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04/13/2008 04:42 AM

How can I help her?(page 3)

Debbie44
 
Posts: 19
Member

Pat, I had the exact same thing happen with my daughter and her cell phone a few years ago except hers was almost $300. She said "oh well, I have other bills, I'm not paying it" and she never did.I still pay for her phone now even though she's 24 cause her and the boyfriend don't have the money and I want to make sure she has something in case of an emergency but now she actually will pay for the bill if it goes over. She's not on med's yet and I don't know what happened but I'll take it!
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04/13/2008 04:50 AM
TerriTee
TerriTee  
Posts: 3989
VIP Member

Debbie, I'm so glad you got to see your granddaughter! I know you have been missing and worrying about her. Did she seem alright? Sounds like your daughter is being a little childish, with staying in the car and sending the pictures to spite you, but at least she brought her to visit.

Pat, please don't lose hope! You have done the right thing with your son. Bipolar disorder does not release him from all responsibility, at least not if he wants to lead a good life. It's a shame that he can run to people who don't understand the importance of him accepting a seeking help. Don't they see how it ruined your husband's life? I'm hoping your son will realize that he needs to get some help.

Sending you both giant hugs as you deal with this!

Terri


04/14/2008 05:19 AM
WARHORSE
WARHORSE  
Posts: 5057
VIP Member

Debbie: Please take those pictures and put them somewhere where you don't have to look at them everyday, but PLEASE don't destroy them or send them back--it will only hurt your granddaughter. I know that it is practically impossible, but please try not to take anything your daughter says or does personally. It is the disease speaking out. She MUST get on meds, and sounds from your previous posts like she will before the end of the month. So very, VERY glad you got to see the granddaughter.

04/14/2008 05:40 AM
Debbie44
 
Posts: 19
Member

Thanks warhorse. Thats exactly what I did. I was able to have my granddaughter overnight. It's amazing how children can teach us adults things. I put the pictures away and realized that no matter how my daughter may treat me that I need to be strong for my granddaughter, she needs me.

04/14/2008 05:39 PM
pat17
pat17Posts: 25
Member

Terri,

That is the most frustrating part about his family! What part of "you dropped the ball years ago" don't they get?Two years ago he was going to school, sleeping at night and working at Wendy's.

I HAD him help...I HAD him on meds....then his dad said NO WAY and came and got him...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

the understanding that I get on this forum is just fantastic! Thanks to ALL of you...

(not like I am going anywhere though LOL)


04/14/2008 06:53 PM
Debbie44
 
Posts: 19
Member

Pat,

Today is a good day for me. Even though I miss my daughter terribly, I'm feeling pretty strong today. Now tommorrow may be different ha ha But I wanted to share something with you. For almost 12 years I told people that something wasn't right with my daughter. I had no idea what it was. I didn't know if she was on drugs or what it was but I knew something wasn't right. During the "terrible teen" years things just got worse. She became physically abusive to me. I had to call the police out several times. I had her to several different counselors. And guess what? The outcome was always the same. It was my fault. On one occasion she was threatening suicide and locked me out of her room. I was scared to death. When I finally got in, I took her door off so I could make sure she was safe. When the police came out that day, they said it was my fault and I was ordered to put the door back on. My point here is that as mothers, we know in our hearts when something is wrong with our children, no matter what others may say. Sure, I questioned myself when it seemed that everyone blamed me, but deep down I knew better. I'm not trying to get all religious here but it came to a point where all I could do was pray. No one beleived me that she had the problem. Now, one day years later, my daughter was watching a talk show about bipolar and guess what? She actually admitted that she has a problem and asked me to help her find help. (our latest blow up happened after the appt. was made and before she saw the doc) I made the call and got the information and she scheduled a appointment. Right now sometimes it seems like it has backfired on me cause the doctor has told her to stay away from me at least until she gets on some med's. And it hurts like crazy not being able to talk to her or see her. But I'm trying to stay positive because this is a start. Hopefully now she will get the help that I tried for years to get for her. I've read that bipolar people have to hit rock bottom before they reach out. I don't know if that's true but I think in my daughters case it is. Now I mean this in a good way here, I hope that my daughter and your son have or will hit rock bottom and get help and then as us mothers always do, we'll be waiting right here when they get better. And hopefully they will see that we are the ones that really cared and loved them and tried to help them and we didn't just condone their behavior like everyone else. Hang in there, we will all get through this together!


04/14/2008 07:18 PM
pat17
pat17Posts: 25
Member

Debbie, I was just reading some old emails when SEAN was starting to have problems ( high school 9th grade) and I saw how many doctors, teachers, guidance people, social workers I consulted for him. I totally agree with you that they have to hit ROCK bottom because no one could help me with him. I really did try my best and HE had to be the one. His last pscy doctor told me (after he refused to speak to her and just sat there)that I did all I could do and now it was up to him. "Throw him out when he is 18" she said.............

I am praying with you too...I will light a candle next to the one I light for SEAN this weekend for your daughter...what is her name?

Hang in there sister........


04/15/2008 06:20 AM
WARHORSE
WARHORSE  
Posts: 5057
VIP Member

Debbie: Generally speaking, it does seem to be true that they have to hit "rock bottom." The other thing I've noticed (though this doesn't apply in your case) is that they tend to get tired of the mood swings when they hit their 40's. That's when my husband woke up and realized that he really had a problem...

04/15/2008 08:58 PM
pat17
pat17Posts: 25
Member

Hi Warhorse.....my ex is still BP and he just isolates now because he has called his dear mother and his wonderful sister whores, B's and cursed them up and down for YEARS that no one wants him around. i think that they are afraid of him. He has a very nice talented newphew who graduated from a very nice college that asked "what is wrong with Uncle ___?" That young man is his ONLY nephew and he has no contact with him at all. They live in the same town. He is filled with jelousy and rage most of the time....sad sad sad...

I have to remember this

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change

The courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference...

It is sad.....very sad


04/15/2008 09:00 PM
pat17
pat17Posts: 25
Member

P.S I was only married to him from 8/1989 till 5/1992.
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