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TrinaR
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Post edited by: NoName, at: 06/12/2008 17:05 |
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morningglory/oldglory
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Ah boy, Trina, bless you for not breaking something other than plastic over his head!! lol (You notice he used plastic & not iron!!) lol You are stuck between a rock & a real hard place. On one hand he is your child and you love him, but on the other hand he is a monster that plagues your life. You ask if true bipolar can turn off the monsters when non- household people enter the scene. OH Yea Baby, like a faucet we can turn it off. However, I don't think that this is just a bipolar ability..... The cussing...well anybody can do that too. lol I can't say either way ...bipolar or not, but I would, by hook or by crook, get his butt to a shrink who can help decide. I think maybe some hard line, tough love is called for here. All that you have described can also be traits of a spoiled brat. lol If he is known to be a pot user, he may have other illegal drugs on board too. He could possibly even be having with drawl symptoms. That can get real ugly. If he won't just leave, then you have to take the bull by the horns and take control of what happens in you home. You have to set some ground rules and you gotta do it NOW!! Does he work?? If not and you are giving him money....STOP THAT NOW... you are only feeding the monster whether he is bipolar or not. If you are doing his laundry....STOP THAT NOW.....you are not his maid. If you buy the food and prepare the food and let him eat....STOP THAT NOW... When he tells you it will get worse just tell him he is right. Stop fighting with him. Just smile at him and go on about your business. When he tells you that you are a bad parent....tell him you did the best you knew how. My suggestion would be to give him a time line to be out on his own. Set the new house rules...no cussing, no more insults, he must get a job, etc. Also, tell him that if he breaks the rules, or is not out in the designated time, you will go to court & start the eviction process on him. (Ya know I am not sure that you can really do that, but neither will he & it sounds good!! lol) It at least gives you a little leverage. Trina, I am not a shrink,I am only a bipolar crazy. My suggestions may be askew, but you have to start somewhere. I wish you would find a therapist for yourself. I think you need to talk about this and figure out what to do. He, the therapist, can help you do just that. You really need someone, at the very least, help you with some coping skills. "How sharper than a serpents tooth, than to have a thankless child". - William Shakespear I don't really know if anything I have said will help you, Trina, but anything is worth a try at this point. Please keep me informed and remember you have me to talk with at any time..nothing stays the same forever and tomorrow is a brand new day. Love Gloria |
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dixie22
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Trina, I hear your pain. It is very, very hard to tell a child, no matter what age, they have to get out of your house. We have had to do that with our son. He is not BP but he has been on drugs and very irresponsible. He has had ups and downs since we gave him the ultimatim to leave our house, but he is doing well now. He has his own home and seems happy. Bu no matter if things did not turn out well for him and I know that things can always go bad again if he makes poor choices, I still believe we made the right choice. Keeping them in the nest means that they will never have the opportunity to learn to fly own their own. The point I'm trying to make is, your home should be your haven--the place you come to rest from the rest of the world and no one, not even your child, has a right to take that from you. If you are like I was, I think, "If I do this one more thing for him, maybe this will be his turning point. Most likely, it will never happen as long as he is getting what he wants--a free ride. He need to earn rights just like the rest of us. We have 37 yr old daughter with BP who has decided that she doesn't need her medication. I just have to trust that she will not end up in jail and/or lose her job. She is divorced with 3 children. She owes money and is supposed to go to court, but I don't know if she will go. If she doesn't, she will end up in jail and we won't get her out. We have given and given and given until we can give financially anymore. We will take care of the children if we need to. I hope I have talked too much about my problem, but I wanted you to know that I know where you are coming from. Is your son physically and mentally able to work? Trina, you really need to get him out of your house before he hurts you or himself. Having him arrested might be the best thing for him right now. At least that way, he would have to go to a hospital for treatment. I will be praying for you. dixie
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TrinaR
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Post edited by: NoName, at: 06/12/2008 17:05 |
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TrinaR
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Post edited by: NoName, at: 06/12/2008 17:06 |
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red1965
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Trina, welcome to the group! From your first post I take it your son is 23 years old? He is an adult. Some things that may help. Do not attempt to fight with him it will only make it worse. When faced with "I hate you", good resopnses are "I love you anyway" and "may it be a long and wonderful hatred" Now if he has an anger filled episode you should tell him in a calm even voice that he is to stop or you will call the police (warning!!! never make a threat that you are not willing to back up). If he refuses to leave when you tell him to - call the police, it is your home and he can only stay there as long as you allow it (he is an adult). They can take him into custody and hold him for a psyche evaluation period, 72 hours so I understand. Call your local police and/or his pdoc to make sure how this works, tell them if you have to call them he is bipolar and explain what is happening. Call his pdoc and tell them what he is doing, they cannot discuss his case with you without his consent (darn laws) but they can listen to what you tell them and use the information as they see fit from there. You do not have to put up with this behavior. Evidently he has not been taking his meds, without the meds this will only get worse! If he is using street drugs to self medicate, he is only screwing up how the prescribed medications will work. Self medicating is dangerous, especially with bipolar. Please be careful as this anger can become quite violent. Dixie, our prayers are with you. The important thing for you to do is to take care of those grand kids. God Bless RED |
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suzeP
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Trina...I am sorry you are under so much stress. But you have to be strong and more determined than the Grand Manipulator you are dealing with. This extreme behavior of your son's is frustration out of not getting his way, or if he has been out of weed--some withdrawals. I have read that marijuana is effective in keeping bp's moods calm, and they can definitely have withdrawals. I too have witnessed the extreme behavior (with my son) not getting their way-- one time he punched the side of the refrigerator (left small dents), but I DID NOT REACT. If you don't react, they have to look at themselves. Hard as it is,you have to turn the corner with this situation. Probably some bp with the poor emotional control, but definitely some brat "sense of entitlement" here. Stick to your resolve, that he has to get something going for himself. I have heard it too--" well ya'll have money." My response was--"You're right, your Dad and I have money, not you.... you need to decide if you want something out of life, or live under a bridge--the choice is yours." Also, I have told him, (when he is calm)--"keep on acting crazy, and pretty soon you will be crazy." I think he got that part!! Anyway, if you feel threatened by him, by all means call the law, and if he does something that looks like he may eally harm himself, go put a mental warrant on him--they will pick him up and hold him a few days for an evaluation. If he is just pushing you to the limit, I'm sure that will get his attention. Trina, being his Mom is not a LIFE SENTENCE, so sometimes you may have to do what works for you. Hang tough!! Post edited by: suzeP, at: 03/09/2008 17:20
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TrinaR
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Post edited by: NoName, at: 06/12/2008 17:06 |
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red1965
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Trina, they cannot acknowledge it because they don't realize it. They are this way, the only perspective they have is the one they see, when you have always seen something one way you don't understand any other way to see it. It is kinda like being in a snow globe looking out, everything beyond the glass is a blurr and it is always bad weather on the inside. They can only acknowledge it once they have accepted it. Denial is hard to overcome. God Bless RED |
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suzeP
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Trina...I just read your other post, about you bringing your son in thru emergency in January. It is sad, he did not receive a better response, and a more aggressive treatment plan. Seems like the biggest part of his treatment has to come from you and your husband at home, everyday people just learning how to deal with it. When in a bp episode, the thinking can get really twisted. For so long I thought my son my lieing, dramatically faking it, but later came to realize he really did believe his distorted version of the facts. Does the psychiatrist also give him "talk therapy", so as to give him some insight into his narrow perception of things? If not too expensive, maybe you could go to therapy for yourself. sp |
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