Bipolar in the family Support Group

Well I knew the end was near but now I know for sure. My hubby and I have talked everything through and we are parting separate ways. I am very proud of my bp husband because he is strong, doesnt want to hurt me and the kids anymore yet we love each other so much. He knows the medicine has helped him with his bp but when it comes to having any emotion, it has taken it all away and he is not the same man I fell in love with. My heart aches so bad as I pack up all our belongings this weekend. I have found a place to rent and have close friends near by. The children are doing ok and I have them away with his parents at the cottage and they are all being very supportive.. go figure , now they can be supportive but when it comes to their son having bp, they would never help me.

I have never been on my own and Im scared to death but I know in my heart this is the right thing, just hurts so bad....

How do you say good-bye to someone you love so much yet because of a stupid condition we can't be together..life is not fair...

I will only get stronger I know but this process is so stressful.

We are going to go bankrupt due to all the debt of course so knowing I will be debt free will help a lot.

I feel strong one minute and then so guilty the next yet I have done everything humanly possible to help him.

Loving someone and letting them go is so much harder than if I hated him but I can't..

I'm so sorry things are turning out this way. It will probably be good to get a fresh start, though. I hope you will be able to remain friends. Your children need to have a safe place.

Just wondering, how long has he been on the meds and what are they? My husband was on depakote for a while, and he lost all emotions, was very "flat". He became more himself when they changed the meds. I know it's probably too late to go back, but he might want to talk about it with his doctor.

Well he is on lamotragine and cipralex and he has tried many many drugs but they only last a short time.. this is a big part of the problem because changing meds is something he has a really hard time dealing with so he choses not to keep trying. As for being friends, definately we are.. and that is what is keeping me strong because I may have lost my husband but I do have him as a friend and I never want to lost that.

Thanks for the kind words...

Clemenca - My heart truly aches for you. The words of letting go of someone you love because of a stupid condition - hits home with me. I know a few weeks ago I felt so cheated by this disease. My sitution has taken a turn for the positive, as he is going to try meds and treatment; but, there is no guarantee the treatment will work. I know in my heart if it doesn't it will be the end of the road for us. I know I cannot live this way forever; and prior to him agreeing to seek treatment I was preparing myself for the release. So many have said it would be easier to lose them to death, than to this disease. I understand those sentiments. My tag line tells you the mindset I was in when I chose it and I haven't changed it yet, because reality is it still may come to pass. In the book "Loving Someone with Bipolar" it speaks to us of the reality that with all the meds and treatment, sometimes the illness is just too strong. Doesn't mean you did anything wrong, doesn't mean you didn't try all that you could; it simply means the disease is stronger than the ability to treat it.

It is a loss and no way to deny it. But it sounds as if you are blessed in the ability to have a fresh start, end the marriage relationship on an understanding and (for lack of better word) positive note; and maintain a friendship. You should take comfort in those blessings, so many who do not make it typically end during a manic rage and the hurtful bitterness is all that is remembered - preventing any type of relationship moving forward.

I wish for you all the strength to get through the next phase and a prayer for a fresh start on a healthy blissful future for you and your kids. You have earned it and deserve it.

clemenca , I am so sorry you are hurting . You will wavier between being strong and feeling wounded for a while in time you will see that you did the best you could . Try to surround yourself with friends as you have . Goodluck to you we are here for you .

clemenca, I swear that your post could've been written by me - so I know what you're going through. The only difference is that my husband is angry with me and blames everything on me so we're not friends. I know that it feels terrible to be losing someone you love. I also know how it feels to miss your husband even though he's right in front of you - but he's not the same person you married. I've been through days where I feel empowered which alternate with days of pain, hurt, loss.... It's terrible but in my heart I know that I'll be better off in the long run and it sounds like you will, too.

I feel like I'm grieving the loss of my husband because the person I married is gone and I don't think he'll ever return. It's so painful because physically the people we love are right in front of us, but that seems to be where the likeness ends.

Hang in there and be strong because you CAN do this. There is nothing you could do to help your husband, he can only help himself and I believe in my husband's case that he would help himself if he could and if he truly knew how me and my kids were hurting he'd do anything - if only he weren't sick, but he is.

It's tough, I know it. I'm living through it just like you. Life isn't fair sometimes. I always thought my husband was the love of my life and that I'd grow old with him and now I don't even know who he has become. It stinks... but carry on and be strong for your kids and for yourself. Good things are on the other side of the hurt. You're still experiencing the darkness before the dawn... but the dawn is coming. Just try to remember that better days are ahead. Hugs to you

Wow it is sad that it feels good that someone really understands how I am feeling. I am so sorry for you and your children as we do know the pain. Today I was weak until he walked through the door and had one of his moods after a night of drinking. It seems to make packing much better when your angry inside..

I do believe things will get better and they already are cause I am doing it and I have so many supporters and it feels amazing.. Once I get out of the house I will be much better, this is the hardest part going through memories yet I know I am healing as I do it..

Im only 41 and I have a lot more life to give....

You hang in there too and feel free to talk to me, I am a good listener.....

I will be away for the next few days getting some paper work done but will be back thursday...

Be strong and take care...

Hugs to you and you children....

Clemenca - someday you will want the release of peace and forgiveness, but until then motivation is motivation. I couldn't help but laugh when you said "packing is easier when you are angry". I remember once thinking while mine was on the run; if he would/could call once a day and be his typical mean spirited self I could move on so much easier LOL! It was AMAZING how motivated I become when he was/is in a mood. In one weekend, I had cleaned the entire house, replaced a broken faucet, stripped windows and beds, flipped mattresses, baked a cake from scratch, full course meals, did the bills, the laundry, grocery shopping for the next two weeks with meals planned, reorganized cabinets and kids rooms; then headed outdoors to the yard

You are going to do great! Just keep your eye on the new door opening!

Best wishes.

Post edited by: vertigo, at: 02/04/2012 03:10 PM

Vertigo, your post forces me to also continue in a theme of hope. There have been many times in the years with my wife that I could have rightfully thrown in the towel and gone out on my own. But hope always got in the way. Hope for better times, some how, some way. Not hope that it would or ever could be as it was in the beginning, for we humans will change, illness or no. I've learned that's one unchangeable thing in life, change happens. But hope for peace and happiness is not out of the question, that's what I long for. And with that longing I will take issue with death taking away hope. As one who believes in eternity with my Maker I hope for - I long for, that time that all the tears, pain and illness will be taken away. THAT is what I truly look forward to, for our time on earth is short compared to what forever brings.