Bipolar in the family Support Group

For over a month now I've learned about the lies that go hand-in-hand with bp. My husband has admitted to me a lot of the lies but I just keep uncovering more. I had major trust issues with my past relationship and me never not trusting him never crossed my mind. I feel very nieve and lost. I asked him about a lie and he blew up saying that I told him I'd be supportive but now I am becoming one of "them." Them being those who left him in his life due to the illness. I'm not leaving but it is eating me inside and he has already made us broke once, I just can't go through that again. He has just started treatment with new meds (Lamictal & Fluoxetine), I'm just scared! I don't want to fight with him over little things but one lie turns into another and into a bigger one. We have a few great days and then the shit hits the fan. He just keeps screaming I don't understand. He is right I don't fully understand and offered to go to therapy with him anything to make us better for our family. I thank god my son (8 months) is too small to really understand what is going on. How do you deal with the lies? TIA

Good question Tazz . . . I’ve yet to discover that coping skill secret either. And then of course, if you question what you’ve trusted to be reality, due to overwhelming evidence that he’s been busy, busy constructing a web of lies, you get the preferred and well used: Distraction Tactic, which is a subheading under constantly used: Manipulation Tactics - “You don’t understand you’re just like everyone else!”

Yeah, I’m right with you there! I’ve come to the conclusion that evidently I don’t understand, because I expect there to be truth in honesty. But then, I’m just “weird” like that and an ‘insecure freak” for having the gall to demand that ever so illusive - truth in realtime reality.

Best I’ve been able to come up with is their perceptions are so off that they believe half of their lies, they like their lies/delusions better than the truth of reality, and especially love it when you believe them. I keep circling around the word reality, because there is more than one reality when dealing with someone with bipolar. I’ll be looking forward to reading the response to this thread. Whatever the response may be, you’re definitely not alone in this confusion. I wish you peace.

What ringo said. twice.

tazz0823 , As you say when you try to confront him about the lies he turns on you with the manipulation with i thought you were going to support me bit .As you say the saving grace that your child is young right now but he will come to understand fully someday . So that will be hard for your child . I hopefully your husband will become more stable as he is on the meds longer and keeps with the meds and therapy. Meantime do things for you such as outings and therapy it is very important that you do not burn out as well .

Compulsive lying is a problem. I don't, however, know if I can offer up any advice as to how to deal with it. I guess the best I can say is that I always sense it when mine is lying to me. They typically make very little logical sense and I can call that out in a snap. Lies happen more often when he's being avoidant I think. Maybe if you can pinpoint the times he lies to you? That may help you cope.

Learn how to spot liars.

The methods of lying, and the methods liars cover up lies.

Your loved one might be the most intelligent person you've ever known, but The Illness is simple, stupid, and evil.

It's easier than you'd think to spot, once you know what all to look for... The real issue is when to call them out or allow them to lie.

One book said that the little lies are best left alone, as 'calling them out' is a potential trigger... and more bad behavior...

I certainly let a LOT of the little lies slide in my time.

So it's in this case... yes, I'm going to say it... like parenting an arrogant, precocious teenager.

And if you treat The Illness as such, you might find a method of both knowing the truth and keeping the peace with your loved one.

lmao Why not have them jot down their lies? It'd at least give them some time to come up with something creative.OH and by the way, I know way off topic, but has anyone ever noticed a difference in their handwriting and spelling? JEEZ!

Thanks everyone for the responses! It is just good to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way or dealing with this. I do talk to my mom about this but she has no idea about bp and most of the time annoys me with the things she says, like well is he fibbing.. I just don't need to hear that! Right now I need to let the small stuff roll off my back because he is starting the new meds and his body is having a hard time adjusting. But sometimes I feel like I'm in a nightmare.

A nightmare, my feelings exactly.

tazz0823 , Also too he should not get a free pass when confronted with lies . whether his has an illness or not .