Bipolar in the family Support Group

I don't know how much longer I can take it. I don't know how to handle it or what to do. I'm trying so hard to understand what and why this is going on. My husband is such a liar. He's full of empty promises and I'm so sick of it. He promised me that he would fix things in my home that need to be fixed. And again it's not. He felt like sleeping. He keeps saying it's the bipolar, its the bipolar. I was ready to explode at him that I'm sick of hearing it's the bipolar. Why does he keep making excuses? I have high blood pressure and heart palpitations do I keep throwing that in his face. One time I made the mistake of telling him that he was the cause of all this. Yeah, of course it was turned around and I was the bad person for saying this to him and I'm such a bitch and so on. For those of us who live with someone with bipolar could understand that according to them we are the bad people. UGH!!! UGH!!! UGH!!! Therapy isn't working at all. I just want to crawl into a corner and cry!! He's so hurtful. I used to be strong but now I'm not. He's destroyed that in me. I want my life back but he's had taken my life and has brought so much trouble and debt that I'll never recover. I already work two jobs and can't keep it straight. I need help!!! I'm begging for help!!!

Hi AMW, sending you big hugs! I can relate to your frustration. For me, learning more about BP has been such a huge help and reminded me that this is her issue (my wife) and has nothing to do with me. I think the thing you need to start doing is setting clear boundaries and sticking to them, something that we all struggle with when dealing with our BP loved ones. Maybe start small. Pick something that is of concern to you and set the line. If the line is crossed, don't discuss it, just say "you crossed the line" and leave. Leave for an hour or a day, up to you. BP is simply an evil disease but it is no excuse to misbehave or to treat loved ones with anything but care.

Are you involved with the therapy at all? If so, perhaps it could be brought up that his accomplishing things around the house could be therapeutic for him, giving him a sense of worth rather than him hiding under the covers.

And you need to make sure you are taking care of yourself most of all! Since therapy for his illness is available I'd assume it is there for you alone too. Take advantage of it. Don't be drawn into his illness.

amwarner71 , Unfortunately being bipolar is not an excuse to stay in bed all the time or blame it on that . You really need to say to him what is acceptable to you . whether it is taking meds everyday and therapy or whatever that is for you .

Hi AMW - HUGE HUGS & Prayers -

I completely understand where you are at & can relate. I ended up in the Dr's office a week ago today. My appointment was originally for chest pains, difficulty breathing, and palpations. Funny how the night before, my world came crashing in (timing is everything).

I got a chest x-ray which was clean and then threw complete tears and a breakdown - a prescription for meds 3 x's a day for stress and sleeping pills. IT IS STRESS! And it is not you, it is the BP. When under emotional stress we don't think clearly or react in always the best manner. I realized I lost me in helping him. I lost my strength in his weaknesses. I lost my resilience in his constant battling.

I wrote a post my first day on the site called "my husband is bipolar but I need meds and treatment". Little did I know how true that statement would become. I talked in it about losing myself. I was in complete despair. Since that day, between a good counselor for me, theraputic writing and the help and warmth of the people I have met on this site - I am in a much better place.

It hasn't healed all the wounds, or solved all my problems - but my outlook is brighter, I feel stronger and every day feel as if things are getting better. My BP is on the run - full mania - so my house is calm. But for 11 years it wasn't. Working with a counselor in how best to approach a situation, knowing which battles you will/should fight, and how to take care of you in the process will go a long way in helping you deal with your situation and helping him with HIS disorder.

You won't always be able to control your BP, but you can learn how to control how you respond and cope. Also, read my thought for a Saturday, it was my positivie affirmation to myself, that I would no longer succumb to this disease. I hope you will maybe find some solace in knowing you are not alone.

I pray for you and hope you find inner-strength.

SUSAN: You should write a book, You have an amazing way with words!

For a long time my life was much like yours. My husband and I would fight constantly to the point where I didn't even want to come home from work because I knew no matter what I did or said we would fight. He also used to tell me that it was part of whatever was wrong with him (we did not know that he had bipolar at this time). It finally came to the breaking point and I told him very clearly that he needed to get help, help that I could not provide for him. He checked himself into the hospital the very next day and remained there for almost a week. That week was the turning point in our lives. He was finally able to see that his words and actions were destroying our marriage along with hurting our children. I know it is hard to stand by someone who seems to constanly lash out at you but I have learned that walking away will not solve the problem but only make it worse. It has taken time on both of our parts and lots of research on my part to learn how to cope with a loved on having bipolar. The best advice that I can give you is tell them you love them and but you do NOT love or like the way you are being treated and that noone deserves to be treated that way and then take a walk, get away for a little while to clear your head and breath and relax and know that it is the disease not the person that is talking at that time. Trust me I know it is hard but if your marriage is something that you believe in I would suggest taking the break you need and walking away for a while. I would also try to get your husband into an inpatient treatment facility and see if they can level his medication so that he can be the person you married instead of the person that has been taken over by the illness. I hope this helps. Good luck!

Yeah Susan, maybe if you could get his medication in “dart” form, just think of how satisfying playing sniper could be and shoot him with it! (Oh well if you mistakenly hit the sister and 10 bonus points if you hit him in the ass!) Then as a hobby you could take up heifer roping, so you could be proficient and practiced to aptly rope him around the neck then quickly jump down and hog tie him - drag him into the back of that truck of his and then haul him to the out-patient facility of your choice . . . Nawwww you’d probably have to have something stronger than just his meds in that dart.

I may have just given up and adhered to the old but true adage - if you can’t beat them, join them, but could the above scenario lol twisted dream sequence be any more fantastical than what we’ve all tried one time or another? And no matter how you’ve bent over backwards to kiss your own ass in an attempt to help, support or just break even, how many times does it get thrown back into you face, screamed at you and make you the fault for his illness? When does a self-preservation instinct come into play? And, couldn’t some of that accepting everybody keeps talking about possibly include: This is who he is, because it’s his choice to get better or not, and he chooses not to?

RINGO - you are CLASSIC!!! I have couple of bb guns, a paint ball gun and possibly a couple of others (all locked up with me holding the only keys of course).

I would give nothing to hit him with a daily dart gun - they are in deep south GA so it may actually be appreciated LOL!!!

I wonder if there is a special season for that type of game, licensed required uhmmm! The mania is definately seasonal as well as triggered so.... maybe????

Sometimes laughter is the absolute best medicine! But it couldn't be too strong he is a BIG GUY!!! In hunter terms it equal a full rack 12 point!!!!

LOL!! I have often thought of doing the same with a blow gun. Just something satisfying about blowing into a tube and hitting her in the neck with meds. Or tranquilizers...or...