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Hurtingbadly
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My husband who is Bp is still in denial. He has gone through the mania and is in between the normal and depression. He moved away and lives with his best friend who has told him that he is not sick and that I am just saying that to cause problems. He was DX by a doctor in Sept 07. He cheated ,lied and spent all our money plus an additional 15,000. Bankcrupcy is being filed Saturday. I guess I just hear so many stories of the spouses coming home when they hit depression and realize what they have done but what happens when there is a best friend who tells him that he is not sick and wants him to file the divorce papers. His friend has let my husband stay with him for free ( he was spoiled rotten by my husband during the mania) because of the financial situation and I only see him on the weekends when he shows up and he only comes to see the kids. His friend has told my husband that he may not give me the address to the apartment. He told my husband that I would drive down there and cause problems and do horrible things. ( never have in my life).I live 5 hours away from this place. I havent chased after my husband at all. Once I found out about the affair I never surprised him at his work, which is also 5 hour away. I went down there to try and put some fun in our lives because he kept saying that I was boring but that was back in October. I just dont know what to do. Before he moved in with this friend 3 weeks ago I could see that he was slowly coming back to me, but now its completely gone. The address issue is big for me because we have 2 children and if anything happened nobody would be able to get a hold of him. He seems to break every cell phone he has. How many others of you have had to deal with the best friend who wants him away from his family. He likes it when my husband is single as he is not a catch and he feels that my husband can help him get some girls. I just hate that after almost 17yrs of marraige that he trusts and believes his friend over me. What do I gain from lying to him. Please I just need something to keep me going. I am scared and tired and alone. I live somewhere where I have no friends and he lives where I am from. The house is up for sale but now I am scared to move back home because he has told so many lies about me that I am scared to bump into anybody. Silly isnt it. I never cared what any of his friends ever thought about me before all this. I am so insecure about everything. Thank you!!! |
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babblej
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Hurting- There is no quick reply for your hearbreaking situation, I can offer you my support as another women that has been through heartache and betrayal. It is a scarry time for you right now, and justifiably so. It's hard to hear it will get better, and it does; for now tell yourself' People that know You... and care about You !!will not have believed anything that they were told, if they did believe it; you will not need them in your life going forward. I am so sorry I have to leave the board for this evening. I will be happy to chat with you if you would like. Your feelings are Important... Value them as well as yourself. babblej |
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glory
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Hi Hurt, Welcome to the site. I hope you find some comfort here. 3 weeks is not enough time for you to have made any decisions. I think, you must stop worrying about him and start worrying about yourself and the kids. He is an adult, & should be left to grow up and handle his own problems. May I ask, if he is living where you grew up, why are you 5 hours away? Also, who are these people you are so afraid will have a low opinion of you? You are stronger than you think, Hurt, best of luck. Love Gloria glory
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damselndistress
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All I can say is this is my worst nightmare. It is what I have feared for the past 7 years. I don't have any solution for you, I wish I did, but I am so sorry that this has happened. I feel there is a chance your husband will return to you, but I am not sure. Please keep talking to us and be strong for yourself and your children. Things will work out for you either way it will just take time. |
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jennipurr
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hurting- i'm so sorry you're going through this. it must be so frustrating to have this "friend" messing with your husband's head. is your hubby close to his family? is there anyone else you can talk to about this that your husband trusts? you need to focus on yourself and your kids right now, but i know how hard that would be for me. good luck with everything. i know 3 weeks probably seems like forever, but it really hasn't been that long. if he has some time, maybe he'll realize he should be at home with his family. if he doesn't come to this realization on his own, maybe you'd be better off living apart anyway. like my mom says, don't borrow trouble, she means don't get upset about things until they actually happen, you may be getting upset for nothing. |
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chelseasmom
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You sure are trying to handle a big mess. I have a daughter who is being misled by her friend into thinking thatt her parents are trying to control her. She has fled in a rage after stopping her meds. All I can think of that might work for you is to be calm and patient. Tell him you still love him, you forgive him and you and your kids need him. I'd try to stay in contact,by writing if necessary, be patient and ride out the storm. If he has a job, you may be able to leave word or a letter with them. When he does come back, make sure you have some ground rules in place about spending and his whereabouts, etc. It may take a long time, but I feel it will work for you. My point is - we are not going to feel any better than we require of ourselves. If we let ourselves be governed by the moods of others, (especially loved ones), expect and allow general bad behavior to control, we are doomed to repeating these things over and over and over as each change in mood drags us around. Then we are always going to be stuck living with both lack of self-esteem and feelings of hopelessness, as well as living with the consequences. Above all,take care of yourself and your kids. Damn the rest of them. They will see the light soon enough. We all cry. There is lots of support here for you. Take as much as you need. |
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blee
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wow I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. For a moment I thought I was reading my own story sort of. My husband is going threw his depression stage or whatever , This is new to me him being bipolar,last week he slams me with I don't love you anymore ,your unifectionate,unloving and we are not compatible. at first I thought it was his depresstion, but he no longer talks ,looks,or touches me ,and oh yea he sleeps on the couch. He told my daughter te same story ,but said I won't leave your mother b/c of you kids ,but we will only be friends, So my heart goes out to you, and I do hope things will get better , If you ever need an ear I'm here!!!!!
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glory
Posts: 2662
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blee,is he on his meds?? If he is and has done this, If I were you I'd get a divorce lawyer first thing in the am........ Gloria glory |
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damselndistress
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This is typical behavior Blee don't worry too much My husband has cycled through at least 100 episodes of believing I am the cause of his problem and threatening divorce. |
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blee
Posts: 15
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Thanks for the advise how do you do it , I am a basket case and I know i.m not helping at all . |
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