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scoooter
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I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year. He told me when we met that he was bipolar, I did research on it and thought I understood the illness. I have been there for him through some serious ups and more importantly the downs. (which was much harder than I could have ever imagined) I have fallen head over heals in love with this man and we have both expressed wanting to marry in a few years. However, a few months ago he said he didnt just want to be with one person, and wasnt ready for a commitment yet. I have suffered though the last 2 months knowing that he is having a pseudo relationship with 2 other girls, neither of which his has had sex with. I dont konw what to do. I know that I love him more than anything, and I do believe that he loves me as well. I just dont know how long this is going to last, and if it will ever get better. (He changed his medication about the time this happen and is going to the doctor to see about going back to the old dosage) Please help... |
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jolamom
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I wounldn't normally tell anyone to run the other way, but here is why I tell you to stop and think before making a much more life changing decision: You've been together a year and even though you knew upfront about his disorder he's already seeing other girls-plural. I understand this is "part" of the disorder, but if it's already happening how much longer until he actually sleeps with them and if not them someone else. You are facing a hard life and while for some it's completely worth it, for some it is not. I'm stuck in the middle of the road right now. I honestly think it would be so much easier if he cheated so I could end it once and for all. I just don't have the balls to leave right now because the one thing he is is faithful. He screws up in every other sense, but is crazy faithful. Let me tell you - the "L" word is what keeps most of us clinging to our relationships. If I wasn't married and I was in your situation I would honestly be rethinking why I want to marry this man. Please do not take this as unkindness, I'm just trying to be as open and honest as possible. Because even if you do decide to marry him, you'll be completely support by this group. We all have our moments of indecisiveness  |
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scoooter
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I've thought about running away, there have been so many times where I knew my life would be so much easier if I did...but I can't bring myself to actually do it. I have only told one friend about this and I try to explain to her its not him, its the illness that he has, and she thinks its just an excuse. While I know this isn't true, I can't help but wonder... We tried to take a "break" because we were both overwhelmed by the situation, me with the other girls. And after it was over, I realized I didnt want to go another day without him in my life. I love him more than I ever thought humanly possible. He has even told me he would understand if I left because he knows how hard it is on me, thats why everyone else left... but I cant.
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jolamom
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Then enjoy the good times you have and develop a very thick armor to the effects that his disorder brings into your life. As long as you go in eyes wide open then hopefully nothing will suprise you. I was relieved when I found out my hubby was bipolar because it meant he wasn't really a complete a**hole. But I have my moments when it doesn't matter that he has a disorder, I still want him to be responsible and be held accountable for his words and actions and I know this is not always the case. Right now wer are at a day by day stage and I feel guilty for even thinking about leaving. Right now he is so attentive and loving even if I'm not, he understands. So my guilt has set in. But I also know that this atmosphere can change in the drop of a hat. I take what I can get for the moment and brace for hard winds ahead. Good luck to you and I'm here when you need it. We all are |
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scoooter
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Thank you for the advice, and it is comforting to know I'm not the only one who is going through this. Good luck to you as well. |
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heatherr
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I understand where you are at and I sympathize. I know it feels like there is no life beyond him, I have lived it the last 3 years. Because I have walked (and still walk) in your shoes, I feel ok telling you that co-dependency is dangerous. I am co-dependant. Have you considered some therapy for yourself to deal with this? I gave my SO a list of 3 things I would not live with, one of them was infidelity and so far, he has been able to keep to that. (thank god) I do know that cheating is common with bi-polars but it isnt absolute. If he will not attempt to cut ties with these other women, and you wont attempt to leave, then you need to accept that your relationship is an open one and probably always will be. *hugs* to you, we are here regardless. |
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scoooter
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I dont want our relationship to be open, and everytime I mention the subject it goes into a screaming match, him screaming me crying. We had one of those yesterday because I was at my wits end and ready to leave. After he was able to calm down, we talked civilally to each other and found that his mood has been since he had a change in dosage, right after thanksgiving, which co-insided with his wanting to not be committed. Also his sex-drive has dwindled since this. We are going to see his doctor this week to talk to him about possibly going back to his old dosage, and see where that takes us. I'm hoping for the best, I know that I dont need him in my life, I was ok without him before and I'm sure if I were to end it I would be ok in due time. I care about him so much though the thought of not being with him scares me to death. I almost lost him due to a reaction to a drug he took in the early stages of our relationship and that was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. It was at that moment sitting with him in the hospital that I realized I didnt want to be without him, the thought of losing him was too much to handle. Thank you so much for all of your support, I'm so glad I found this site.
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heatherr
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Then hang tough! Ill be praying for the med change to help! I hope my words didnt come across as judgemental, please know they werent intended as such. Your decisions are yours to make, we support you regardless. You always have friends here to talk to, we understand what you are going through. |
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spree65
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hello, I am new here but not new with dealing with this life (dealing with someone who is bipolar) My ex bf is bp for the last 6 years we dealt with cheating,lying self medicating with alcohol and drugs I say ex only because we recently had a fight yesterday and we are over for the 100th time but as always I know he will call and either in a manic phase and will talk me back into this yo yo relationship He has turn everything around blaming me for not letting go of the past and yes I do have lots of resentments towards him, it has a way of creeping back either because he starts getting calls from other women we havent lived together for the last 18 months and his last manic episode was a couple of months ago with him throwing a another womans name in my face ,name calling threats of burning down my home ect.... and yeah I can say in the past I thought I really loved him but now I dont know anymore and I dont know how much I can take in the six yrs we have endured one hospitalization for two weeks ,one month rehab,several affairs,he has stolen my credit cards, money I have had men come to my home stating he has slept with their wives ,lots of fighting so I cant say how it feels to have some one to listen and to understand all I can say its tough please know its a lot of knowing everything there is to know about his triggers,manic phases,and his lows and making him aware of them too Good luck and thanks to reading my rant |
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red1965
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Spree welcome to the group. there are many here with stories similar to yours. One of the first things we find here is that we are not alone. There are people here with bipolar and those with loved ones that have bipolar. Reading your note, the one thing for you to remember in all of this is that you have to make the choices that are best for you, no one else can make those decisions for you. We cannot force anyone else to do anything just as no one can force us to do anything. We are here to talk whenever you want, leave posts and answers, vent and rant, and most of all make new friends. RED |
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