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monty
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My oldest brother has tourette syndrome. He has been through so much, and it has had such a horrible effect on him. He takes all his anger and aggression out on the people he thinks will never abandon him. However, he was very wrong. I hate him for destroying my childhood. I hate him for making home a scary place for me. I hate him for getting all the attention. I hate him for tourturing my other brother and I verbally, and physically. I also hate my parents. I hate them for letting it happen. I hate them for ignoring their other two kids. I hate them for assuming that since I don't have tourettes, that I can handle things on my own. And I hate them for thinking that I would let them back in my life without a second thought. My friends don't understand. They think I'm a horrible person for hating three quarters of my family. I think I have every right to. I am 15 going on 25. I have had to take care of myself for the most part, and not really be a kid. I don't want to offend anyone, but it so hard on the siblings. I was so scared growing up that my brother would hurt me or my parents during one of his tantrums. I remember for most of my life, I would be locked in a room with my other brother, listening to them fight, waiting for my mom to yell for us to call 911. I understand what my brother went through....but how much can you really blame the disease? I think he needs to take responsibility for his own actions. I know he can control what he does. It is his choice. Because of the choices he has made, I cannot stand to be in the same room as him. I haven't talked to him in a year. We live in the same house. A lot of people think I'm a horrible person for hating him so much. I don't think I am. Can anyone relate? |
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GoingHome
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You are so young and I am sorry that you have to live with this. I don't know much about tourettes but I do know how hard it is to live with someone who can't seem to control his behavior. It's hard for us to understand because we would never act in such a way. I'm new and learning more and more. There are lots of experienced and good people here to offer support. It's sad to think that others are going through similar situations, but comforting to know you are not alone. You are not a horrible person, you're in a difficult situation. You have every right to feel how you do. Your feelings count. This seems to be a place where you can come for comfort, advice, information and to vent your frustrations. God Bless! |
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morningglory/oldglory
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Listen Monty, there is no law saying you have to love your parents.....I hated mine til the day they died. Nothing says you have to love your siblings, I have 7 that I don't talk to. However, do you buy you own food? Do you buy your own clothes? Do you pay the mortgage? Could you tell me how there is a computer for you to type your feelings of hate on? You will never know the heart break of having a child that is broken, until you have been there. What were your folks to do, throw him away, give him away, institutionalize him? If you are old enough to hold so much hate, you must have the alternatives already in your mind. What were they to do? What would your answer have been? Gloria
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monty
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yeah, i know what you mean. my parents do a lot for me, but that's because they feel guilty. they know they should have done something when my other brother was beaten with a baseball bat by the problem child. they should have done something when he came at me with a knife when I was 5. Maybe, 'hate' is too strong of a word. I hate my brother. I resent my parents. better? do you think I don't feel guilty about hating him?? I do, and I can't figure out why all of a sudden I have so much anger towards him. I will gladly take advice, but your comment belittled my feelings. If my parents truly believe that my other brother and I were unfairly treated, and that they were not good parents to us, then I have a right to feel that way. The reason I searched for a support group onine was that I was so angry at my family, and I felt guilty about that. They did their best, but the siblings still got the short end of things. I came to this group to get verification that I had a right to be angry at them. It's fine if you don't think I should hate them. But if you're going to be demeaning and condecending, versus supportive and constructive, then maybe you should think twice about how the other person would feel when they read your message. I also came here to get advice about how I could deal with all this in a better way. My reaction may be fair to those involved, and I wanted to correct my attitude so that maybe my parents and I could get back on track. I found your post insensitive, one sided, and just plain rude. sorry if this is in any way offensive. I just feel like a lot of people look past how siblings are treated. and I don't think that's fair. I would love some polite, contstructive advice if anyone's got any. I hope this rude reply I have posted doesn't stop anyone from responding. I just felt like I had to defend myself. |
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morningglory/oldglory
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monty, I really am sorry if you think I was too harsh with you. You need not apologize to anyone for venting. That is exactly why this site is here for us. Hate is a huge word and the responsibility of the burden it puts on a person is ominous.. You can hate the neglect all you want, but as an adult I can't set by in this public arena and listen to you spout hate like it is nothing. Young adults like you are having to appreciate things that they took for granted as children. It's part of growing up. I wanted to point out to you how lucky you are. There are kids out there that would truely love to be in your situation. You have parents who have enough love & guts to try and overcome the heartbreak of a less than perfect child. We all have to make sacrifices of some kind in this life, too bad it's you this time. However, would you rather be in your brother's place and get all the attention he gets. I think not. Don't hate your brother, hate his disorder. Don't hate your parents, hate the situation. Gloria |
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monty
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Thank you...I appreciate that. And, I understand. But your outlook seems very mature. Maybe I will grow to feel like that as I get older, but right now, I don't think many kids like me in situations like this would feel that way. I think you develop that insight from the experiences you go through. The only thing I've experienced, is the abuse my brother has put us through. I'll keep you advice in mind, and I hope that eventually I can look at my situation from that perspective. |
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kateholland78
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Monty, I think the important thing here is to realize that you are seeking out help for your feelings. You are obviously very mature and self-aware for your age or you would never seek out a site like this and I commend you on that. Your feelings are valid. Perhaps in time you will be able to see that your parents did the best they could, and even see that your brother did the best he could, even if it was way less that what you expected or needed from him. It is your choice, that is the thing we learn in life. We can either choose anger or we can choose forgiveness. Those choices will become clearer to you as you gain some distance from this situation. I assume that it is very difficult to get any perspective from it while you are all still living in the same house. Soon enough you will be out on your own and you can choose who you let in your life and who you choose to cut out of it. Sounds like you already know a little about choices, having made the choice to stop contact with your brother. The thing you must ask yourself is this: who is this anger and hatred really affecting? Is it really changing my brother to not speak to him, or is it only creating toxicity in me? Only you can find the answer to that one. In learning to know other things, and other minds, we become more intimately acquainted with ourselves, and are to ourselves better worth knowing.
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