Bipolar in the family Support Group

When do you stop keeping peace and start doing what HAS to be done to keep the family going? I've been out of insurance for months now and I never know if it's the ADD/Bipolar/addiction or if it's actually just a screw up in the job. Expense checks don't come on time and I can't call work. I'm shut out of it all! I hate to say anything for the fear of it being turned around on me and then getting loud. I never knew how bad things were until the past few months. That is with my husband. Now with my daughter, I found that mostly texting to stay in contact about the kids is what keeps us from fighting since I'm never right there! When do you stop being a doormat and a dumbass or am I just really not with the program. I'm at the end of my rope dealing with loss/custody and at my age babies all night but wouldn't trade that part for the world! I'm just tired and need hope since I've had better days than the past 10 years! Thanks for listening as this is a lonely place. I'm so glad I have my kids and dogs but this life isn't what I want to teach them. It's like you start getting scared and I remember that with my mom, RIP, when I was a kid. I'm so grateful to this place and you welcoming me. oh ....btw/ sorry I don't ever spell check..this is my secret get away and I can't get caught...LOL...shhh.. hugs to all of you that are in this! Anna

Hi Anna, welcome to the group. When does it stop, only you know the answer to that question. We can give you all the advise and tell you all the stories but at the end of the day it will be up to you to do something or not.

You sound like you are at the end of your rope. Many of us here have been in the same place you are now. The hardest thing you will ever have to do is take that first step.

We are here to talk any time you like. There is usually somone on here at any given time of the day.

RED

Ty Red for taking the time. So what is the first step? Is it the doctor, leaving, not saying a word or just running away? That's what it took as a kid to get away from it but I'm much older and wiser than to think I can just run away now. It isn't possible but i think I've tried almost everything. We've even been close to divorce....filed and then canceled. I just don't know but with the addiction it makes it that much harder. You seem to have done this a very long time. I'm glad to see people understand because if I hear one more person say something out of sorts due to not understaning what mental illness is since never having to deal with it...I will just have let them have it!

Again, thanks so much and I hope things good your way. Anna

Anna, the first step is recognizing the problem exists and that you need to do something. What to do? You know your situation better than anyone. We can give advise, tell you what we have done and such but at the end of the day it is you that must make the decisions that are right for you.

What do you want out of the relationship? Your first and greatest task as mom is to take care of your children.

Is he seeing a doctor/ therapist, taking meds? I know you said you do not have insurance, there are sevices available through county and state mental health agencies.

The choice is yours. If you decide to stay, it is not easy but also not impossible. Do your homework on bipolar disorder, learn all you can. Get into therapy yourself, it helps you understand what is going on with him and how best to deal with it.

Do not try to fight with him, you will not win. Pick your battles, there are a few things important enough to fight over, everything else let pass.

I am here to talk anytime you wanna.

RED

Thanks so much for your response. It's been so hard as I'm sure you can imagine. I do need to learn even more than I know from growing up in this sort of thing. It's very exhausting. My husband has a graeat job and with all the little things let go we're waiting on insurance. That is another long story but I was seeing a great counselor and I think she spotted what I was into a long time ago. Knowing we don't have the insurance, her and I stay in contact until I get in there. I couldn't ask for anyone better to counsel because she lets me bring the kids, eat, sleep or what ever I need. My husband owes her money but we keep that seperate and I think he is a bit intimidated by her since she does give me knowledge. I'm so glad I found you all here and will be telling her all about it. She always say "sorry, you're OK and sane and think you are flipping out!" so that gives me strength on the days I think I'm going to scream. With me having my 3 grandbabies and 2 other kids, not to mention fibromyalgia, I can't just leave and have been planning and preparing to see what will happen once he gets insurance and can get help. i think he is/was using painkillers again so that's another issue but if it becomes a safety issue, I'm out of here. I've become better and better with my disease and wasn't as sick before we married almost 10 years ago so I know what is right for me. I'm just working on dealing with it a minute at a time with limited resolutions. As for my daughter and her illness I will never be done. I have to see her, don't get me wrong I love her dearly but it's hard on the kids, 2 times a week. It's the same with her and the fights. Her babies call me Mom and she gets angry calling me Granny in front of them. Her sisters don't want to be around her and that breaks my heart. So you see, I HAVE to find a way to deal with this. The whole day has been tears trying not to let the kids see me cry. i think I need to break out my Eckhart Tolle book again!I was having a really bad day today and sent Heather a message. I'm so new to this and don't know exactly where to go in times of need so your message I was grateful to see. Thanks again. btw/ I have a blog and was asked to put this link in there which I want to do. I want to put in the best way to get people help so can you let m know what addy would be the best. I'd like for every one to see it each time they open my blog. Let me know if you have a hint on that, please. Thanks again! I hope things are going well for you....God Bless you for taking the time to deal with all this!