Remind me to be patient

It is GREAT that she is home, and no longer manic, paranoid or delusional! She is a delight to be around, is active in our family life, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and generally being a regular member of the household. At times I don't even think she is depressed, but I know she is. Her affect can be a bit flat at times and I describe her as being in a very small world right now that mainly consists of our children, me and our home. I am eager for the day when she opens up her world, especially looking forward to the day when she reaches out to her parents, siblings and few friends who were unbelievably supportive of me during her manic days. They are all very patient, and say they will wait until she reaches out.

One thing I am really looking forward to is the day when she opens up and is able to initiate intimacy in our relationship. Don't get me wrong, when I hug her, she hugs back, and I can tell it is genuine. Same thing when I tell her I love her, she responds with a convincing I love you. I am 100% certain that she means it, and she makes sure I am. When we have sex she seems totally interested and eager to participate. All in all, things are really great, considering where we were at a few months ago.

But sometimes I feel like I need her to initiate the hug, or the "I love you's", or the sex. I know I need to be patient and it's not that she doesn't love me or want to hug me, or have sex with me, but she just can't in her current depressive state. I talked to my counseler on Wednesday, and she says there is nothing wrong with wanting and needing her to initiate these intimacy's, but I DO need to be patient, and that in time these things will hopefully return.

I have talked to Karen about my feelings and she totally understands and says she will try to be more intimate. Sure enough, the day after I talked to her about it, she greeted me when I got home from work with a HUGE hug, and wow, did that feel good!

I think I just need to be told to be thankful for the progress she has made and the fact that I have my one and only love back and that these changes take time.

Paul

Sounds like things are going pretty well for you. With my husband, I know it took a little while to get back to completely where I wanted. I think at least part of it was that he felt embarrassed for all he had put us through, although I never blamed him. If she is depressed, she may not feel completely worthy of your love. Just keep doing what you're doing - reaching out to her, complimenting her and reassuring her that you still love her. It's such a good thing that you are talking with her counselor! And BE PATIENT!

hugs,

Terri

So Please be patient even though I know it is so difficult. I think it will be a wonderful ending for both of you!!!!!

Good luck!!!!

Thanks for the reminder, and sorry, I wouldn't trade places for anything. I am truely one of the lucky ones.

I read your post about what's going on with your husband and, trust me, I know how difficult it can be. Sorry to hear what you're going through. I know how hopeless if can seem. I don't want you to think it always turns out for the best, but there are success stories for BP's and thier families. Try concentrating on youself and your kids, you are the only stability in their lives right now.

Keep us posted on how thing are going.

Paul

It sounds like your wife is doing great, and that is truly wonderful to hear. If she was psychotically manic this winter, the fact that she is able to work around the house and take care of the kids and your needs as well is just phenomenal, truly. It sounds like you really appreciate what a good job she is doing and that the two of you have a happy and loving relationship. Here's something to help keep it in perspective: after my last psychotic manic episode, I didn't get off the couch except to do things I absolutely HAD to, like visiting my grandparents in the hospital and going to my sister's graduation, for almost four months. After that, I held a full time job for exactly ten days. Back to the couch. Finally I got a part-time job and was able to hold it, but even then, I was having a really hard time relating to people around me and meeting the needs of my son and my brother who depends on me. It took me almost two whole years to get to the point that I could anticipate other's needs and show affection in that way. So truly and fully believe what a good job she is doing, and like I said, it sounds as if you really do appreciate all her efforts. Maybe hearing it from someone who's been there will help remind you to be patient. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family...

Somehow I missed your reply on this post. Thanks for the great insight. It's good for me to understand and realize the experiences of other bipolars. Karen's affect is still alittle flat, but her world is growing larger by the week. It's GREAT to have her home with me and the kids, where she is basically her old self.

Hope all is well with you.

Paul