Bipolar in the family Support Group

Somebody brought up blame in a recent post here, so here are my questions.

My husband is yet undiagnosed(I finally got him to start seeing a marriage counselor with me..we've seen him 3 times)

The counselor brought up the possibility of my husband having Bipolar Type 1(a huge sense of relief..I'm not the only one who thinks there's something up!)

But my husband as of yet, is in total denial.

He also blames me for nearly all his problems.

Do you think this is a symptom of bipolar, or is it just my husband's incredibly stubborn personality?

I don't want to convince him that he's bipolar just because I think he is, but if now the doctor is saying it, too(I have suspected for several years now..)

I wouldn't start labeling him as Bipolar until you have a firm diagnosis... there are many dangers in doing such. A marraige counselor will not have evaluated him fully enough to have formulated a solid idea regarding a mental health status. So the best bet is to get him in for evaluation and then go from there.

I have not 'labeled' my husband anything. The marriage counselor is a psychologist, and asked him to get a full psychiatric evaluation after having seen us a few times, and made clear that because of my *husband's* responses and behaviors, that he is quite sure of his suspicions. Which the Dr came up with on his own, without my input.

Also, I was posting about a a symptom, not a diagnoses, but thanks. Some behavior that manifests itself in bipolar is quite obvious, and some is not.

That would be inappropriate of him to do, Carlota. If he has suspicions of any sort, he first (ethically) shares them with your husband. If, then, your husband wants to share with you (as he well should), then that's a different story. He could certainly offer up the idea that a full evaluation is necessary, but he shouldn't (ethically) offer up a supposed diagnosis. I'm sure you see signs and symptoms, but there are dangers in assuming someone is something that they may not be.

Well, I disagree. The psychologist did exactly what he was supposed to do. It's marriage counseling, not individual. My husband's mental condition is affecting our marriage, bipolar or not, and that was agreed on by both my husband and I that it needed to be figured out and worked on. He has an ethical obligation to both of us, being that we are both his clients. And as far as myself, I assume nothing. I've known my husband for years, and know normal behavior and not. And anyway, as I stated before, this post is about denial and finger-pointing, not our counselor and diagnoses.

If you have no thoughts on that, please move on.

Thanks.

Why so crass, Carlota? We are all here to offer up support and advice in any form for which we (as through life's experience) find fit to do so. The thread can be about picking dandelions and cute puppy dog tailsm, but if we see something that throws up a red flag why shouldn't we point it out? This thread you say is about blame and denial. I'm only advising that you KNOW FOR A FACT that your husband is bipolar before attempting to figure out why he's behaving why he is. That's a direct connect for you. Furthermore, I've been a member of this forum for a good long while now. I've seen folks come and go. And those who jump to defensive at the very idea that something they believe may need further verification typically do so for a reason. What would your's be?

I'm not being defensive, I'm being realistic. I dislike people who make assumptions about situations they don't have an understanding of. And it's irritating to continually ask someone to stop doing something, and they keep doing it. Now seriously, please stop.

Getting back to the original post...blame and denial can be symptomatic of bipolar, or can be traits of a stubborn personality, or both. If you read a lot of posts on this board, you will see a lot of spouses and significant others saying that they get blamed for a lot of things, and their BP loved one is often in denial.

But as we've also discussed on other threads -- there are "typical BP" behaviors, but each individual is responsible for their own actions and behaviors.

I think one of the reasons why it's so important to get an official diagnosis is there are other serious problems that can look like BP, but are not exactly the same -- and the treatment may not be the same. For example, Borderline Personality Disorder is a personality disorder, looks a lot like BP, has a LOT of similar characteristics that overlap, but the only real effective treatment is intensive long term cognitive behavioral therapy. BP is caused by a chemical imbalance and meds are often effective (although talk therapy is important too). And then someone could conceivably have BOTH, and that would be even more complex to determine the best, most effective treatment. And of course, that's just one example.

Thanks mice. I agree that it's important to get an official diagnoses. BPD is a tough disorder, and it appears that a large percentage of documented cases have environmental causes, where bipolar is more often genetic, as you said. They also seem to be medically treated similarly.

It's hard to distinguish, sometimes, what is 'bipolar behavior' and what is the person. The hardest, though, in my opinion, is denial. At least when they are aware of it, they are more in tune with how their actions affect others.

Miceelf and myself have basically told you the same thing, but you find irritations with me? Isn't that dandy? I find it irritating when new members join and refuse advice from the very source from which they've sought it. I also find it irritating when people attempt a passively aggressive dismissal of someone's opinion (as you've done with mine, yet validated my point by agreeing with miceelf that "it's important to get an official diagnoses". Well, I'll be damned if that's not what I just said. So I figure we can just agree to disagree. But, for the record, I have not made any assumptions about your situation. And I have found you to be defensive. For future reference, if someone offers advice that you'd prefer to not adhere to, simply ignore it. That's better than potentially angering them by dismissing them for what they, and other, see as absurd reasons. I wish you the best of luck with your situation: with a potentially bipolar husband and your own NOS mood disorder, ADD, and chronic depression, you’re definitely going to need lots of support. Cheers!