Bipolar in the family Support Group

Well first I want to thank everyone for all the advice, it really does help to know that what I am feeling IS normal under the circumstances rather than being told its all me...

I went away this weekend to my girlfriends and had a great time, she had friends over and it really made me see what I am missing just socializing with others. I was listened to and admired and I haven't felt that in a very long time....

My bp husband really doesnt want to help himself all that he can and I really don't think I can continue pretending anymore.. There has been no sex in over 2 years for me as he claims its the medication, sure enought I understand it can have effects but he wont go to the dr to try anything. He hasnt touched me , kissed me in so long I forget what it is like just to be held.. Can I remain with someone that truly has no feelings as my children watch this behavior? I don't want my kids to grow up thinking this is normal... I want someone to want me, is that so bad? I am 41 and let my self go so bad but now I have dropped 30 pounds and looking so good and I want a life

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Post edited by: crashdummy, at: 08/11/2009 07:46 AM

clemenca , For each one of us it is a personal decision. As to how long we are able to be with that person we love so much . I agree it is nice to get out do things and forget what it is like until you do so. I wish you well and we are here . Keep posting .

Thanks Yes he is on antidepressants and I understand that but just because he doesn't have the ability to have sex doesn;t mean he just forgets about my needs all together, that to me is very selfish..

As for finishing one relationship and starting another, omg that is definately the last thing I would even consider, first and formost it is my children. I have a 9 year old son and a 17 year old daughter that has so much anger towards him now she wants to leave home.... I cant let her do that when she isn;t doing anything wrong.. she is such a good teenage girl and she doesnt deserve this either... As for my boy, that will be the hard one, yet he knows dad is angry and snappy most of the time, its like walking on egg shells when he is here so I never want to be home anymore,, It really hurts but the man I married is long gone..My biggest fear is the threat he will hurt himself only because his uncle had bp and committed suicide when his wife finally left.. bp runs in his family but no one ever said anything cause they never did anything about it, denial and to proud for others to know and of course they blame all the wrong people for his death.. This is such a sad condition and I feel helpless now.. I cant find the strength to help anymore... and for that I feel guilty but I just can;t..

thanks for all the advice....

clemenca , For me i think about it this way as my bf one said if he did do that what you mentioned suicide that it is a personal . I am thinking personal wth yes i feel that it is very selfish.. yes personal for him but not the others that are left with the pain it is personal to them . Anyhow i know in my heart if that were to happen i did all i could for him . spoke with his family when i could not be there when things were bad . they were not much help either . also obtained his meds when he could not afford them . spend countless night online with him online all hours of the day and night and then worked the next day. Made many trips to see him which is 246 miles away from here , So i did all i could .I wan to also say i did not imply to end one relationship or start another . I said that it was good to get out with friends and all

Post edited by: grafxbydiane, at: 08/10/2009 10:10 AM

I can relate to your situation on so many levels. I too am near the end, I can't see a way for things to work out anymore. My husband wont seek help and is in denial that he has a problem, he is gone more than he's home and when he's here he's gone emotionally and mentally. Although sex is'nt gone completely, but is few and far between and is void of any emotion or intimacy, it has become purely physical, leaving me feeling more empty inside. It makes me feel unloved, unattractive and kills any confidence I might have in myself as a woman. I too long to have a relationship filled with love and desire, but like you I will never go outside of the marriage to find these things no matter what. I have to much respect for myself, my children and even my marriage. I will leave before I do that. It is my belief that a relationship is supposed to make your life better and that person is supposed to enhance your life, not tear you down and make you feel empty and not wanted, and for this reason ending the relationship is becoming more and more of an option. I have lost all hope after 3 years of watching the decline of us. I am starting to believe that this is how it's going to be for the rest of my life and I cannot live like this, it's impossible.

I love being with my friend's and children because they make me feel good about myself, and make me laugh. Let me say that my husband doe'nt put me down or anything like that, but his lack of desire for me and his neglect are as bad as if he said I don't love or want you.

I can't give you any advice on whether to keep trying or leave because I myself have'nt figured that one out, but I can tell you keep surrounding your self with those that love you and make you laugh and feel good about yourself. It's the only way to get through all this. Stay strong.

Post edited by: crashdummy, at: 08/11/2009 07:47 AM

your not bringing me down, your bringing me insight.

it is amazing to me that you can actually admit to your inappropriate behavior and have some feelings of regret... I only wish my husband did but he doesnt, its all me...

It is interesting to see how someone with bp actually thinks... my hubby wont discuss any of it..

Post edited by: crashdummy, at: 08/11/2009 07:47 AM