies.

Morningglory - no there are no children, thankfully.

Warhorse - I live in the DFW area in Texas.

I must say the meds have done a tremendous job so far, taking him from a catatonic state in the hospital to being able to work every day is pretty good in the space of about a month. However, this overlying anxiety is still there, and is making it difficult for him to function normally. As I understand it, two, if not three of the meds he is on should be helping with the anxiety, particularly Ativan, but it is still there. Nowhere near as bad, but just there all the time. The pdoc has said there is nothing more that can really be done medically, the bases are all covered.

Maybe he need some more time for the meds to become fully effective. If things don't get better in the coming weeks, maybe you should try a different pdoc.

Good Luck,

Paul

ps - that's pretty impressive, going from a catatonic state and being able to work in one month.

Post edited by: keepthefaith, at: 05/15/2008 14:17

I don't understand how he can work but he can't shop or cook.

Neither do I NewDay, neither do I. That is why I wonder if that is a manipulation for attention. His brother who is staying with him says he becomes very nervous when he has to shop, and he can see him sweating and shaking. The cooking thing he can do and does when his brother is there making sure he does it, but he says he can't do it when he is on his own.

I don't suffer from any BP or other such mood disorders BUT, I also hate shopping, find it nerve-racking, also cooking is a HUGE dilema....so maybe he's just a typical man (har har)

Ok, seriously though, i agree with the above, keep tweaking those meds. Zprexa can have many side-effects, I wonder if this is needed? Isn't it usually used to calm mania?

Post edited by: plugginalong, at: 05/15/2008 22:44

Hi plugginalong,

Yes, that was what I was trying to say. Is it just a typical man thing, in which case, guess what, you just have to do some things in life that you don't like doing. We all do. Or is it something that is very, very difficult for him to deal with because of the illness. These lines are what I have always had difficulty in finding. Whether his behaviors are just bad behaviors or are somewhat out of his control because of his illness. This extends to other things too, he blew $25 000 of his dad's inheritance money last year - nothing to show for it, just gone. Saying things in public that are embarrassing and unacceptable, infidelity, etc. etc. etc.

I think the doc used the Zyprexa as part of a calming aid. When he is in major depression he has very, very severe anxiety. He is afraid of everything, sweating and shaking. It's like anxiety is a monster with tentacles that worm their way into every part of his life and take it over. It's really horrible. So, she put him on Ativan, Trazodone and I think the Zyoprexa was to help with the same thing - calming the huge anxiety.