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Bipolar Family Community Bipolar Family Support Forums General & Support Why am I always to blame?
 

Why am I always to blame?


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03/20/2008 15:38
agravitt
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 My husband took our girls fishing today. I was really hopeful because we talked the night before about giving him all the responsiblity instead of me micromanaging everything like I tend to do. We even discussed things like "what if you forget to give our daughter her (ADHD) medicine"? That's when my bipolar husband said," I will have to deal with the consequences". I realized I don't have to try to prevent every little problem. How exciting! I was feeling so good about everything, then when he got home it was suddenly my fault the kids wore shorts and flip flops (it was cool and windy) and one of our girls had an accident in the truck. So now, because I had told our oldest daughter to bring "fishing clothes" (which as a 10 year old meant shorts and flip flops) I was not letting him parent and "Yes! It is your fault!" He then tried to take that back but I could tell by his tone and body language he still felt I was responsible for whatever went wrong that day. I had no idea what the girls even wore! I stayed in bed (as asked) while they got out the door this morning. It really hurts my feelings that I am blamed no matter what! Is this bipolar? I am really confused and bewildered. This is what happens so much, I feel good and hopeful and then am ambushed and don't know how to act or to feel towards him. All I know is that it isn't my fault! Any words of advice or clarity would be helpful.. Thanks!
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03/20/2008 15:47
glory
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 Is your husband seeing a psychiatrist, & a therapist, and taking his medication? If he is, sounds like the meds are needing reviewed. If he is not seeking help, then you have problem. Untreated, expect the unexpected at all times. You are not to blame, you are just there. Welcome to our hme away from home, agravitt. Sounds like there is something going on & if he doesn't recognize a problem and seek treatment for himself, you will not be able to Make him. Hang around here & ask questions or vent or just cuss. We are here for you.

Love

Gloria

glory
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03/21/2008 18:56
agravitt
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 Thanks Gloria, I am happy to report a few hours later he apologized and said he realized none of that was my fault. He is working out his meds right now and is in counseling. It seems like such a process! We are learning when he feels "bad" for more than a few days in a row it is time to have a visit with his psychiatrist and have his meds checked. Before, we would just hope it would pass. It is an struggle, but I am lucky he seeks help. It is very hard for him to admit something is wrong and the rest of the world doesn't feel like he does. Thanks for responding, I felt kind of powerful not trying to reason or negoitate with him, I just went to the computer and typed and waited. It was a lot better than the usual: which is trying to get him to be reasonable. Again, thanks, I appreciate you. Amber

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03/21/2008 19:48
glory
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 Oh WOW, I am so happy for you!! Life is good!! lolol I am proud of you. There are thousands of us out here, Amber, I wish all of our loved ones could calm us like you do your husband. He must love you very deeply...well beyond his disorder.

Love

Gloria

glory
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03/21/2008 20:57
red1965
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 HUGS Amber, just come here anytime you want to talk. Good or bad, we are always here.

Exelent coping method you used, proud of you.

God Bless

RED
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03/27/2008 08:09
WARHORSE
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 Amber: You did exactly the right thing by going to your computer. Do NOT try to reason with him when he is blaming you--you can't win. You need to disengage. I find that physically removing myself, even just to another room, works for me.
"Is this a blessing? Or is it a curse?
Does it get any better? Can it get any worse?
Will it go on forever? Is it over tonight?
Does it come with the darkness? Does it bring out the light?
Is it richer than diamonds? Or just a little cheaper than spit?"--Jim Steinham
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