Well said Checksinthemail - if the old cliche "life isn't fair" is one you believe, then you need to believe "life with BP is never going to be fair". It will always be an unbalanced relationship. Period. End of sentence.
I am not saying it won't or can't be fullfilling. But the balance will never sway from one partner's needs to the other. There will not be equal giving and taking. You can control the beast, you can minimize episodes by recognizing triggers, you can be part of the treatment plan and develop strategies. There are many things you as a partner can do, and many things you just can't do.
One thing you can't do is "kinda be there for them". You have to decide if this life changing illness is something you can live with, because it never ever goes away. Doesn't mean with a revelation of understanding you won't falter, or have bad days (we may not have a mental health disorder, but we are human). If you believe you can go the distance, there are people out there who reportedly have very fullfilling lives together. Those do seem to be the expecption, not the norm. It all depends on the severity of the illness, willingness of both to work towards how to manage the illness, compliance to meds & treatment, living structured lifestyles which may alter how you typically have lived, how much family and friend support you have... the list is endless of what it takes to make it all work. But it can work. But takes special people to make it happen. There are days I am way over the top and ready to throw in the towel, walk away and let someone else deal with him. Then there are the days, I see a glimpse of the man I fell in love with or have a hope that I might see him and I dig my heels in to try some more.
Loving Someone With Bipolar is an excellent book, was referring to it just this morning. I have also found the Everything Health Guide to Adult Bipolar Disorder to be very enlightening too. I quoted from it last night and it states "to be diagnosed with bipolar is to be given the most serous mental diagnoses you can be given". If this is true, then obviously it isn't an easy road to travel and will be difficult. You have to find a way to keep yourself healthy (physically & mentally) and then work on & with your partner. If you think the relationship is sending each other to therapy, then you haven't accepted the illness yet. Because it isn't the relationship sending you to therapy - it is the illness.
Once you separate the two, it makes it easier. Not easy. Just easier to accept and begin to work through.
My understanding and life became better when I stopped trying to learn what BP is and started learning how to cope with it. I no longer care why he has it, does he have it, what has caused it. I now just focus on how to control it, how to avoid triggers, how to deal with episodes.
You will not offend anyone on this site with your feelings. Depending on the day we may be venting, laughing, crying, screaming, raging, sarcastic, supportive, hopeful or full of despair.... You will find we rapid cycle right along with our partners - but the good news is we see it, recognize it and are here to help each other through it.
I just wish I had someone who understood my side without judging me. Without turning around and saying well you did a. b. c. d. and e. wrong. How can YOU change to fit what SHE needs? Look I don't want to offend anyone. I just don't know what to do or to whom to turn. I'm in need of some help myself and I don't think that's fair. I don't think being in a relationship where you send each other to therapy is a healthy relationship. any thoughts?