Bipolar in the family Support Group

So I had to see my runaway wife today to get a check from her for some money she owed me. In my mind beforehand, I played out having a real, heart to heart conversation and why I thought that was even possible, I have no clue. She hands me my cordless drill and walks back to her car, not a word. The check was less than I expected and I told her so to which she responded by lashing a little saying "If you don't want it, give it back." I became frustrated and called her a 'wretch' which I instantly felt bad about saying.

Truth is, I have gotten so frustrated at her inability to be honest about her feelings and have a normal conversation, that my frustration is taking over.

On one hand, I know for certain that she is deeply in love with me and does not feel worthy of a good man in her life so seeing me is a painful reminder of what she does not deserve. Yet on the other hand, why must I live my life worrying about her feelings and moods all the time with seemingly no concern for mine or what I am going through? Why is she totally incapable of at least expressing some amount of gratitude for what I have done or anything that might at least show there is some amount of caring on her part for my feelings but for a BP, I guess that is expecting far too much.

Why are we all here on this forum? Why do we love these people who are at times, capable of so much love and emotion yet other times, cannot grasp anything other than the world revolves totally around them and we should all jump through flaming hoops to accommodate their needs and feelings?

SO I am sending her an email apologizing for how I reacted even though she may not deserve that apology, I should do the right thing regardless of her.

Thanks for letting me vent. Have a great day everyone and hope your weekend is 'smashing.'

"it is my disappointment coming through"

Nail/Head

I have so much love for her and as I told her in my apology email, she is the most beautiful when she allows herself to be vulnerable. It is a shame that rarely happens but when it does, it is precious.

Sorry, allow me a brief 'petty' moment but damn, I was looking good when I saw her and she looked like crap! Looks like she hasn't slept in weeks. I know it's petty but I'll take my small consolations where I can get them.

We've all wanted that heart to heart with them. We've all fantasied that the words exchanged would be sooo meaningful that it would change our worlds. But alas, it seems never to be, at least not one-on-one.

I am blessed by the fact that at least I have the opportunity to have the dialog with my wife, albeit with the guidance and direction of the therapist. But at the end of the day will what was said be remembered, or even acknowledged? Especially if it doesn't line up with her POV? See, I've been there and done that and now will go back in for another round...

But at least it's a chance. I pray y'all also get that chance.

Sometimes I desperately want that chance and other times I think I am a fool for wanting it. I would do ANYTHING to be able to go to one therapy session with her, even if we never reconcile again.

This is one of the hardest parts of the whole illness. I've noticed that my BP reacts similarly, especially after he's been ill. I've never really understood why it is, and it hurts when they don't appreciate what we're trying to do for them.

Sympathy coming your way. But, as Susan says, don't beat yourself up. Keep repeating to yourself that it is NOT your fault, it's the illness speaking. Good luck to you.

Or in my case, the illness NOT speaking to me. Ha ha....

But we do and we do and we do even more for them in their illness and it can never be enough and we'll never be given any credit for it. But we'll (I'll) settle for thanks for sticking through it with them. Remember always - It is up to THEM to want to be stable and functional in both life and marriage.

"It is up to THEM to want to be stable and functional in both life and marriage."

My ex is 0 for 2!

Luckily, I have an overall happy demeanor by nature so despite some tough times, overall, my life is good.

Good to hear. That happy demeanor is a life saver and will get you through this. Good luck!