MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
07/29/2009 10:09 AM

Simply having a bad day...

CarnivaleLife
CarnivaleLife  
Posts: 154
Member

Hi everyone,

Today is a really tough day for me. I haven't seen my SO since last Thursday. We've communicated only via txt message. He hasn't shown any interest in activities that we find enjoyable, and has come across as judgmental. One day he says he's not feeling like doing anything, the next day he is a chatterbox in the txts. He won't talk to me about what's going on, rather pretends everything is fine. But I know that when I last saw him he was hyped up really bad... driving erratically, running stop signs, overly chatty, etc. I suppose he may be rapid cycling, but who knows? His cycles are pretty predictable based on the time of year. And every year around this time, this happens. It seems that just when things are going well for us everything falls apart. And that is the story of my life for the past five years. If I didn't love him more than life itself I would just walk away. But the fact remains that the sun rises and sets in his eyes. It's such a pressing conundrum. I fear he's straying again. I don't even want to think about it, but it is what I fear. Why can't I be enough? Why do we have to go through this? Oh, I'm so sad right now. Hope everyone is having a better day than I am.

Carni

Reply

07/29/2009 10:57 AM
TrueBlue
TrueBluePosts: 46
Member

Hey Carni, my friend! Fancy meeting you here after so long. Looks like we are in this thing together, and for the long haul. We need each other, and others who are in this helping their SO, for moral support, and advice and encourgement. So...one for all and all for one? It's tough battle, need I say more? <3

07/29/2009 11:07 AM
CarnivaleLife
CarnivaleLife  
Posts: 154
Member

I'm so glad to see you, True... I needed that. I'm just so down today. Ugh! I can't STAND this illnessSad.

07/29/2009 11:17 AM
heartbreaks2009
 
Posts: 312
Member

Im so sorrySad

I have been going through similar with my husband for the last 4 years. I just didnt know he was bipolar until he became manic/psychotic in january/february.

The roller coaster ride sucks, doesnt it.


07/29/2009 11:21 AM
sallyo
sallyoPosts: 3684
Senior Member

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I do know what you mean, and yes, the roller coaster ride sucks big time.

07/29/2009 11:24 AM
TrueBlue
TrueBluePosts: 46
Member

No KIDDING!!! It SUCKS, for lack of a better word. Things were going well, for so long, and now it's the 'ole disappearing act, again. He did, however, "warn" me he was in a "mood", this time, and that is a start for him. That is because I told him last time that if he did that again that I would have to let him go.... for good. The thing is, I know that he has lost quite a few friends recently, do to this illness, so that has got him down. Of course that is understandable as it doesn't take too long for people to get to know the "real" him. Oh well, you've got my support there, Carni. Glad that we are reconnected. Keep in touch dear friend!! Smile

07/29/2009 12:01 PM
CarnivaleLife
CarnivaleLife  
Posts: 154
Member

Thanks for all the support, y'all... it means a lot. Another thread mentioned how we use music to cope, and I've had 'Drive' by The Cars running around in my head all day.

Who's gonna tell you when

It's too late

Who's gonna tell you things

Aren't so great

You can't go on

Thinking nothing's wrong

Who's gonna drive you home tonight

Who's gonna pick you up

When you fall

Who's gonna hang it up

When you call

Who's gonna pay attention

To your dreams

Who's gonna plug their ears

When you scream

You can't go on

Thinking nothing's wrong

Who's gonna drive you home tonight

Who's gonna hold you down

When you shake

Who's gonna come around

When you break

You can't go on

Thinking nothing's wrong

Who's gonna drive you home tonight

I can't let myself slip into depression... it's happened before, but I'm going to fight it this time!


07/29/2009 12:03 PM
indice
indicePosts: 234
Member

Carny, I absolutely feel your pain. Everyone, we're all we have left.

I thought, like always, mine would be back in contact by about June 8-13. Oh, hell no. 64 days post-explosion, 39 days zero contact. But she's also 100% Borderline and has the static Avoidant disorder.

Another mentalhealth page had this to say:

"Manic episodes usually begin abruptly and last for between 2 weeks and 4-5 months (median duration about 4 months)."

"Untreated mixed (manic+depressive) episodes usually last 17 weeks." bonus info:

"Women with bipolar disorder lose, on average, 9 years in life expectancy, 14 years of lost productivity and 12 years of normal health."

My SO had 2-to-3-week episodes in May/June 2006,2007,2008. This 2009 one, however, just might just be The Big One, ya think? Which would place recovery at about September 22.

I obnoxiously quote myself from one of these darn diary posts I can't ever get finished: "Deity-maternalfigure-expletive-deity. She's Just Fine. I would even hand out free super glue at a children's carnival if I thought I could get her to finally contact me again. (Think about it for a while) (okay, stop laughing)"


07/29/2009 12:38 PM
sc4070
 
Posts: 1217
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Thanks for the laugh Indice! That is CLASSIC - PURE EVIL - as a mom I would have cursed the man for a lifetime who gave superglue to my kids.... hell, I cursed the mother who secretly handed off crayons to my 3 year old in his room. That was 23 years ago and I still remember the moment.

I know the manic disappearance is normal - my fear is that his is being fed by family which leaves me believing it is not going to turnaround. The family has had packages of complete history, information and a plea for help for 3 days now and they haven't even attempted to reach out.

Maybe avoidance, denial, and unwillingness to communicate just runs in the family. Sigh....

To have at least had his family reach back & give me reassurance that I know someone is watching out for him and helping along the way with the right knowledge and intentions would place my mind at ease.... Not bring him back, but not leave me in the complete unknown of the future.

Unfotunately all it has done is just put me further into the dark abyiss of frustration of this disease and those unwilling to accept.


07/29/2009 01:31 PM
TrueBlue
TrueBluePosts: 46
Member

If I would have known then what I know now, I don't think that I would be here commenting at this moment. Actually, come to think of it, I should have not let him back in my life the first time he said "Goodbye". But, they know how to turn on that charm and win you back................every time!!
Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 1 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved